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I know how disabled I am


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The term "disabled" needs to extend to mental illness in society. Im so disabled, I cant function properly and attend normal life like we're meant too. I cant maintain a full-time job without using way more sick leave than the allotted 5 days a year. I cant perform like I should be able too, Im smart but I cant put in 100% effort to generate work this expected of my abilities like my peers can. I cant do life like my peers can and its just expected that I should be able to. We're told to take a pill and we'll be right. You can not be hired or fired if a potential employer or current boss knows you struggle with mental illness (even though thats illegal - they will use another reason like not being able to show up or unable to put in the required amount of work for the role or simply just "not right for the role"). If a person in a wheelchair can get the additional help they need to succeed in the work place why can't that extend to mental illness?  

Maybe i'm "playing the victim" but I think that term is used to shame people into shutting up and pretending their disabilities don't exist. I cant do life. I cant do it on my own and I cant stand up for myself to get the help I need. im stuck in this world controlled by depression and anxiety, it makes me do stuff I know will make me feel worse in the long run, at the moment I feel like it controls me and I cant stand up to it. The depressed and anxious part of my brain are holding all the power to my life and I'm merely a host to keep it living. 

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I can relate and I'm really sorry you feel like this everyday.

You're 100% right, the expectation of just taking a pill and getting over it is too easy for them to say to us and they think it's that simple.

The best I reply I can give to your great post is that you're not alone.  

Hopefully we can all get through this in some fashion.  ((Charlee))

 

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All of my strength goes to putting on the show for people.  They think I can do life but it's only because I appear to be able to at all the "right" times for all the "right" people.  I make sure I take care of the things that bother the people in my life that will probably be one of the ones to take me on my last ride.  This is a very cold world.  People don't care how you get to a certain place in life at all.  It's like a race and they only look at your positiion in the race and judge us for that position.  There is no caring from others.  We're on our own.

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My school doesn't treat my depression and autism like it should. I have plenty of people that I know with down syndrome and dyslexia and they are treated well. But because I'm a high-functioning autistic kid who is depressed I don't get the same treatment. I wish they would give me adequate resources and understanding because like you I can function to the untrained eye but inside I'm tearing myself apart.

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I remember how bad things were when I was in school.  I'm 42.  Things were much different when I was in school.  There were just as many bully teachers and bus drivers as there were bully kids.  You absolutely could be targeted by a teacher or coach and made fun of on a regular basis for all to see and nothing was done ever.  If you acted up on the school bus you might get smacked by the bus driver.  Nobody worked with anyone back then.  They didn't really care about what you were going through.  Here's your assignments do them pass or fail.

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yeah when I was at school we were offered "help" from the school guidance councillor, but he was a creep and everyone knew when you were going to the councillor and people made fun of you for it. So it was like get bullied for being you and get bullied for trying to help yourself. Things are starting to change now and theres adds about depression and anxiety and other mental health stuff but.. im too afraid, maybe Im holding on to the stigma from years ago that doesn't exist anymore? (still a stigma but not to the same degree?) 

@AndrewH sorry for your high school experience, mine was pretty similar except know one knew. 

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11 hours ago, sober4life said:

You absolutely could be targeted by a teacher or coach and made fun of on a regular basis for all to see and nothing was done ever.  If you acted up on the school bus you might get smacked by the bus driver.  Nobody worked with anyone back then.  They didn't really care about what you were going through.

And people wonder why so many adults are depressed and anxious... sorry about your school experience 

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It's still shocking to me that people who are not "disabled" don't think depression is real.  Or real enough to make going to work possible, or if you do go to work, do a good job at it.  They just don't get it that emotional pain is just as powerful and relevant as physical pain. I have actually, in the past felt, guilty about calling in sick because I didn't know how I would get out of bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, put on my clothes -- there's so much to do before you even get out the door!!!  I actually felt ashamed when I couldn't put on the brave face--the smiling face--and kicked myself inside for not being able to perform.  

Fortunately, those days are over.

 

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On 6/10/2021 at 8:02 PM, womanofthelight said:

It's still shocking to me that people who are not "disabled" don't think depression is real.  Or real enough to make going to work possible, or if you do go to work, do a good job at it.  They just don't get it that emotional pain is just as powerful and relevant as physical pain. I have actually, in the past felt, guilty about calling in sick because I didn't know how I would get out of bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, put on my clothes -- there's so much to do before you even get out the door!!!  I actually felt ashamed when I couldn't put on the brave face--the smiling face--and kicked myself inside for not being able to perform.

yes. I know right! A couple of years ago when I was in a really bad spot I took so many sick days off work because I could not go, I was incapable of functioning like adults are expected too and I almost lost my job cuz if it, but like if I had had cancer and needed to take a lot of time off for chemo that would have been fine and my job would have been secure and waiting for me when I was healthy enough to return.. 

im actually mad at myself for being this depressed, like why, im just so ugh. 

