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celine___1

Why did he ghost me after I refused to send him a picture?

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Three days ago on social media, a boy sent me a friend request. Usually, I rarely accept strangers because I'm tired of online perverts. But this time, after checking his profile, I figured he was different and decent since he didn't seem to be a womanizer (didn't have many likes on pictures) + he had some pictures with quotes saying that ''Real love is not about money and luxurious cars but small gestures, care, and attention...'' That especially made me think he was a decent guy and not a womanizer messing up with lots of women and only caring about sex... I accepted his friend request and he immediately texted me. Our chat was normal, he even mentioned to me that he was looking for a decent woman. When I asked him what he meant, he replied that it was complicated - generally, he is looking for a real Woman. He complimented me on "looking cute" and asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said that I was single.

Everything was fine and we even laughed at some jokes until he asked me to send him a picture ''from now''. This immediately gave me an unpleasant feeling since my profile doesn't look fake, nor do I use many filters in my photos. What is more, even a few days ago I uploaded a new profile picture! This made me wonder why he needed such a picture, considering the fact that after all, he didn't request ''a naked photo'' but just a picture from now. I asked him why he wanted it, asking him if he thought that I was a fake profile - he replied, "No, but I wanna enjoy you lovingly." Respectively, I told him that I don't send photos and I'm not such a person. At first, he understood and I was relieved that he wouldn't bother me with such requests again. After, he even said that he had a challenge for me - to go out on a date where he would start a conversation with me in several different ways. I told him that this was an interesting and unusual proposal, and we can do it someday. He agreed, saying ''Yes, we will have some fun.'' I was glad that things were moving in a positive direction, but not long after, he again asked me for ''only 1 photo.'' I already started feeling uncomfortable finding an excuse to refuse his stubborn request, as if this strange idea was mine and not his ... I jokingly refused and changed the subject. Deep inside, I was afraid that after my second refusal, he would give up and stop texting me. But I have principles and class not to do such things especially with a person who has just texted me. Plus, I thought that after he said that he was looking for a real Woman, he would appreciate me, seeing that I'm not cheap and don't send my photos like that.

When he texted me again the next day, I was happy because I saw that that didn't repel him. I figured that he would finally respect my decision and stop with this photo, thanks to which we could have a more interesting conversation to get to know each other. We had a nice talk and suddenly, jokingly, he asked me for a picture AGAIN. He said that ''Every wall falls with a little perseverance.'' As a joke, I refused again. Then, we exchanged a few sentences and after that, he never texted me again ...

The result - now, I hate myself internally .. I hate that I once decided to trust and give a chance to a stranger online and he turned out to be another idiot. I figured that he was a good and decent guy when I saw the quotes about true love that he had shared, as well as the fact that not many women liked his pictures. I feel pitiful and hate myself because I allowed myself to get used to him and like him only for the 2 days we texted each other. I started worrying if I said something wrong but after rereading our chat, I found out that everything was okay. I started thinking that I must have been ugly or that he didn't like me... I even asked my friends if I looked like my photos and they all confirmed. But if it that was the case, then we he send me the request, texted me, asked me out?! Now, as absurd as it sounds, I miss him and I want him to text me again since I thought he was a good and decent guy... and that type of guys don't dump you if you refuse to fulfill their weird desire to send them a picture, right?

I'm extremely confused, even though I'm used to the BS from idiots, but this time I somehow thought it was different...I feel emptiness and I miss him because I feel like I lost something valuable, even though I realize it obviously wasn't. Please give me advice what you think about this case. In your opinion, what did he want and what were his intentions? Do you think he was really decent and good, given the quotes about the true love he shared?

 

 

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In my experience, men are taught the way to win a woman is to be persistent. To keep pushing and keep trying to try and show "genuine interest" in a woman, however we are never taught at the same time to back off when we get told no. If you told him no each time he asked and he still didn't learn to stop than he isn't at a mature enough place in his life to be respectful of what a partner would want, only his own needs. That's not to say he was malicious, just not ready. Not knowing how old you both are (although you did refer to him as a boy so I imagine on the younger side) I would be cautious of someone who opens with a quote on romance as it's more often a line than a genuine sentiment. 

You did absolutely nothing wrong. You made your thoughts and feelings clear on the matter. You communicated openly and as you said you even had a recent profile picture anyway. It's easy to make an attachment to someone new - especially someone who appears so kind in a world full of terrible, selfish people. It's okay to feel strong feelings when someone treats us nicely, but if his deciding factor to continue staying in contact with you revolved entirely around getting a picture of you than he clearly wasn't the kind of person you need in your life. I know what it's like to have that thrill of someone new who is kind and supportive and great to talk to, but if he can abandon you that easily over literally nothing, it isn't worth the energy to be hurt by it.

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Hello,

I think you made the right call and I would not worry about it. This is because this guy acted liked he was entitled to a picture of you and that is a big red flag.

When the dust settles you can see he was being very manipulative. It was not to veriify your identity as you said yourself you already had a recent profile picture.

His quote about breaking your wall fundentally shows he does not respect you. Any rules you may set are like a joke to him and this is not a worthy guy for you.

I am glad you stood by your values and did not cave.

You have to set those barriers and determine if they are respected or not. That is how you can test guys rather than some mindless cliche quote they posted on their page as they solicit every woman they meet for pictures.

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