Face it, all of us are alone

[ladysmurf]

1 hour ago, In2deep4me said:

I disagree in general. You're alone because you don't interact with others. Plenty of people are looking for friends and companionship. It's a 2-way street. I have very few friends because I chose that, not because I can't make friends. My partner is my best friend. She loves me and she cares. So does my daughter. The friends I had I alienated because of this damned disease. That's on me, not them.

As for doctors, sure, they are or seem to not truly care. You are their job, not their family or friend. They need to remain distant on a personal level to keep their objectivity and do their job. The medical field is big business and a numbers game, like most any other industry. That doesn't mean you can't find a good doctor who cares about your health. That doesn't mean they want to be your friend or best buddy. My GP is extremely caring about my health. My Pdoc is a decent person but is mainly cycling meds until she hits one that works. That is very typical in the mental health industry. Your wounds aren't as simple as a cut. You get cut up, they stitch you up, you move on. That sort of medicine is easy to deal with.

Given this pandemic, I believe you will see lots of changes in mental health coming down the road. All those so-called normal people are getting a harsh dose of what depression is. They have felt it now and know it's real, and it sucks. You're seeing doctors and most certainly nurses who are burnt out in a year of this Covid nightmare. They're in big need of help to stabilise their mental health.

I'm sorry but I disagree.

It's hard to interact with people to begin with , to built and maintain relationships, try adding anxiety and depression and ocd (my personal problems, but everyone has their own diagnoses, i don't mean to leave others out im just listing my personal diagnoses).. to the picture. It's very hard to find people who will constantly be there for you when you feel at your low, who will be able to comfort you if you are terrified to go out (because you have severe social anxiety) to a restaurant or a coffee house. It's very rare that when you are depressed and nothing seems to excite you that people will say "lets go out you will feel better". After a while people give up, some are afraid, some get tired.  Those people are very rare, and yes you are very lucky if you have them. But when I felt better and the medications worked years ago I had a totally different life, and I was able to live better than I did when they stopped working and I was faced to isolate from the world. Once the people I knew back then saw me fall apart, I would say none stayed around, they didn't even bother to see how i had ended up.  Some were afraid and didn't believe in mental illness so they completely ignored and wrote me out of their life..

It's very hard to explain and try to get someone who does not believe in this illness to make them see how real, damaging, and painful it is.

As far as doctors, again you are lucky if you find good ones who care, because some don't. In every field there are good and bad people. If you find ones that care that's great! If you find ones that hate their job, or don't really care for the patients well being, well good luck to you then..

[ladysmurf]

As far as how people treated me when I feel apart?? That was the worst feeling ever. I was at my lowest point in my life...I was in the hospital and it took me months after getting out of the hospital to find some slight relief into the real world...I did try to reach out to people who knew me when I felt better, and guess what? The majority of them ignored me, had moved on, and some I heard from others didn't want to do anything with a person like me who has these types of issues, so I don't need to tell you how I felt when I heard that..so I had to start from zero ...and learn that whoever wants to accept me for who I am will, if not BYE. Although there is still a lot of stigma with this illness, I cant freely openly talk about it like I can if I was suffering from something else. People are very judgemental and see you differently..

[Nightjar]

@ladysmurf I really hear you about the stigma. My friends and family have never looked at me the same since I was in hospital. It's only 20 years later that my family are beginning to think that maybe I'm not as batsh*t crazy as I was when I was acutely ill....

My family is pretty f'd up and my narcissistic mom uses my past diagnoses against me even though they are completely irrelevant now. If I go against her will she threatens to 'call the doctor'. It's fun stuff. 

I used to endure my social anxiety to hang out with friends and ride out panic attacks sometimes when we were meant to be 'having fun'. Fun times indeed. I don't see those friends now but the times I missed events of theirs due to social anxiety had a massive impact on our friendship. They had no idea what I went through on all of the occasions when I did attend things. They thought I was weak when nothing could be further from the truth. 

It's really hard and I couldn't forgive them for how bad they made me feel for not attending things when I was feeling ill. I did try to explain but, no they didn't get it. Does that make them bad people? 

I don't think so. They couldn't really empathise about something they didn't understand..... They really thought that I was being unfair to them and all they could see was their own hurt feelings. 

