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Charlee

Scared to date

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So ive joined tinder and have a potential match ive been talking too for a few days and maybe maybe it could turn into a date, which I am terrified of. He's cute and I obv dont know him but id like to get to know him. At what point do you tell them about your baggage? I assume he's got some too, no adult can go through life without a bit of badge right? But mine feels like 10x the normal amount of baggage and im worried that as soon as I begin to open up and tell him a little hell go running the other way, maybe he will, I cant control his behaviour and if its too much for him to handle then I guess he's just not the one for me. But how do you know you can trust someone? Whens the right time to open up about yourself, I dont know, but I want to date and do normal adult things, I need to get out of this depression and anxiety whole that ive been safely keeping myself in for 10 years 😞 

Maybe ill meet him and it will just be one date and that will be enough to send me back into depressions arms, but maybe it could be really great and enough to make me never want to return to depression again. I dont know, I feel I could be working a lot harder to get myself out of this and I worry I exaggerate a lot of my feelings. Im so confused. I was never taught how to deal with my feeling and taught that its shameful and something not to be discussed around others. Maybe thats why ive been stuck in depression and anxiety for so long. I dont know how to let go of old behaviours that arent serving me. I need to branch put and do new things, I need to learn how to live again 

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With people I usually pretend I'm ok until I can't anymore.  I always let people figure out my issues as I go along and it never takes long.  I don't have to tell them.  From my experience rehearsing conversation is pointless.  Who knows what another person will say?  You really just have to wait and see how this person is when you meet them in person and respond to what they say accordingly.  Nobody is good at this.  I'm terrified of dating too.  Sadly I say to myself what could the other half of this possibly be?  I would run from me.  Who could possibly want to be a part of this?

Edited by sober4life

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6 hours ago, Charlee said:

I need to learn how to live again 

Best of luck to you ! I can't give advice, but I hope you can open up and be yourself. Once you are able to do that you "trust" somewhat. That would be a milestone. Just don't let the depression hold you back. Enjoy it, have fun and be safe. And for your date .... just be YOU 🙂  Best wishes Charlee

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On 6/11/2021 at 2:25 PM, sober4life said:

I would run from me.  Who could possibly want to be a part of this?

So relatable. I’d run from me too and it’s why I isolate myself from socialising so much. When I talk I see myself from someone else’s POV - awkward, quiet, says the wrong things, dumb, fat. I can’t accept myself as I am so how could anyone else? 

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How are things going with the dating site? ❤️

Personally I wouldn't dive into issues until way down the line. You need to get to know him first...Find out more about him, see if he makes you laugh.... Does he have similar interests and values? Do you enjoy doing the same things or are you both open to trying new stuff? 

 

Edited by Nightjar

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I wouldn't say a word until absolutely necessary . . . and this necessity has to deal only with the relationship you have with him.

No sense crossing the bridge until you get to it, if you do at all.

Telling everything about yourself as soon as you step up to the play. . .  no, no, you might as well the umpire to call two automatic strikes because you expect to strike out anyway.

I could go on . . .

but I think you know the rules and how to play the game

 

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