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Can’t do this anymore


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I live in a world where I feel alienated where I can’t get help and I’m loosing to the darkness I call my mental health so I am sitting out in the pouring rain so I could be alone and drink to stop feeling so stressed and horrible. I can’t stand my partner she means well but won’t give me a moments peace and I just hate being alive . I can’t get treatment.

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dont give up

do what you need to find peace with yourself and your life

i understand exactly how you feel

sometimes it seems like theres nothing but the pain, discomfort, or emptiness

sometimes it feels like thats all that will ever be a constant variable in your life

but despite that misery there is always a lovely experience waiting around a corner--somewhere

you just have to wait these things out and find a way to cope until something brighters come around, lifes a rollercoaster full of highs and lows

and rollercoasters arent all highs or all lows, its a mixture of the two

hang on, love ❤️ im so sorry youre hurting, i wish i could ship you a care package of happiness, a good support system, and bountiful free liquor. 

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4 hours ago, sober4life said:

I know how you feel.  The darkness will eventually take me.  The light left with mom.  The only thing left is fighting the darkness until I lose all the strength I have left.

That’s exactly how I feel when my mum left. The world became a dark and cold place and I’ve never really recovered. 
I put a lot of energy in to fighting and I am burnt out and if I rest like I need to I gain weight and I don’t get on with many people.

I've spent the last week being triggered with my ptsd and the little energy I have I’ve been fighting the doctors to get treatment and I’m basically being ignored by them and my father barely gives me the time of day, I never think he had much interest in helping me in life I mean my mum wanted dad to teach me his trade but he could never be bothered and I didn’t get far in life.

I think I have neurological issues after having the vaccine because my fingers, toes and arms keep going numb most of the time. I feel ignored by my partner. All there is to do really in watch tv and wait to get older than I already am.

I was so ill today that I went to the garden at 7am and finished a bottle of wine and I was sitting there in a harden chair in the pouring rain and I didn’t care that it was raining or that I was getting soaked I just needed to be out of the house. I guess these four walls can grind you down

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I haven't recovered from losing mom either.  Nobody has really even talked to me about it yet.  That's something they don't tell you when your mom passes away don't expect anyone to care.  There will be people that pretend to care until you pay the bills and then you'll never see them again.  Something you can expect is to be stalked by hospice and insurance companies and funeral homes because they hope the experience has worn you down and you might need more of their "help".  If it wasn't for the animals of this world I would have been out of here a long time ago.

Edited by sober4life
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5 hours ago, sober4life said:

I haven't recovered from losing mom either.  Nobody has really even talked to me about it yet.  That's something they don't tell you when your mom passes away don't expect anyone to care.  There will be people that pretend to care until you pay the bills and then you'll never see them again.  Something you can expect is to be stalked by hospice and insurance companies and funeral homes because they hope the experience has worn you down and you might need more of their "help".  If it wasn't for the animals of this world I would have been out of here a long time ago.

I care, because I know how horrific it is to lose a mum and on the day I lost mine I broke down in hysterics like someone had ripped my heart out and the only way I could cope was to be sedated. I was there for my family and stayed with them by moving near for months until I wasn’t wanted anymore and discarded. All I have left if her photo on my wall and her jewellery. I love animals and I’ve surrounded myself with them and I cherish them more than people and nature also. When I was having a bad day the other day I walked to the beach on an empty tummy and just laid down in the sand and looked up at the sky and the sounds of the sea grounded me and helped me to feel ok for a short while. My mum radiated love and didn’t have a mean bone her in body and then it was gone when she passed away. One day I was on the phone with her most of the day and we laughed and she was happy and the next day she was gone.

I struggling with the things that go on in this world every time I turn my screen on, so I am trying a digital detox by switching to a old retro phone as my main phone and just use my spare phone in the evening for checking in but most things I read online, especially in the news triggers me. My pets have been a god send, my kitten and cats, I will see if I can attach a photo. They are my rocks and I love them

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