Jump to content

Existensial/Death OCD


Recommended Posts

Hello there!

I am new here but this seems like a good spot to make a question. Last year i had my first panic attack that led to some health issues and was afterwards bundled with lockdown in my country due to coronavirus(Greek lockdown, one of the worst). That was when I also stopped smoking weed cold turkey( I was a smoker for almost 2 years) I was really afraid due to the panic attack which led me to believe I was dead and trapped inside the confines of my house in a purgatory/hell style torture. I started getting better in time by myself but was overwhelmed and decided to try a psychologist. Turns out I have OCD but in the form of Ruminations and Intrusive thoughts only, basically meaning I get an idea even the smallest and it grows and grows until it gets out of proportions and I couldn't handle it. There were times where I was afraid to go to sleep thinking that losing my conscience- i.e. Sleeping - would cause me to die, or I would close my eyes and an image would pop in my brain of my wrists cut and would get tingly in my  wrists and be afraid to be around knives.That led to a bit of derealization as I understood it. After the psychologists and several doctors appointments to prove to myself that I am okay (I had headaches, heart pinches, and other stuff like that)I got better but instead of being afraid of diseases i started questioning existence. Recently I found that what I sometimes feel is solipsism(The notion that reality is real to me only and every other thing is a projection of it). That mixed with a thought that everything is a simulation and/or that I would die any moment led me to believe in symbolic things. For example two of my favourite games are gonna be released on march 30 for the PC. Instead of hyping about that day it seems weird and I half expect to die/stop existing that day just because it seems like a "final" thing/gift or something. It's really exhausting and doesn't let me enjoy the improvement I had since last year

When I have other stuff to do or am well rested physicaly and psychologicaly i don't get these ideas but small things like a word said on TV or even my discord that lags for 2 seconds but then continues from where it left like there was no cut in the sound at all(trying to search if it is a feature actually) reinforce those ideas.

So my question is, do you guys have anything simillar or have any idea what might help with these kinds of things?

Sorry in advance if my text seems like it's jumbled, i tried to include only the most important stuff and I don't know about the cohesion it has.

 

Thank you in advance!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi and welcome to the forums! Thanks for sharing some meaningful things you're struggling with. Sorry to hear that obsessions have been been a burden, sounds like thay can be upsetting. And panic attacks I know are frightening and thankfully brief. 

Existential OCD is a pretty common form--you mentioned fear of death and resulting avoidance of sleep. Losing Control OCD is another common variety, you mentioned intrusive thoughts about harming yourself and avoiding knives. And Hyper-responsibilty--the thoughts about your favorites games release will an affect on your existence--I've heard of that too. 

You have good insight into your condition, you're aware these are obsessive thoughts, and that is a good sign for your ability to manage and later on improve. Seeking help is another good sign. Coming here and sharing is still another.

I hope you give yourself credit for making efforts to get help because it's much harder to face mental health conditions alone.

Your brain has some "sticky thoughts" and that same organ is attempting to make sense of why these thoughts get stuck. My friends living with OCD have had some good result from cognitive therapies and maybe your psychiatrist can recommend some? It takes work and effort to process thoughts in a different manner than how they're handled by OCD or anxiety but that's well worth that effort, I think. 

Wishing you some peace. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello and thanks for your answer!

In my post I forgot to mention that with my psychologist we tried some ways of CBT, specifically I learned to hold my OCD accountable for the intrusive thoughts, so instead of obsessing with why am I thinkig this, the answer I give is "it's ok it's just my OCD". Another way is to try to ignore it or by saying my thought is just a thought and not the reality. Those things helped immensely but mostly when I bundled them with the psychologist. After some weekly sessions, I started going once every other week then once every three etc. until I stopped because I thought that by going all the time I would be too dependant on the psychologist which realistically is a bad idea long term. I started going last July and stopped this January. So to rephrase my question, in times that you start to "slide back" into more often OCD episodes, is there anything you can do other than go back to the psychologist?

Thanks in advance!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Καλησπέρα. μήπως θα βοηθουσε να σε δει ψυχίατρος? Νομίζω οι ιδεοψυχαναγκαστικές διαταραχές είναι κυρίως θέμα ψυχιάτρου.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/26/2021 at 7:50 AM, Sepiraji said:

I thought that by going all the time I would be too dependant on the psychologist which realistically is a bad idea long term.

I'm curious why this would seem like a worse problem than managing your OCD condition without help, which seems really difficult and painful to me. 

I see my therapist only once a month now that I'm able to use the skills I learned in CBT, DBT and ACT without her help. But I still rely on support groups made up of people with mental illnesses to help me with hold my unhelpful thoughts very lightly. So that they don't seem like truths. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 3/31/2021 at 1:11 PM, Erudinam said:

Καλησπέρα. μήπως θα βοηθουσε να σε δει ψυχίατρος? Νομίζω οι ιδεοψυχαναγκαστικές διαταραχές είναι κυρίως θέμα ψυχιάτρου.