I've carried a lot of anger about that for a long time however. Losing my friends was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I've not allowed people in since

 

 

 

Edited May 11, 2021 by Nightjar

[sober4life]

I haven't had friends in who knows how long I've been here 4 years maybe and I don't expect to have anyone in my life really again.  Nobody but family have been inside my house and they've been in here 4 or 5 times I guess.  People don't care whatsoever.  I've helped people plenty of times and put myself out there plenty of times.  It's all me.  When I'm done it's over and I'm done.

[duck]

Agreed!  We are all alone.

Edited May 12, 2021 by duck

[watalife]

I love it alone. I'm ready to get rid of cats to be more alone. I wish I was alone right now so I COULD GO TO SLEEP!

[ladysmurf]

16 hours ago, Nightjar said:

@ladysmurf I really hear you about the stigma. My friends and family have never looked at me the same since I was in hospital. It's only 20 years later that my family are beginning to think that maybe I'm not as batsh*t crazy as I was when I was acutely ill....

My family is pretty f'd up and my narcissistic mom uses my past diagnoses against me even though they are completely irrelevant now. If I go against her will she threatens to 'call the doctor'. It's fun stuff. 

I used to endure my social anxiety to hang out with friends and ride out panic attacks sometimes when we were meant to be 'having fun'. Fun times indeed. I don't see those friends now but the times I missed events of theirs due to social anxiety had a massive impact on our friendship. They had no idea what I went through on all of the occasions when I did attend things. They thought I was weak when nothing could be further from the truth. 

It's really hard and I couldn't forgive them for how bad they made me feel for not attending things when I was feeling ill. I did try to explain but, no they didn't get it. Does that make them bad people? 

I don't think so. They couldn't really empathise about something they didn't understand..... They really thought that I was being unfair to them and all they could see was their own hurt feelings. 

I've carried a lot of anger about that for a long time however. Losing my friends was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I've not allowed people in since

 

 

 

No i don't have it in me to say that they are bad people. Do I feel sad and used when I was nice to them when they needed me and I was there for them but they abandoned me when I was hurting the most. That is the part that hurts me the most. I am not a perfect person, no perfect person exists. We all make mistakes. Certainly I have helped people throughout my life and I continue to do so when I am capable of doing so. But for them to walk away from my life when I was in so much pain, I know they didn't understand it, but still it hurt....do I hold a grudge on them? No, but it hurts I'm not going to lie. That they didn't even bother to attempt to reach out or criticize my illness based on societies stigma, about me being mentally ill and possibly dangerous or whatever people think.

I stopped allowing people in my life as well. I ignored guys who showed interest in me, because I know most people don't deserve the type of life I can give them, which is not a lot. I have come to terms that I will be alone and it does not hurt as much as it did years ago. Plus being a woman makes it harder because people just constantly ask about your life , plans, etc, and that hurts the most, that some people can be so nosy and ask such personal questions without even considering the other persons life when asking such sensitive matters.

[iWantRope]

On 5/12/2021 at 7:46 PM, watalife said:

I love it alone. I'm ready to get rid of cats to be more alone. I wish I was alone right now so I COULD GO TO SLEEP!

So you're okay with not being able to get help from anyone else who isn't yourself?

[watalife]

They ain't nobody got no help for dis people. I rather be stayin alone than kissin day butt.

[watalife]

When you go your whole life without having anyone who cares or includes you. Or when your heart has been ripped out more than twice. Every time you get close to love it's either not real or toxic. You kind of don't trust anyone ever again or have any hope that this person will stay with you. Ooo ooo love hurts.

[monicott17]

No one in real life cares about or seems to respect my opinion. Deep down, I think I have always known that is the case but recently I have experienced it firsthand.

[SailingSoul]

On 5/4/2021 at 5:31 AM, iWantRope said:

You need to be kind to yourself because no one else in the world WILL.

You need to help yourself because no one else in the world WILL.

Inlcuding your own parents. 

Crazy but true.

[monicott17]

On 5/19/2021 at 5:43 PM, monicott17 said:

No one in real life cares about or seems to respect my opinion. Deep down, I think I have always known that is the case but recently I have experienced it firsthand.

