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mrrd117711

Afraid to get close to people

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I have abandonment issues and am a loner. I guess usually need to explain the loner stuff first. I realized I can socialize fine in one on one conversations. I always struggled when conversations have a lot of people involved. I guess I just looked up stuff online. I ended up seeing that there was some science to it.
 

It seems like loners feel discomfort when a lot of people are around. Of course that’s not how the majority of people think so it’s pretty much always an issue. You’re not really going to make people feel good by saying the thing they enjoy brings me pain. I can at least have some peace of mind but still makes it a struggle. 
 

The abandonment issues stem from my parents splitting up probably when I was one. Also my mom has a lot of issues with depression just like most of my moms family. They don’t take getting help seriously. Instead it’s more of there’s nothing you can do. I ended up growing up with my Grandparents because my mom had issues giving birth to my brother. At least that’s the story.

Add a really bad breakup to the person I was closest to and just not really having much success with relationships. The sad thing is we have a weird deep connection. I think her childhood messed her up with being abused. I still think her mom is emotionally abusive. Her mom had cancer and she was taking care of her. Her dad was physically and emotionally abusive when she was young.

Now you add me being really depressed and struggling after the breakup. It’s just a recipe for disaster. We sometimes keep in touch. It’s just not a good idea. Her being triggered by her childhood and me being triggered by the breakup and my depression. It makes no sense because I’m not really in a good place to meet anyone anyways. So I’m just trying to focus on myself. I just have to find a way to deal with missing her. 
 

I don’t know I feel like I just write this for myself. It’s always really long so not really gonna have a lot of people read this. I guess I can’t please everyone. 

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Posted (edited)

I'm a loner because all people do is use each other.  In the beginning when I started doing better in life I thought when people came around more and talked to me more it meant they cared.  The reality is they just saw that me the work horse was healthier and they could get more free or cheap work out of me.

Edited by sober4life

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I wrote this but I kinda feel like I’m not able to say exactly what I wanted.
 

I definitely feel that pain but have to say what helped me today. I was watching videos of rescue animals. I also saw a news story of a foster kid who needed a kidney transplant getting adopted by his teacher. Things like that help me believe that at least some people out there care. I’m still a mess right now. I also wish I knew why hasn’t it happened yet idk. 
 

Idk if you have been around people who work in psychology but I feel their support has meant a lot to me. I guess there’s a chance other people can be compassionate but not exactly something I see a lot. Also the stigma makes it worse. 

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I always feel uncomfortable being with a lot of people. It's like I'm finding a hard time to come up width something to say, and that makes me difficult. 😞

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On 3/25/2021 at 11:34 PM, mrrd117711 said:

I have abandonment issues and am a loner. I guess usually need to explain the loner stuff first. I realized I can socialize fine in one on one conversations. I always struggled when conversations have a lot of people involved. I guess I just looked up stuff online. I ended up seeing that there was some science to it.
 

It seems like loners feel discomfort when a lot of people are around. Of course that’s not how the majority of people think so it’s pretty much always an issue. You’re not really going to make people feel good by saying the thing they enjoy brings me pain. I can at least have some peace of mind but still makes it a struggle. 
 

The abandonment issues stem from my parents splitting up probably when I was one. Also my mom has a lot of issues with depression just like most of my moms family. They don’t take getting help seriously. Instead it’s more of there’s nothing you can do. I ended up growing up with my Grandparents because my mom had issues giving birth to my brother. At least that’s the story.

Add a really bad breakup to the person I was closest to and just not really having much success with relationships. The sad thing is we have a weird deep connection. I think her childhood messed her up with being abused. I still think her mom is emotionally abusive. Her mom had cancer and she was taking care of her. Her dad was physically and emotionally abusive when she was young.

Now you add me being really depressed and struggling after the breakup. It’s just a recipe for disaster. We sometimes keep in touch. It’s just not a good idea. Her being triggered by her childhood and me being triggered by the breakup and my depression. It makes no sense because I’m not really in a good place to meet anyone anyways. So I’m just trying to focus on myself. I just have to find a way to deal with missing her. 
 

I don’t know I feel like I just write this for myself. It’s always really long so not really gonna have a lot of people read this. I guess I can’t please everyone. 

Yes it's true that you can't please everyone. Because you are made that way. You are not created to please or to comply on everybody's needs. That is the hard reality. I know the feeling that you want other people to like you, and appreciate you. But before that, the first thing that you must do is to LOVE, and APPRECIATE yourself. You cannot prioritize other people and make them appreciate you if you can't prioritize yourself first. I am sorry if you will like this. But some people cannot be pleased, no matter how hard we try  😞 I was there. 

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