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My ex contacted me and I’m a mess


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I really can’t summarize the whole situation. I don’t think it will work out. I also have never been around someone I get along with like that. It’s a connection that haunts me. All my symptoms and just life in general hasn’t been the same after the breakup. This is the month she broke up with me years ago. I had to stop myself from trying to call her last week and I did. I also had an unexpected insurance bill that made it hard to pay rent this month. My grandma got COVID but so far she’s ok.  
 

I tried support hotlines because I have no support system. I have a therapist and a care worker but not like we are gonna be friends in real life. Also doesn’t help being a guy and a loner. I hope some people understand loners because it’s like I’m always defending myself. I have friends but just to kinda talk and hang out.

 I feel like I reacted before I could think. She said her mom was going to be fully recovered from cancer. She didn’t say much so I asked her how she felt. Now I feel like me trying to get more out of her triggered me. I can’t even put into words all the stuff coming over me. I put that I hope she and her mom are ok but I have to think about myself and nothing else.
 

Yesterday I didn’t eat or do really anything. I woke up today and felt kinda better so just hoping I can keep it up. I know this makes me sound like victim but I’m trying to work through all of this. I just keep trying and maybe some of this stuff helps. 

Edited by mrrd117711
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I'm so sorry you are in this distressing and unhappy situation.  The human brain is so mysterious and seems to have a mind of its own.  My brain caused all kinds of distressing thoughts and feelings in me when I was in a situation somewhat similar to your.  There were things I wanted my brain to think and feel and do but my brain just would not cooperate.  It was a miserable time for me.  My heart goes out to you!

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Hi, I hope this will not turn into an endless response. Just wanna get my point of view across.  First sorry to read about your situation. However.  I am in kinda the same boat. All rather new then years ago. But it is all alive and an ongoing deal. I tried counseling  last year and that went well bad because it was via Zoom and the counselor was a carbon copy of my "Ex"  by any possible aspect ...that did not go well. I went through "High" and "Low" moods and feelings in the last 400 days or so. I ended up in the ER for not eating and combined with stress about all of it I had a seizure - smack in the worse place - at work . So embarrassing and mind bugling afterwards. I learned that I am not a victim and it is OK to speak out what you think and feel - even to strangers like here. It helped me A LOT so far. So stay here and share whatever is on your mind. I am new here and I feel "home" 🙂 

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This is the year we focus on ourselves and leave those who are toxic out of our lives. I had an ex from 20 years ago reach out to me regularly on social media. I have to believe he’s going through something and using me as an outlet. I have since stopped using social media and am taking a break. I am thankful he does not have my mobile number! I do not wish to reminisce about the past or invite that toxicity/negativity into my life again. Kudos to you for not reaching out to her and finding support elsewhere!

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I appreciate what was said but honestly hard to make much sense. I feel I’m facing the pain from my past but it’s making me completely dissociate. I am basically used to going through painful moments and just surviving it. I basically just make things really basic. I feel like my mind is stronger than my body because I am having issues from stress. All I can do is force myself to be strong.
 

Idk why I feel like saying this but it’s like being on a train ride you don’t want to be on. I guess after awhile all you can do is enjoy the view. Yea I end up being vague at times like this must be my brain protecting myself. I guess feeling better isn’t going to be easy. 

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On 3/21/2021 at 1:54 PM, mrrd117711 said:

I feel like my mind is stronger than my body because I am having issues from stress

I am still reading .. I soak up anything I can find here. I know how it feels to have your mind to be stronger than your body. Got me in the ER a few times for that matter . The train ride is a ticket you " purchased" ...just as I did. There was just no clear destination I guess. So you are stuck on that train just as I am until it is found. All we can do is watch the scenery go by and pick the right  stop to get out. I am trapped and stuck as well until I - ME - decide it is time. So I need many passengers and conductors to guide me to the right door. That is what I am her for, we are here for and you are here for. Keep your chin up 😉

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Disassociation is our bodies way of protecting ourselves, but can be such a slippery slope. Give yourself major credit, you are actively seeking other outlets and trying to connect with others on this platform. That is huge! disassociation can be a good thing in the moment, but I implore you to keep seeking connection and other coping mechanisms so that survival mode does not become a way of life for you. In case you haven’t heard it in a while, you are doing the best you can right now and that is ok. (That mantra has helped me slowly climb my way out of a survival mode way of life, and I hope it brings you hope and healing). 

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