Jump to content

Having a tough time


Recommended Posts

I'm feeling very sad and low today. I've been having recurring thoughts again about k***ing the person that abused me in childhood. I lost loved ones last year including 1 to covid... it's driving me mad. I feel like bursting. I feel very sad too... It was someone I haven't seen since it happened. It's been over 3 decades.

I was recently diagnosed with complex ptsd alongside the depression. I'm obsessed with him. I keep putting myself down constantly, and I don't know how to stop it... There's a bully in my head. I've had enough of living in my world. I have violent scenarios in my head.

On the outside I'm a nice person who goes out of her way to help others, but inside I'm harbouring insane violence. I'm having therapy at the moment. I get afraid of being abandoned by the therapist because of these awful thoughts. I know deep down none of this is the real me.

I hate being so negative, but thanks for listening

 

Edited by RoamingBee
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know how you feel.  You carry the pain of being abused as a child forever really.  It makes every single day harder.  You're angry.  You want justice of course.  What the hell kind the world do we live in if we're not even safe as children?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, sober4life said:

I know how you feel.  You carry the pain of being abused as a child forever really.  It makes every single day harder.  You're angry.  You want justice of course.  What the hell kind the world do we live in if we're not even safe as children?

Thank you so much. You understand this properly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Roaming Bee, good evening. I read your post and whilst I cannot directly relate to incidents from childhood as a trigger. I can relate to the negativity you perceive in yourself, and the anger you feel towards an individual. I suffer from major depression and PTSD due to a relationship issue, of more recent times. I didn’t see eye to eye with most of my therapists, on the relationship issue. But most of them helped me with containing my negativity towards my ex. In summary, each time I felt the urge, I trained my thoughts to be more positive, by asking is it really worth it and will I actually feel better for it, especially if I was to end up in jail, with time to reflect. When I answered my questions, with an honest answer, I decided that the only way to move forward, was to rise above the issues, and be a positive person. For each negative thought I replaced it with a positive one. 
now granted I have moments when I still go there..... but its easier to recover, with the more positive thinking. You do have to force yourself, it isn’t a switch, its a process. It wasn’t easy but it can be possible. Don’t let the offender win, rise above it. Hugs

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One trick I employ sometimes is drop my inexhaustible supply of metaphorical bold boulders on intrusive and useless memories until they no longer bother me.

I believe we are never helpless confronting depression issues.

Clever and powerful metaphors or as I like to call them: "CLEVERful MEDaphors" are my way to counteract the debilitating effects of depression.

Maybe this can help a little.

Oscar

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...