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Has anyone burnt a bridge down and can't fix it?


csam

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It's been almost a year and it still eats me now and then. I left my job, and why exactly I did this is hard to explain. There were many factors, it was a somewhat chaotic job with frustrating situations. Of course I had been battling depression without getting adequate help for it, and an ongoing sense of meaninglessness in life. The worst thing was that I would attack myself for any mistakes I made, and ultimately, that's when I left: I made a mistake (broke a piece of equipment) and wouldn't tolerate my incompetence anymore. I left my job of 3 years without notice.

Now I've helped myself a great deal since I left. I'm actually doing quite well, I got a chance to do therapy, a lot of reading and meditation, and a medication has worked for me. I took the year and did some farming, which I truly enjoy, but it hasn't been enough for income. This is fine, I had enough money saved. Now I'm onto another job, and I'm happy that I got the job. 

But I seriously regret the way I left my previous job. It was a small company, the boss was a good guy - just a little disorganized and impatient, and way overworked. When I left, I tried many times to contact him but he has me on ignore. I never verbally attacked him or anything, I quietly left with a number of apologies. I never meant to be enemies, but I know I completely lost his respect and I don't know if I can get it back. He may have been one of my few friends had I not acted the way I did. 

There's a little more to it than this, but for now I'll keep things brief so it can be talked about.

Has anyone just torched a bridge down like that because of depression? How did you deal with it?

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Sadly I have torched many bridges because of depression, so my heart goes out to you.  Regrets used to literally consume me.  I wish I knew what to say to ease your pain and grief.

As for myself  . . .I know that I have a serious mental illness that profoundly affects my state of mind. 

These days I focus my life on trying to help others.   I was very inspired by the life of Oskar Schindler, the Holocaust rescuer.  His life was basically a mess.  He failed at so many things . . . in his professional life . . . in his personal life and yet he somehow transmuted all that into something beautiful and heroic.

Of course I am not anything like him, but I do try to have a mission in life to help others if I can.

Hopefully many members here will see your post and will respond to it with helpful ideas. 

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I guess it's just venting, not really looking for an answer. It's one of those situations where I just have to accept my situation and not beat myself up, which is what got me here in the first place. But instead of looking backward I can aim upward.

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I know how you feel.  I've had to torch every bridge at the the end of every job because of my mental illness.  I spend years saying oh no and sometimes even running when I see the people I worked with.  With time though they all seem to forgive and forget and you're able to talk to them again.  I think everyone moves on after a certain amount of time.

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I think when I am sitting in front of HR with my supervisor and I'm getting fired for "irregular behavior", I know then that something is wrong. My bipolar pressured speech and racing thoughts.

It is so embarrassing knowing that these people have seen me at my worst because of my mental illness. It is hard to talk to the people again. So yes, I burned some bridges. One true friend however found me and tried to understand my situation and we have remained friends. But that is the rare one.

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I've left a job abruptly like that as well. I wouldn't say it was from depression but I wasn't in the right state of mind at that time. I was really overwhelmed and a lot was going on back then. I do regret how I left because my friend at the time got me the job and she wasn't too happy about it but I don't want to regret it even if it wasn't favourable. I hope you don't let it get to you too much. I try not to think about it too hard because it lead you to where you are now. At that moment in time it was the best decision for you. 

In my case, that friend ended up to be a total backstabber, was secretly jealous of me, and wanted to watch me burn so looking back I don't regret it too much when it comes to that department lol

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm new to this forum so I'll try my best to articulate my story in something that makes sense.  

I have opted to burn my bridges with my children very recently.  Having me in their life is a huge burden and one I cannot put them through.  I don't have the courage required to end my existence completely to help them, but if I could, I would've done it by now. 

I have failed them as a father and their mother now has a new man that they can call dad because even not knowing them, he's already a better father than me. 

So yeah,  I've burnt a bridge that can't be rebuilt. I'm extremely lonely currently, although I do work,  it's all an act during the day and I'm exhausted by the end of the day mentally. 

Sorry if this wasn't the actual meaning behind your topic. 

 

M

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On 9/20/2021 at 6:54 PM, Sherrit said:

 

Sorry if this wasn't the actual meaning behind your topic. 

Well if I had any meaning for this topic at all, it was just to vent and open up for others to do the same. So not off-topic at all. Not having children I can't relate, but that sounds heartbreaking. I've burnt off all my intimate relationships in the past, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe to avoid getting hurt. I've been alone for quite some time and am for the most part okay with it, but once in a while it hits me.

I think the great challenge in life is to be okay with yourself, and to accept any situation you face. And being okay with yourself, regardless of what others think (and regardless of that incessant critical voice in your head), goes a long way for quality of life. Sometimes we assume others see the worst in us, when they really don't. At any rate, I hope you feel better and do something for yourself.

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