Καλησπέρα και ευχαριστώ για την απάντηση. Επειδή βλέπω οτι πάει πολυ σε συνάρτιση με το πως νιώθω θεώρησα οτι μπορεί να είναι αρκετό το να πάω σε ψυχολόγο καθώς η αλήθεια είναι οτι σε ψυχίατρο άμα παω, παρολλο που το πρόβλημα μπορεί να ταυτοποιηθεί, θα χρειαστεί χρήση φαρμάκων απο οσο γνωρίζω για την ψυχιατρική, πραγμα που θέλω να αποφύγω εφόσον βλέπω οτι και ο ψυχολόγος εχει αποτέλεσμα. Η ερώτηση μου πηγαινε απλα στο οτι εαν υπάρχουν ας το πούμε "τρικ" που μπορεί να είχε ο οποισδήποτε για να αντιμετωπίζει τα "επεισοδεια" που μπορεί να συμβουν.

 

On 4/7/2021 at 12:10 PM, Atra said:

I'm curious why this would seem like a worse problem than managing your OCD condition without help, which seems really difficult and painful to me. 

I see my therapist only once a month now that I'm able to use the skills I learned in CBT, DBT and ACT without her help. But I still rely on support groups made up of people with mental illnesses to help me with hold my unhelpful thoughts very lightly. So that they don't seem like truths. 

The way you are explaining it seems like the perfect way to cope with this. Although I haven't tried a support group (this place kind of is like one, and it seems to be helping just to hear what other people go through and have to say), going once a month to my therapist seems ideal. It's just that when I used to go back in the summer, it was like I was longing to go to therapy which for the time was understandable because it felt like I had a mountain in front of me, but I was afraid that I was going to be hooked on that, the feeling that whatever bad happens I'll have to go to my therapist or I wouldn't be able to cope with it. It subsided when I stopped but when I started the post it was like something happened again and my first thought was maybe I should go to my therapist. Truth is I powered through that one episode and I am better now but the question remains. The overthinking is really tiring and it drains me especially during this quarantine. Will our heads keep working like that even after learning all the tricks there are to learn? :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Sepiraji said:

Truth is I powered through that one episode and I am better now but the question remains. The overthinking is really tiring and it drains me especially during this quarantine. Will our heads keep working like that even after learning all the tricks there are to learn? 😛

Glad to hear you got through this episode and you are better now. That took strength and resilience. I'm going through an episode of depression and anxiety now, brought on in part due to isolation from quarantine. 

I must be honest I don't know the answer to your question in terms of your struggle with OCD. The skills I learned in CBT are helping me get through this episode, and I have accepted that episodes will happen eventually (although I had enjoyed 3 years between them). Fewer episodes, the bad times are shorter in length and the good times longer--that is how I define "recovery" for myself. I credit myself for the work I've done in therapy and outside therapy, by using what I've learned.

I like to think that therapy helped me but my recovery is my own. 🙂

Wishing you more moments of peace from intrusive thoughts. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 3/25/2021 at 8:39 PM, Sepiraji said:

Hello there!

I am new here but this seems like a good spot to make a question. Last year i had my first panic attack that led to some health issues and was afterwards bundled with lockdown in my country due to coronavirus(Greek lockdown, one of the worst). That was when I also stopped smoking weed cold turkey( I was a smoker for almost 2 years) I was really afraid due to the panic attack which led me to believe I was dead and trapped inside the confines of my house in a purgatory/hell style torture. I started getting better in time by myself but was overwhelmed and decided to try a psychologist. Turns out I have OCD but in the form of Ruminations and Intrusive thoughts only, basically meaning I get an idea even the smallest and it grows and grows until it gets out of proportions and I couldn't handle it. There were times where I was afraid to go to sleep thinking that losing my conscience- i.e. Sleeping - would cause me to die, or I would close my eyes and an image would pop in my brain of my wrists cut and would get tingly in my  wrists and be afraid to be around knives.That led to a bit of derealization as I understood it. After the psychologists and several doctors appointments to prove to myself that I am okay (I had headaches, heart pinches, and other stuff like that)I got better but instead of being afraid of diseases i started questioning existence. Recently I found that what I sometimes feel is solipsism(The notion that reality is real to me only and every other thing is a projection of it). That mixed with a thought that everything is a simulation and/or that I would die any moment led me to believe in symbolic things. For example two of my favourite games are gonna be released on march 30 for the PC. Instead of hyping about that day it seems weird and I half expect to die/stop existing that day just because it seems like a "final" thing/gift or something. It's really exhausting and doesn't let me enjoy the improvement I had since last year

When I have other stuff to do or am well rested physicaly and psychologicaly i don't get these ideas but small things like a word said on TV or even my discord that lags for 2 seconds but then continues from where it left like there was no cut in the sound at all(trying to search if it is a feature actually) reinforce those ideas.

So my question is, do you guys have anything simillar or have any idea what might help with these kinds of things?

Sorry in advance if my text seems like it's jumbled, i tried to include only the most important stuff and I don't know about the cohesion it has.

 

Thank you in advance!

i am sorry for the long lock down you are facing and the OCD. have you tried NAC the supplement/ that might help with OCD thoughts it has helped me a little bit. I can relate to your OCD because it's a little similar to mine..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...