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isaac s

Help me identify what i have going on, DID?

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Hello if anyone could help me identify what is going on, i just need closure and knowing exactly whats going on would bring some of that.

I feel like i have another personalities that cycle by themselves or with triggers, that last hours and some times a whole day but i think it resets by sleep im not sure its hard to tell. I have at least 3 myself and two others but there may be more that i just dont pay attention too.

My multiple personalities do not have different identities or pasts/knowledge.

1.  i feel like a very powerful person sometimes and feel different in confidence, optimism, energy, grandiosity, anger, high self image and even the way    my voice sounds is different. But it feels fake, like im playing a character but i cant stop it and it makes the whole experience very uncomfortable. Sometimes i try to sit still and force myself back into the "real" me but it takes some effort and if i slip it goes right back.

2. I feel like a very responsible over caring person in high stress situations and i cant see that i am taking things too seriously i think im doing the right thing by being over caring. Later on when i come out of that situation i can see it was like i was someone else and become very embarrassed. Again everything about me changes.

 

I think there is more but its hard to see :/ its like something isnt happening to me, its like im changing

i go through quite a bit and think i have BPD and depression so everything is chaos for me.

Just trying to figure it out sorry if this is hard to read or confusing im a bit confused myself.

 

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

I think I feel the same way you do.  I probably have BPD too.  Every day I'm the strongest person I know and the weakest as well and everything in between at least in my eyes.  Who I am throughout the day you wouldn't think it was possible to be the same person.  I'm all over the place all day long every day.

Edited by sober4life

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

I think I feel the same way you do.  I probably have BPD too.  Every day I'm the strongest person I know and the weakest as well and everything in between at least in my eyes.  Who I am throughout the day you wouldn't think it was possible to be the same person.  I'm all over the place all day long every day.

Yea ive had multiple psychs tell me i have bipolar but they all seemed reluctant to give me that diagnosis because my hypo-manin, if i have bipolar is VERY mild or im rapid cycling but i believe BPD makes more sense. ITS TOUGH but it makes sense.

i hope you can find a way to curb it because its so destructive 😞

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Have you talked to a therapist about this, describing what you are experiencing?

21 hours ago, isaac s said:

But it feels fake, like im playing a character but i cant stop it and it makes the whole experience very uncomfortable.

I have DID, and this has been a common feeling/thought for me. That sense that I'm faking it, but I honestly can't control it.  I got over that feeling after getting a firm diagnosis and getting to know those inside (my "parts").

21 hours ago, isaac s said:

My multiple personalities do not have different identities or pasts/knowledge.

It doesn't sound like you know them well enough to know that. How are you defining "multiple personalities" if not as different identities?  If you actually have DID, they very likely have knowledge of a lot more than you realize.

It's really important that you explore this with someone who is a professional and can help you understand what's going on. Could be DID or not.

At any rate, I'm sorry you're struggling with it.  I know how hard it is!

 

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Posted (edited)

i just started therapy and have talked about it just for a second hoping to talk about it more.

Im pretty sure they dont have back stories or different knowledge than me " that sounds weird when i say 'me"

It just seems to be like my emotions, confidence, energy and self image change and the way i act. So thats pretty much everything about ME besides my knowledge/memories.

appreciate someone can see this

Edited by isaac s

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On 6/18/2021 at 4:14 PM, sober4life said:

I think I feel the same way you do.  I probably have BPD too.

Have you ever talked to a therapist about it?

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On 6/21/2021 at 9:42 PM, isaac s said:

Have you ever talked to a therapist about it?

No I haven't talked about the overall majority of my issues ever really.  I don't think there is a path of talking that leads me to be like normal people and I'm not sure I want to be like them anyway.

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Posted (edited)
On 6/24/2021 at 5:07 PM, sober4life said:

No I haven't talked about the overall majority of my issues ever really.  I don't think there is a path of talking that leads me to be like normal people and I'm not sure I want to be like them anyway.

I would love to be normal if that means not experiencing so much pain all the time 😞 i sit in awe at what others can do.

 

I have taken meds and felt like a completely ddifferent person though and it is scary 😕

Edited by isaac s

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Yes I agree for me meds just put me in a different hell.  My whole life I have fully believed that normal is everyone else's default way of being while I at best can seem normal on rare days but it's just a character I'm playing.

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Posted (edited)
On 6/27/2021 at 4:43 AM, sober4life said:

Yes I agree for me meds just put me in a different hell.  My whole life I have fully believed that normal is everyone else's default way of being while I at best can seem normal on rare days but it's just a character I'm playing.

 

i hate pretending ive done all kinds 😞 sorry i hope you can find true progress

Edited by isaac s

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