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My grandma is codependent and it’s overwhelming

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I was living with my family to help out my grandma. She takes care of everyone’s problems. I think because I’m one of the few people in my family with a caring good attitude she gets even more attached. She had mainly daughters. She ended up being friends with everyone’s boyfriends even after they broke up. I think it’s about how women were raised to cater to men. 

It kinda starts from my grandfather being an abusive alcoholic because of depression. So she was co dependent and has anxiety. She basically has unchecked anxiety her whole life. Poor coping skills, no therapy or treatment just issues with no support or help. My mom has a lot of issues also unchecked and my brothers birth gave her complications. My grandmother basically was having anxiety and panic attacks because she wanted me to stay with her.  So I lived with my grandparents since then. I feel like you couldn’t come up with this even if you were a best selling author. 

I ended up moving this year. I wasn’t doing good but felt bad for my grandma. I’m now feeling more comfortable where I’m living. She is pretty much going crazy. She messages me multiple times in text, WhatsApp, and Facebook messenger every day. She always tries to guilt me into visiting. She was just in the hospital for a health issue that was probably from this stressing her out. Before I moved here I was living further away so it was harder to visit. Now I’m choosing to not visit as well as struggling.

My PTSD decided now it’s time to deal with all the stuff I put off. I take it as a good sign because it’s been been bothering me for a really long time. I just am really struggling with no support besides therapy. I am comfortable enough to face my demons. It’s just stress that people would think I’m making it up lol. What a world we live in because somehow something people really go through is too painful to believe. 

Pretty much I don’t expect anything to change with my family. It’s just sometimes seeing it after writing it gives me a better perspective. Basically just can’t blame myself for this stressing me out. 

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Just now, mrrd117711 said:

Basically just can’t blame myself for this stressing me out. 

Hi Mrrd,

Sorry you are stressed from this, but from what you've said, I agree you can't blame yourself.  Writers I think, have come up with this stuff, for a long time, and movie makers, lots of stories on the subject.  You were caring enough to live with your grandma, to help her and make her feel secure.  And you're caring enough about yourself to change the situation. 

If grandma had a lot of daughters, then some of them had daughters--like you--so there should be others to help.  If grandma was raised to cater to men, then maybe you were raised to cater to elderly kin--many women, especially, have been.  "Catering to" is a different concept than "caring for."  Grandma needs to learn to care for you a bit maybe.  

Keep your head up, Bulgakov

Edited by Bulgakov
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