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Things getting worse before better


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The dreaded words every therapist tells someone. I am doing so bad right now I feel really out of it. I feel my disassociation and my OCD are so overwhelming it’s really tough. I’ll have OCD with one thing then right after the next thing. The hardest part of my PTSD is there are no breaks. I deal with one thing then take a sigh of relief. I then get thrown into the next thing. 
 

Im also numb all the time. I literally try to face my problems and don’t feel anything. The few times I’m not numb I get so overwhelmed it’s like a catch 22. For what seemed like a month I was so paranoid that me getting close to someone would get me hurt. I finally got past that but now my OCD is nonstop. I also feel like I’m floating idk how else to explain my disassociation. I’ve always felt distant from people. 
 

I try not to think like this but I feel like I was just born to suffer. I’ve always been really sensitive and just have painful experiences after painful experiences. I literally live on cloud 9 or am depressed. The problem of course is the good feelings don’t last as long as the bad. Negativity just has too much of an effect on our thoughts. 
 

I know it will get better from my experiences. The problem is just how really messed up this part is. I literally struggle with every little thing right now. It also feels like I rather not deal with anything right now. Am I doing better or not lol. I wouldn’t have a clue if this is how doing better feels like. 

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It's an exhausting cycle. You're right, it'll get better, but sometimes knowing that doesn't necessarily make the present situation better--for me anyway. Feeling "out of it" is unsettling. I mean, I'm an adult. I'm supposed to have it together, right? The cause of it for me is ADHD though, not OCD. I get overwhelmed and just sort of check out. The most success I've ever had with changing my negative thoughts was when I was working with an ADHD coach. It was expensive so I couldn't continue on forever. But what was great about it was having accountability all week. She allowed clients to text, email, and call her between sessions. That was very different from how a traditional therapist works. I wish I had someone in my life who was willing to be like that coach and check in regularly because it seems like I would need to work on it daily for a very long time for it to ever become a habit, IF ever. I guess I never really asked anyone. I assume no one would want to do it. My coach always said that coaching others helped her work through her own stuff. Sometimes I think about becoming a coach so that helping others all day would be like coaching myself. Oops, I'm rambling 😬. ADHD. Anyway, I hope you get some relief soon. You're not alone❤️

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I want to say you are NOT born to suffer, please try and not think that. However I relate to you on that and always thought that for so many years myself. it truly sucks really bad when growing up in a not great environment,  not having a supportive loving family to help you and show you love or not many good things going on for you in your life. I have C-PTSD it's always still happening to me type trauma, though ot could mean something else.

I had countless people online and in person hurt me in so many ways, some very traumatic done to me. I don't trust people just like that it takes  A LOT of time for me too. I am on disability as well and probably won't ever be able to work possibly. I fear people really to be honest I never get too close to many as well. I've read some of your posts on here and know some of your pain and hardships you faced and still facing. One pot I read "nice guys finished last". you said and maybe you shouldn't be respectful or a "good guy" 

You should still be that good guy no matter what. Screw what ever guy or girl says about that you should be different to get a girl. I know I'd like a guy to show me respect,  treat me good and as an equal. Its rare at least for me to find nice guys though I'm not desperate to find love it happens  then it happens and if not oh well there loss. I don't focus on my future I just now the present and maybe I'll never have a true good friend or find a guy who accepts me, loves me and treats me well so I can experience real love. 

All I know is put YOURSELF first,  work on yourself , try and find supportive people I know some will be on here. To also learn to love yourself by mentally,  physically and emotionally healing. Life is tough, its tough for everyone in some way. NO one is perfect nor every be 100%. Just take  each day one day  at a time. Try to do things you like/love hobby wise, go outside for a walk get fresh air since its good for you and will help you mentally. You have Purpose you are wanted by people even you haven't meant them yet you will.

Sometimes pushing ourselves is nessasary "tough love" I did it and finally stood up for myself a for the first time. I said f them all! I'll prove everyone who hurt me wrong. That I am worthy, have purpose not a doormat any more. Still getting there on my journey to recovery and I still have ups and downs like anyone would. You have to KEEP fighting don't let your mental health or anyone bring you down. Fight to live and know you Are loved and cared for if its not your family by others maybe you not met yet. On here I bet you find supportive people.

One thing also only YOU can change yourself and be happy. No one can make you happy YOU must do that on your own. It will be hard but if I can do it so can you. I don't know your life or you but you can overcome all this pain, hurt and loneliness. Just got to fight for yourself and keep on fighting. I'm also sorry you have PTSD I know that struggle. Things will get better for you you just got to fight and keep moving forward.

I hope this was somewhat helpful for you. Take care.

quotes

" fear is a reaction,  courage is a choice."

"if you don't stand for nothing, you'll fall from anything"

These quotes helped me and still do, perhaps can help you as well.

 

 

 

 

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I think the biggest thing that helped with my OCD is getting out of the house and going for long walks.  The walks help the anxiety that fuels the OCD and also we tend to get more obsessed in our own house or our own room.  It was at it's worst when I had no car and felt like I had no escape from my apartment.  It will be a slow process but really come up with any excuse you can to get away from your home right now.  I might try to make things around here perfect but am I really going to do the same thing if I go to someone else's house?  For most people routines are good.  For us it can become a prison.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 8/18/2021 at 4:09 PM, sober4life said:

I think the biggest thing that helped with my OCD is getting out of the house and going for long walks.  The walks help the anxiety that fuels the OCD and also we tend to get more obsessed in our own house or our own room.  It was at it's worst when I had no car and felt like I had no escape from my apartment.  It will be a slow process but really come up with any excuse you can to get away from your home right now.  I might try to make things around here perfect but am I really going to do the same thing if I go to someone else's house?  For most people routines are good.  For us it can become a prison.

You wrote this awhile ago but my OCD was really bad at that time or maybe it was my PTSD. I have been taking this advice lately because I’m usually the guy getting lost in my own world doing something. For whatever reason I am not able to do that right now. Maybe instead of escaping I’m facing my traumas. The problem is sometimes it’s really bad but my brain is like nope even if it hurts your dealing with it. 

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1 hour ago, mrrd117711 said:

You wrote this awhile ago but my OCD was really bad at that time or maybe it was my PTSD. I have been taking this advice lately because I’m usually the guy getting lost in my own world doing something. For whatever reason I am not able to do that right now. Maybe instead of escaping I’m facing my traumas. The problem is sometimes it’s really bad but my brain is like nope even if it hurts your dealing with it. 

I understand.  I had to face my traumas as well to stay sober.  It was very risky but I had to get strong enough to face everything and deal with everything.  I had to make sure I was strong enough in those areas so my addict mind couldn't use those things against me to make me relapse.

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