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SailingSoul

Realizing I chose a loser for the 2nd time around

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Im considering breaking up with my bf--well not considering but set on it. I just feel so stupid bc I was wow'd at first bc he treated me alright in the beginning but now I realize that's just bare minimum and again for someone who hasnt gotten that from their own dad it just seemed like a lot.. but this is what I'm dealing with


> He's 39 still at home (He's left home before but it was always with a girlfriend/female he moved in with or friend--he's never owned an apt alone)

> 39 and needs a cosigner for a car

> I have a car so I'm always going to see him (I'm pregnant ) and I wait by his mailbox bc his mom is funny about having stranger's inside. He's never talked to his mom about introducing me and when I brought it up he just forget or doesn't do anything further.

> With his stimulus instead of getting items for his child on the way he divides it up between his parents
> The only thing his mom said about me is that Im taking her help away bc he does a lot around her house. When he tried to show her the ultrasound of the baby she didn't look at it..

> Bc of his legal trouble he can't get a place of his own and he doesn't know where his credit score is at... 


I feel like I chose not only a mama's boy but a dumb man as well. I hate Im having his child bc he's so shiftless-- he smokes n drinks..Lord. Im glad I signed tubal ligation papers. Im just beating myself up bc  Im just not reaping in benefits from this relationship he;s reaping them from me I feel.

 

I feel like having a shitty father coupled with lack of social experiences I was just ill equipped--I dont ant to date ever again but looking at relationship videos show me where I went wrong each  time. 

 

Man I feel stupid. 

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I just feel depressed that my self esteem is low as shxt and it shows through my actions. 1 kid was fine but 2 when my child is barely a year makes me feel like the queen of whores--I feel I'll never make a good decision not in regards to love anyway and It'd be better for me to be single --I just feel so much shame having 2 kids  with different dads and he dads are shit. Granted the 1st I saw his was BS a mile away and cut him off instantly--the second he seemed like a nice guy until it he showed his truer colors( a drunken sob). I had zero relationship experience so in an attempt to gain and experience I just went about things the wrong way. Anyway, all of it my fault--I just feel regret. Just makes me depressed I feel like a whore having 2 kids by different men, depressed i'll have to deal with my bf soon to be ex forever.

Just feel like a bird brained retard.

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On 2/9/2021 at 11:49 AM, SailingSoul said:

I just feel depressed that my self esteem is low as shxt and it shows through my actions. 1 kid was fine but 2 when my child is barely a year makes me feel like the queen of whores--I feel I'll never make a good decision not in regards to love anyway and It'd be better for me to be single --I just feel so much shame having 2 kids  with different dads and he dads are shit. Granted the 1st I saw his was BS a mile away and cut him off instantly--the second he seemed like a nice guy until it he showed his truer colors( a drunken sob). I had zero relationship experience so in an attempt to gain and experience I just went about things the wrong way. Anyway, all of it my fault--I just feel regret. Just makes me depressed I feel like a whore having 2 kids by different men, depressed i'll have to deal with my bf soon to be ex forever.

Just feel like a bird brained retard.

Hi Sailing Soul. Just read your post and wanted to reply. Please don't feel so bad about yourself, to think of yourself as a whore serves no good purpose, and you are probably the only person thinking that. Many parents now have children from different parents, I’m a guy and have three children, with two different women. I can tell you that many ladies I know have kids from different fathers. Society has changed as has the definition of a family. 
don’t beat yourself up, focus instead on trying to give your kids the best upbringing they can have, within the constraints there are. 
we have all made bad decisions but you cannot stop that from continuing your life path, deflected as it might feel like it is

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