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I pretend I'm ok until I have a nervous breakdown.  I usually leave every job in a way where I can't ever see the people I'm working for again.  I'm forced to tell them the truth because I can't take it one more second.  From then on I'll have to literally run away every time I see them.

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On 6/13/2021 at 5:14 AM, sober4life said:

I pretend I'm ok until I have a nervous breakdown.  I usually leave every job in a way where I can't ever see the people I'm working for again.  I'm forced to tell them the truth because I can't take it one more second.  From then on I'll have to literally run away every time I see them.

I feel this too. Just overall embarrassment of my existence. I keep thinking I need a work from home job but then I go crazy and depressed from being shut up and alone for too long. But I can’t handle showing up daily to work either so can’t win.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel this too, this whole thread. I look back on things I got done while less depressed and just freaking marvel. Who wouldn't rather live that way? But depression wrecks my executive functioning -- focus, memory, prioritizing, learning new stuff... exactly the skills needed for my job. (That's before I even get to the emotional part, the family caregiving duties / emergencies.) 

It takes me 60 hrs to work 30 that I can in good conscience record, but luckily I do work from home. No-one cares what ridiculous hours I work as long as they get what they expect.

Lazy? No. No-one has any idea what it takes.

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1 hour ago, juno_writes said:

Lazy? No. No-one has any idea what it takes.

Ive thought if my brain just magically repaired it self one day i could do way more than people who have never experienced mental illness because ive just put so much more effort into everything even though i fail alot, imagine that effort not spent on my illness

 

im going to try to find work thats not so stressful ive tried pretending im normal i end up making things worse 😞

Edited by isaac s
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On 6/12/2021 at 12:53 AM, Charlee said:

yes. I know right! A couple of years ago when I was in a really bad spot I took so many sick days off work because I could not go, I was incapable of functioning like adults are expected too and I almost lost my job cuz if it, but like if I had had cancer and needed to take a lot of time off for chemo that would have been fine and my job would have been secure and waiting for me when I was healthy enough to return.. 

im actually mad at myself for being this depressed, like why, im just so ugh. 

Being mad at yourself for being depressed is your absorption of unfair and unreasonable social definitions.  People nowadays pay lip service to "self care," but I think the majority of people still see depression as self indulgent and lazy.  Horrible!!  I hope you can forgive yourself for your sadness, grief, anxiety--all those emotions that our culture just wants to sweep under the rug.  How would you treat a friend who came to you, depressed, sad, paralyzed,  anxious?  I KNOW you would understand.  Try to see yourself as that friend who understands and treat yourself accordingly.

I understand, too, that this is hard to do.  It took me years.  Take a shortcut, yes?  Affirm somehow--every day!--that you are worthy of time and care and the freedom to nurture yourself.  

Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

 

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I can relate, I can’t hold down a job or work because of my mental and physical health but it’s more the mental health part and I think mental health should be classes as a disability and there should be more and help and support. Most days I can’t concentrate enough to be safe, on a bad day I can’t cross roads on my own as it wouldn’t be safe and on days I can when I stop concentrating for a moment I break down. But there should be more help for people out there, there’s a lot of ignorance out there and lack of understanding and it needs to change. Even my parents would say to me when I was depressed “we wish we had time to be depressed” and they said they don’t know what I have to be depressed about. The same with my uncle when he had a mental breakdown my parents said similar awful things to and it still peeves me to this very day. 

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On 6/9/2021 at 9:33 AM, sober4life said:

I remember how bad things were when I was in school.  I'm 42.  Things were much different when I was in school.  There were just as many bully teachers and bus drivers as there were bully kids.  You absolutely could be targeted by a teacher or coach and made fun of on a regular basis for all to see and nothing was done ever.  If you acted up on the school bus you might get smacked by the bus driver.  Nobody worked with anyone back then.  They didn't really care about what you were going through.  Here's your assignments do them pass or fail.

My fourth grade teacher actually slugged me in the jaw (1969). Took me back in the "cloak room" to do it, out of sight of the rest of the class.

My middle school math teacher used to quite literally scream at me. Then I'd end up in the principal's office to get yelled at in there. I got smacked by the paddle two different times.

Edited by JD4010
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