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My girlfriend feels worthless


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Hello friends, my name is Lann, I know there are already many topics with similar titles. But please let me tell you here.

My girfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost two years. In the past when I chased her she didn't want to date, she just wanted to get married. I think it's natural because in my religion, only marriage is considered by God.

But over time, she finally wants to date with me *yayy*

Our relationship experienced sweet and sour love, whether there were other men who approached her, or vice versa. but we can get through it just fine.

Our relationship is not limited to verbal only but also to physical contact, you know what I mean. but only limited to foreplay, for further we do not dare. Our relationship is so beautiful.
until finally I was told that her father wanted her with another man of his choice, not me. Although I know that she is fighting for me, but I'm not sure if she can withstand his "parents" request. It doesn't matter, because I don't care about it.

However, in recent weeks she has said that she feels worthless. she finally told me why she didn't want to date (back then) because she was a victim of sexual assault from her exes. she also felt that I was the same as her ex, even though what we did was based on loves, there was no element of coercion. Even though I already know that she's not virgin anymore and I accept her as she is.
Sadly, our communication becomes less frequent, her physical contact is like keeping her distance even just for a hug.
Several times she told me to look for a better woman than her, which made me even better (she thinks). and she said also that she didn't want to marry anyone if we break up.

I tried to make her comfortable, make her more meaningful by praising her a lot, thanking her, but it didn't work. Only makes me hurt, yes because she keeps her distance from me.

What should I do?? I don't want to break up with her, I love her, I want to marry her (next year). should I seek professional help? Or will it go away on its own?

Thanks a lot friends..

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19 minutes ago, Lann said:

Hello friends, my name is Lann, I know there are already many topics with similar titles. But please let me tell you here.

My girfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost two years. In the past when I chased her she didn't want to date, she just wanted to get married. I think it's natural because in my religion, only marriage is considered by God.

But over time, she finally wants to date with me *yayy*

Our relationship experienced sweet and sour love, whether there were other men who approached her, or vice versa. but we can get through it just fine.

Our relationship is not limited to verbal only but also to physical contact, you know what I mean. but only limited to foreplay, for further we do not dare. Our relationship is so beautiful.
until finally I was told that her father wanted her with another man of his choice, not me. Although I know that she is fighting for me, but I'm not sure if she can withstand his "parents" request. It doesn't matter, because I don't care about it.

However, in recent weeks she has said that she feels worthless. she finally told me why she didn't want to date (back then) because she was a victim of sexual assault from her exes. she also felt that I was the same as her ex, even though what we did was based on loves, there was no element of coercion. Even though I already know that she's not virgin anymore and I accept her as she is.
Sadly, our communication becomes less frequent, her physical contact is like keeping her distance even just for a hug.
Several times she told me to look for a better woman than her, which made me even better (she thinks). and she said also that she didn't want to marry anyone if we break up.

I tried to make her comfortable, make her more meaningful by praising her a lot, thanking her, but it didn't work. Only makes me hurt, yes because she keeps her distance from me.

What should I do?? I don't want to break up with her, I love her, I want to marry her (next year). should I seek professional help? Or will it go away on its own?

Thanks a lot friends..

EDIT: However, in past months she constantly asks me why I love her? She's complaining about her face, her skin and has insecurity towards other woman who has glowing skin thingy you know. Finally, in recent weeks she has said that she feels worthless. She finally told me why she didn't want to date (back then) because she was a victim of sexual assault from her exes. She also felt that I was the same as her ex, even though what we did was based on loves, there was no element of coercion. Even though I already know that she's not virgin any more (which is problem in my country and religion), and I accept her as she is.
Sadly, our communication becomes less frequent, her physical contact is like keeping her distance even just for a hug.
Several times she told me to look for a better woman than her, which made me even better (she thinks). And she said also that she didn't want to marry anyone if we break up.

*One thing that makes me feel more confused as hell is, she is no longer shy to change clothes even take a shower in front of me. Is this a sign or a test? Or what? Because I feel this contradicts what she feels (worthless)

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On 6/3/2021 at 6:15 PM, Lann said:

*One thing that makes me feel more confused as hell is, she is no longer shy to change clothes even take a shower in front of me. Is this a sign or a test? Or what? Because I feel this contradicts what she feels (worthless)

Lann, sorry your girl feels so worthless.  To change her attitudes you need to move both of you to a culture that is not so ruthlessly patriarchal.  You say you have accepted her in spite of the (cultural) fact that she's not a virgin.  That's male dominant sexism speaking.

Bulgakov

 

Edited by Bulgakov
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  • 1 month later...

Well, your relationships is difficult. Because I think nothing would have happened if her parents didn't abuse her feelings. Abuse relationships may be with friends, family or love. And if this love is true for you - you should speak more with her. And if you want to marry her, you should keep emotions and always see situations with toxic relationships and know how to respond to gaslighting.

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