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wattfoxx

Finally Ready to be Honest

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I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for most of my adult life but especially over the past 3 years. I've been using every bad coping skill that I have to the tenth degree and escaping reality as much as I can. I thought after I had admitted myself to the psych ward over a year, that I had hit my rock bottom and was ready to make big changes. But I recently realized that all my previous experiences in therapy were always based on me trying to fix everyone else around me and questioning why they do things a certain way instead of focusing on what I needed to change and see for MYSELF. I started really trying to take care of myself toward the of last year but lost my insurance and therefore my therapist and have been out of it for the past 7 months -- and the spiral started again. I'm finally starting therapy again next week and for the first time, I'm ready to be honest with myself. I truly don't like myself and until I do, nothing is going to feel worth it and I can't keep putting Band-Aids on my pain. I wanted to write this here so I can hold myself accountable. I am ready to stop sabotaging myself. I am ready to start the healing process. I'm terrified, but it's more terrifying to think I could keep running down this dark path. 

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Welcome new friend to our forum family.

You made a wise decision to join us.

It's always cathartic to post your concerns and find others with similar problems.

Keep in mind your "dark path" is of course a metaphorical dark path.

You are telling yourself that you need light.

Metaphorical light is always available because metaphors only exist when we imagine, pretend and make believe them into existence.

Metaphors help us counteract the debilitating effects of depression and anxiety.

Make yourself at home here and check out other posts for support and meaningful insights.

Oscar

 

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14 hours ago, wattfoxx said:

me trying to fix everyone else around me and questioning why they do things a certain way instead of focusing on what I needed to change and see for MYSELF.

This is a turning point right here. And it resonates with me because avoidance is always my go-to defense. 

14 hours ago, wattfoxx said:

I am ready to stop sabotaging myself. I am ready to start the healing process. I'm terrified, but it's more terrifying to think I could keep running down this dark path. 

Right on my friend. I think growth can only come with some discomfort and facing our fears. Whenever you have a moment when you're unsure if you can do it or should do it, I hope you'll remember what you wrote here. It is more terrifying to continue down a road you've already walked for years knowing exactly where it leads than to do something different. 

That takes courage and we won't always feel stronger than our fears. But for sure, it's a better problem to confront fear and make change.

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