Jump to content
APFSDS

Things I don't talk about:

Recommended Posts

I have no illusions about love. It's either desire or obsession I have - even though I don't do anything out of the ordinary.

I haven't talked to that person properly for decades. An oopsie happened in my brain and I fell in love way back then; I have a terrible religious upbringing which also contributed to basically emotional destruction - loathesome. Loathesome.

Abhorrent ignoring of my mental issues by my parents when I was a teen.

Now I finally plucked up every ounce of courage I had and basically "crashed through the door" in a manner of speaking by blathering out all in a vague confession in some text messages.
Not sure it did a lot of good, rather it makes me feel terror. I am terrified by the only person I truly miss in this damn world.

This is not right, but I feel less fear when I'm threatened with violence than talking about these feelings. I am so ashamed and I hate myself so much.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Evergreenforst4 said:

Hi,

Finding love can be hard but it is better never give up on your dreams.

If someone rejects you, you are better off without them because out there is someone who will accept you.

The trouble is that there is no energy left to search for those who would accept me.
I'm terrified because I'm afraid I will destroy them with my morose personality.

I've been told countless times that finding a partner would fix me. Perhaps, but the fear is still here. I don't want to hurt them.

Sure, it could force me to work hard on my way of thinking... but it's incredibly difficult.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, APFSDS said:

I have no illusions about love. It's either desire or obsession I have - even though I don't do anything out of the ordinary.

I haven't talked to that person properly for decades. An oopsie happened in my brain and I fell in love way back then; I have a terrible religious upbringing which also contributed to basically emotional destruction - loathesome. Loathesome.

Abhorrent ignoring of my mental issues by my parents when I was a teen.

Now I finally plucked up every ounce of courage I had and basically "crashed through the door" in a manner of speaking by blathering out all in a vague confession in some text messages.
Not sure it did a lot of good, rather it makes me feel terror. I am terrified by the only person I truly miss in this damn world.

This is not right, but I feel less fear when I'm threatened with violence than talking about these feelings. I am so ashamed and I hate myself so much.

 

It doesn't sound like an "oopsie" to me at all. You like someone and you confessed to them. It might not had the outcome you were hoping for but still you did NOTHING wrong!

Rejection sucks. Feels awful. But it takes a lot to be able to tell someone we have feelings for them. So I think it was brave of you for doing that.

Im sorry your parents didnt show you the understanding you needed when you were young I know how that feels 😕 . im in my mid twenties and the older I get the more I feel like my childhood traumas weigh me down. I hope that you can soon learn to have more compassion for yourself and have that some love you had for that person and show some of that to yourself. as corny and cliche as it sounds I do think that sometimes the love we need the most is from ourselves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, APFSDS said:

The trouble is that there is no energy left to search for those who would accept me.
I'm terrified because I'm afraid I will destroy them with my morose personality.

I've been told countless times that finding a partner would fix me. Perhaps, but the fear is still here. I don't want to hurt them.

Sure, it could force me to work hard on my way of thinking... but it's incredibly difficult.

The way the human mind works is we tend to focus on bad things sometimes.

For example if you drive somewhere you will most likely be bothered by a crazy driving car than notice all the other cars that drive good.

There are a lot of nice people out there but first you must overcome yourself. You will lose a lot of energy because you are fighting yourself because you are equally matched with yourself.

You can try positive self talk and think like a champion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/22/2021 at 7:34 PM, June322 said:

It doesn't sound like an "oopsie" to me at all. You like someone and you confessed to them. It might not had the outcome you were hoping for but still you did NOTHING wrong!

Rejection sucks. Feels awful. But it takes a lot to be able to tell someone we have feelings for them. So I think it was brave of you for doing that.

Im sorry your parents didnt show you the understanding you needed when you were young I know how that feels 😕 . im in my mid twenties and the older I get the more I feel like my childhood traumas weigh me down. I hope that you can soon learn to have more compassion for yourself and have that some love you had for that person and show some of that to yourself. as corny and cliche as it sounds I do think that sometimes the love we need the most is from ourselves.

The awful thing is - It was me doing the rejection. Out of fear and confusion. The guilt is overwhelming.

The lack of positive reinforcement is oft one of the problems. Not exactly "positive" but "USEFUL".

I looked at my mum and dad my whole life and they ruined my perception of a good relationship... it's just insane.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/24/2021 at 9:02 AM, Bulgakov said:

LOL

I know it can sound funny but sometimes you got to believe in yourself. Olympic athletes do this. It is a technique called visualization, because when people see themselves succeeding they can do it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

I did talk to someone about this and one obstacle seems to be going from zero to hero in terms of mindset. It is a process that will not happen overnight.

You can try starting with smaller goals like telling yourself one thing you like about yourself per day and work up from there.

Edited by Evergreenforst4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tbh, I have no clue what I'm doing. I knew this was going to be very difficult, but dang...
I was kind of accepted, I think. But I'm not sure. I think I'm hurrying too much into it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...