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Blue Giant

How do I Stop

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Is there a way out of this cycle of darkness? I don't do the things I know I should and continue to do things I don't want to do knowing they will cause me pain and shame. This cycle of addiction to mask my depression spins so fast it seems the next cycle is beginning before the first one stops. While the shame sets in from the first addiction I'm thinking about the second to make me feel better. It is kind of like paying of my first credit card with my second credit card but it always ends with me lying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking why?

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I can comment on the "cycle of darkness" metaphor.

We are not helpless confronting a metaphorical cycle.

A cycle can be reversed and darkness obviously needs light.

The important thing to understand is the nature of metaphors.

Metaphors only exist when we pretend, imagine and make believe them into existence.

Depression plays awful tricks on our poor psyches so maybe we should just play a few clever tricks right back.

I have an unlimited supply of clever and powerful metaphors to counteract the debilitating effects of depression.

Perhaps this can help a little.

Oscar 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

It is a cycle of darkness.  At the end you hide away and do it.  You feel ashamed and disgusted with yourself and you have rock bottom depression really all the time but continue because even though it's hell it's a hell you know.  Your mind is in a frantic stage right now come on this used to work so the addiction grows and grows at the end trying to feel good again.  Once you are to this stage it's not working anymore and probably never will work again.  I know how you feel.  It's been a lifetime of being bullied and abused.  Some of us have to go through that in this life.  It's like all of the abusers see the abuse we've gone through in our behavior or something about us I don't know.  I think things started getting better when I started sticking up for myself and cutting out the toxic people in my life.  Don't be aggressive but if they give it to you give it right back.  Who the hell do they think they are?  You can do this.  I believe in you.  You have found a way to get yourself and the closest people to you your kids through a pandemic.  You can do anything you want.

Edited by sober4life

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Thanks for the encouragement. I know what you mean by the "abusers see", it's like I got a target on my back. How is it every place I end up in I'm the one who gets pick on. It's sad to say but I like these pandemic lockdowns, gives me an excuse not to be social, which I know is  wrong but it feels safe. 

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My social life didn't change with the lockdowns, at least very much. I miss going to the library and hanging out at my favorite coffee shop...but I did those things alone anyway. 

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I remember the 4 or 5 times I was forced to play bingo in my life and I actually would have won a prize a couple of times but I sat there and said nothing because even a prize wasn't enough incentive to be social.  

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I've had many addictions in my life. I've cracked a few (nicotine, caffeine) but my addictive behaviour has found other outlets(!) I still have a big sugar addiction. 

For me, I stop when I stop. There will come a point, usually after a binge, where I don't want to do it again.... And then I stop for a bit. Ok, after that, the desire for sugar comes back and the cycle repeats...

I do it again, then I stop, over and over. 

But I think I learn a little bit more each time about my triggers and my moods and about whether or not, the addiction actually helps me feel good. 

I know that stress is my trigger numero uno and whenever I am really stressed the scales start creeping up from the extra sugary calories I eat. I also know that if I avoid keeping too much sugar in the house I just won't eat it. 

I also know that if I allow myself to have some in moderation it can be helpful in stopping binges.... But it still keeps the addiction alive. 

I have been cold turkey but the addictive tendency is still alive in me and until that is gone, I will always be addicted to something 🤔

My motto is damage limitation. I know my addiction is bad for my body so I try to keep the numbers down ie: I try to limit my consumption as much as I can. 

 

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I get fruit in light syrup to get my sugar mostly at this point.  No I don't want to hear yeah but you have about 50 large cans of peaches right now either.  I'm not giving it up.  We live in a world that apparently has 75 names for sugar which means when we figure out the names they make new names so it's probably more like 100 or more names.  

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My food addiction is chocolate, I do enjoy all kinds of comfort foods but don't crave them, I have to have chocolate everyday. Moderation doesn't work for me, I went cold turkey once but it came back. Stress is a also a huge trigger for all my addictions. 

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