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anxiety from stupid covid

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I never really realized I had an issue with anxiety before COVID.  Ever since the pandemic I have realized that it is something I suffer from. 

At first I thought I was sick...I got tested because I felt a constant crushing pressure on my chest. Obviously I tested negative, but and I went to the ER and had a bunch of tests done and medically I was healthy.

Then I had to think about what it could possibly be.  I know that my mother and siblings suffer from panic disorders so I did some research and it sounded exactly like my symptoms.  And there marked the beginning of my battle with anxiety.

Truthfully I should have known it was somewhat of an issue because in 2003 I was in a car accident when my car hit black ice.  Since then I have not been able to drive in the winter.  I get all sweaty and nervous and feel very sick when I try.  Well that right there is a panic attack.  I had never really thought about it and I had never really given it a name.  I just avoided driving in the winter.  As long as there was any amount of snow on the ground I would not drive.

Now back to the present. I am a healthcare worker so I physically work in a place where there is actual cases of covid.  My managers have been horrible with guiding us through maintaining safety for the workers and that has caused me much stress over the last year.  I decided that I needed to do something to help myself.  Constant pressure on my chest, terrible time trying to sleep, losing my hair, constant exhaustion...these were just some of the crappy symptoms that I went through and still am dealing with.  I found a program online to help deal with anxiety and it showed ways to help manage stress and breathing techniques and meditating methods.  I completed this course and it took me about a month or two to get through it.  It also took that amount of time for the meditating to actually start to help.  I felt like this was the answer to my problems as my anxiety seemed to lessen.  I completely stopped watching the news and reading the crap on the internet.  I just found that stuff to be too much and added to my anxiety.

I was doing well for a couple of months I think, then all of a sudden my chest started to tighten again.  This was about the time that word came out about the variants.  At least I think that is what triggered it.  Ever since then, I have been having troubles again. I have been trying to meditate and do my deep breathing but anxiety still seems to be an issue for me.  I finally had my first covid vaccine shot and I think that helped me mentally, but now we have to wear more PPE at work and I am having issues seeing through my new goggles and I have been having constant headaches that don't seem to be going away.  It causes me more stress because I don't know why they bothered adding more PPE for us a year later and with my constant headaches....I don't think that I should have to have work cause me more headaches...I already suffer from migraines so adding to that is really causing me stress and adding to my frustration!!

I am frustrated and quite mad that something can have such a negative affect on me.  I am trying to do everything I can to calm my mind and do things that I like or that bring me joy but I find that I am getting tired of dealing with this stupid anxiety all the time.  I don't know that I need medication because my anxiety is not there all of the time, but I find that stress is there literally all of the time.  At the beginning of my anxiety I was taking some lorazepam but I only did that a few times.  I guess I should maybe talk to my dr. about it and see what she says but I would rather not take medication for this.  I don't have terrible panic attacks where I cant breathe or am frozen in a spot or anything, I literally just feel a constant pressure in the center of my chest.  I'm sure that I should probably also talk to somebody about my anxiety but sometimes I feel that I just don't want to focus on it that much.

I just feel very frustrated and I know I need to do things like exercise and talk to someone and clean my house and be more productive but all I really want to do is lock myself into a quiet room where nobody can tell me bad news, and nobody can bother me.  I feel like I need to rest or sleep for like a month and I feel like I want the whole world to leave me alone for a bit....

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1 hour ago, AMSA said:

I'm sure that I should probably also talk to somebody about my anxiety but sometimes I feel that I just don't want to focus on it that much.

Hi Amsa,

Thanks for maintaining your healthcare job during covid!  Good job of describing what brought you here.  You've also done a lot to try and improve your outlook.  But I get that it doesn't always help.   Stress, depression, and anxiety are all joined at the hip.

If you mentioned talking to a mental health professional I missed it.  There are talk therapies and medicines for all three.  As you probably know, lorazepam, is short acting and often prescribed for panic attacks, but isn't a treatment for depression.  Maybe talk to a specialist in these areas would help clarify what your going through.  Because the three maladies are connected in fluid ways, it will be difficult I think to get going on treatment if you save 'anxiety' as a separate thing. 

Best in your effort,

Bulgakoov

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