^This...now more than ever. I got a pretty harsh lecture and a strong sentiment of disapproval because I have a different view/descision on something than the person who lectured me on it. Quite disheartening that I am not allowed to question and think differently without being judged on it by people I am supposed to trust wholeheartedly.

[sober4life]

5 hours ago, monicott17 said:

^This...now more than ever. I got a pretty harsh lecture and a strong sentiment of disapproval because I have a different view/descision on something than the person who lectured me on it. Quite disheartening that I am not allowed to question and think differently without being judged on it by people I am supposed to trust wholeheartedly.

That sounds like my family get together today or any day.  They're ok long enough to eat and then the debates and the arguments begin.  I used to get involved but I just sit and stare and wait for it to be over at this point.  There are many controlling people at that table that think the only opinion that counts is their opinion.  Hooray I don't have to do that again until Thanksgiving!

[RichW]

I really don’t think posts like this should be on here, they’re not helpful at all. Someone else could see this and feel like giving up. We don’t need it here.

[Atra]

If what you mean is that this community could benefit from focusing on personal growth and change, I endorse that. And I believe this community can hold space for expression of feelings like isolation and abandonment. Those feelings represent the experience of many who seek a safe harbor here. 

[nojoy]

On 6/14/2021 at 7:02 AM, RichW said:

I really don’t think posts like this should be on here, they’re not helpful at all. Someone else could see this and feel like giving up. We don’t need it here.

For many of us here, this is the only safe space we have to discuss our feelings.  Elsewhere, we are told 'get over it', 'no one wants to hear you complain ' or my favorite "Oh that's nice but now lets talk about so & so ( more gossip)'. Or you are completely ignored. 

I always keep people at a distance because I have been hurt too many times both family, extended family & friends & coworkers.

I have come cross many posts that hit too close to home or that I totally disagree with. When that happens, I go to the next post.

[monicott17]

This board is definitely a safe space for me. It has become quite clear to me that no one (outside of my therapist) in real life really cares what I have to say or values my opinion. In fact, I know for certain I am being harshly judged (by my own family members) because of something I have an opposing point of view on than the majority does.

[sober4life]

I've been watching a lot of history lately.  The majority of people have had a lot of insane points of view from day one.  They've been sheep following each other off cliffs since the beginning.  It's a miracle we're still here.  I don't try to fit in.  I try to do what I know is right and hope I would have the strength to do that no matter when I was alive.

Edited June 20, 2021 by sober4life

[isaac s]

Being depressed and people treating me badly because i cant pretend to not be depressed has made come to the realization im trying to realize i need to take care of myself more so i dont think about it

[RichW]

On 6/20/2021 at 7:12 PM, nojoy said:

For many of us here, this is the only safe space we have to discuss our feelings.  Elsewhere, we are told 'get over it', 'no one wants to hear you complain ' or my favorite "Oh that's nice but now lets talk about so & so ( more gossip)'. Or you are completely ignored. 

I always keep people at a distance because I have been hurt too many times both family, extended family & friends & coworkers.

I have come cross many posts that hit too close to home or that I totally disagree with. When that happens, I go to the next post.

I get that, I really do. Whenever someone asks how you are, you're supposed to keep it short and sweet. Course there's still a stigma attached to depression but as a society we are getting a hell of a lot better. For all you or the OP know, the people you're writing off could be going through it themselves and they're having similar thoughts. I need to keep my distance, nobody's interested, nobody will understand etc. Maybe we've been written off by people who think we'll never understand ourselves, maybe we'll never know. Life is full of shades of grey, very little black and white, but what we do know in this echo chamber of a thread is that people will always let you down.

It's one thing to want to avoid advocating false hope, it's another thing  completely to piss on hope. I do believe to the wrong person, posts like this can be a damaging self-fulfilling prophecy that undermines the whole safe space thing. If I ignore that, I'm only doing what the people you allude to are doing about depression. **** it, speaking of distance, I think I need to give this place a wide berth for a while.

[crewneck]

I agree. This is the mindset I've had for all my life. After people constantly failing and disappointing me throughout my life I've realized you can't count on anyone. As I get older I feel pretty lonely with that thought. I wish there were people I could count on. I feel so alone in this world.