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Would love to hear some thoughts on this?

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Hi all, I guess I just would like an opinion on something. For the most part of the previous year I have been for the most part struggling with depression. I started to feel depressed in my final year at uni. and this just persisted throughout 2020, I almost didn't finish my final year project at university.

Fast forward to September I was still feeling down but got a job opportunity in my field that I took. I did have a really hard time at the job and I know while I moved away from home to my apartment, I wasn't in a good state but I soldiered on during the job.

I eventually broke down while on the job, was having panic attacks and couldn't manage my thought at all. I spiralled down badly and came back home. For nearly two months now I've been ruminating constantly, was really paranoid about things, overanalyzing things. 

I was really paranoid and I couldn't even watch TV because I kept on seeing parallels between me and things that may not even be remotely related to me. For example I saw on the news someone that robbed a business owner and related that to me and what I did by walking out of my job. I really was in a bad place and my mind was on overload. 

I had a massive brain fog and basically couldn't think properly as well. I remember walking in the grocery and getting lost and also feeling very uneasy about the people around me, like they could see through me which. I was so unnerved when an employee asked me if I wanted help. I felt targeted. I guess that's how I remember how I felt.

A few weeks ago though I started feeling like I started to have some clarity, my mood started to shift and my mind wasn't on overload. I even went back to the grocery and I felt completely different from when I was in a really dark place, wasn't lost or worried about what others thought.

I guess lately my brain doesn't feel so heavy. I don't feel paranoid about things. I'm no longer overthinking and I feel like I have a drive to do things again. For the most part this feels like progress from this entire past year. I am still not certain if it'll last.

But has anyone ever experienced the shift in mood after a long period of just feeling empty and depressed. The thing is for the past 3 weeks or so I noticed an improvement in my mood but didn't have a drive to get anything done. As of late I've felt as though  have that drive again. I feel like I am looking forward to just doings things even if it is something minor like washing clothes or wares. I'd just like to hear some thoughts if anyone has the time.


Edited by eyesonfire1

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Just now, eyesonfire1 said:

I kept on seeing parallels between me and things that may not even be remotely related to me.

Hello Eyes on Fire,

The gears that drive our moods slip a lot.  Sorry you are having trouble finding your bearings.  I do the same as you in the sentence above.  Sometimes things seen or heard throughout the day recall my own experiences, and they are usually negative flashes of memory.

For example, when I see "Home Alone" or ads for the movie on TV it brings up a an unpleasant memory of a row I had with my brother.  There's no direct link there except the one I make in my mind.  Very un-clever of me.

Symptoms, behaviors of labeled mental conditions shift, increase and decrease, and even come and go.  Good to hear your mood has improved, that's always a possibility.  How to motivate yourself when you have no motivation?  That question pops up often here.

hope things are smoothing out for you, congrats on finishing uni, Bulgakov


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Sounds very familiar. Watching a TV Show and all the sudden it seems like a mirror. It got me to the point to turn the TV off and try to forget. And the shift in mood I definitely can agree on. It happens out of the blue and I "lie" to myself that all is fine just to find out later that I am not and all the "Happy" was just a cover up. I will find myself just as bad as I was before .Full of doubt and mistrust . I just liked to feel happy for a bit I guess. But reality will catch me every single time.. So does a stupid TV show.




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