louis2008 36 Posted February 2 (edited) When you are pissed off but reality is that there is nothing you can do, maybe there is something you can do but it doesn't work effectively. For example, someone intends to make you angry by saying something offensive, ironic or rude, anything, but the result is, you are pissed off. You are not able to think of anything to say to "fight back", and you can't calm down immediately. This is the situation I am almost experiencing every day. Unfortunately it often takes me a few hours or half a day before I feel well again, I have talked to my counselor who is a clinical psychologist but she wasn't able to provide me any life hack or immediate solution. She told me her experience - e.g. to talk to someone, to tell someone, which was her immediate life hack. The fact is - I do not have someone who is ready to listen to me at anytime, people are busy with their life, even my best friend who has helped me a lot he is very busy. Even though he isn't busy, I feel annoyed to explain everything to make him understand. It is a waste of energy . I don't think telling someone is a very effective way of relieving my anger. What is your life hack for calming down effectively? Edited February 2 by louis2008 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sober4life 31,985 Posted February 13 On 2/2/2021 at 10:08 AM, louis2008 said: What is your life hack for calming down effectively? Removing people from my life. I hope I never see or hear anyone again in my life. 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Depressedgurl007 913 Posted February 13 (edited) On 2/2/2021 at 11:08 PM, louis2008 said: What is your life hack for calming down effectively? I have to agree with @sober4life. That’s the most effective way i think. Block people, leave chat groups, get out of the house. I do that often then unblock people like months later cos I know I shouldn’t have block them esp family. Another way is to quickly throw insults back at them and then run away or block them so I can’t hear what they say back to me in return. I have never really found any life hacks. Took a decade and more for me to get tired of being angry. In the end, I just realise I need to spend my energy on myself. Do things for myself and to distract myself from them. Forgive them for being stupidly irritating and spouting nonsense to make me mad. It only shows they have internal issues of their own that’s why they are throwing their anger at you. They had a bad life too, can’t blame them life sucks and can’t blame myself for being angry either. Don’t take people’s words to heart. Rather than the anger, I fear more on how badly their words make me feel cos I’ll end up hating myself for words that are not true. I guess I try to Ask myself what did I do today? What did I do yesterday? Am I gonna spend another hour being angry? What’s the point? Maybe give myself a few hours to curse that idiot to hell in my head then move on. Easier said than done to control ourselves to be the better person to walk away. I hope u do find a way and not take so long to find it like me. Edited February 13 by Depressedgurl007 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Atra 6,402 Posted February 14 It could be you're asking 2 questions. What to do immediately afterwards when someone angers us. Later, what's effective in releasing stored anger. For me, they are related. My judgment about how I reacted or didn't react when angered is often what I replay in my mind afterwards. It is hard for me to let go of my anger when I ruminate. Talking with someone (friend, therapist, support group) who is able to put themselves in my shoes (empathy) helps me. So does doing physical activity to rid the stored energy. I'm also working on immediacy--how I react in the moment I'm angered. It's hard to tell if I'm angry because I'm reminded of something that happened long ago. Knowing what events in my past lead me to become so angry when someone says something has helped me to react in harmony with my values in the moment. That may mean realizing I have unfinished business in my past which is triggered by this person's words. Or, their words are offensive to my values or someone I value in which case, I should react appropriately with the emotion I'm feeling. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bulgakov 2,564 Posted February 14 On 2/2/2021 at 8:08 AM, louis2008 said: What is your life hack for calming down effectively? My only trick for this is to intercept my gut level message to my brain, before the anger can make its play reflexively. Mystic forefather and cognitive behaviorist Thomas Jefferson said it best: "When angry, count to 10 before you speak. If very angry, a hundred." Google results say this notion has been "born out by science"--but I didn't click on any of the links. It seems like common sense also. It doesn't always work, and maybe shouldn't. It's sage advice, similar to "think before you act," but sometimes you just have to derail the anger for the moment so you can think. Can't hurt to try Jefferson's idea, it's harder than it sounds. good luck, Bulgakov 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
