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Life is moving and i can't keep up


Cent

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I have a final due at 12:00 AM today and I'm almost entirely sure I wont do it. My mom keeps telling me "Even though you dont want to do it you still have to" but I seriously don't know how I'm going to. My mood has been so bad that I've been laying in bed all day. I'm gonna have to drop out of college next semester, im wasting money on not learning anything. I don't think my parents are gonna take that well though. I know exactly what they're gonna say, "What are you going to do instead?" and i dont know the answer. The obvious thing is to get a job but i know that will be hard. It will probably be more beneficial for me mentally and financially than school though. I just cant bring myself to do my schoolwork, my brain is like a thunderstorm and i can't make it do anything that requires discipline. I just play video games all day because it distracts my brain from the dull pain in my head. My parents have started taking my things at 9 pm because my sleep schedule was really bad but all that makes me do it lie to them about not having anythijg else in my room and sneaking youtube videos with my old phone. It just feels awful to be punished for something that feels out of my control. My therapist thought it was a good idea so maybe they're not wrong to do so but it just feels terrible. They think that doing things like that will help solve my motivation problem but it really just means that instead of waking up at 12pm and feeling like crap i wake up at 9am and feel like crap. My brain fog is just so thick that I can't operate normally. I feel awful.

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My message to myself and anyone else is that we are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.

Your metaphorical fog is not impenetrable.

Metaphors only exist when we imagine, pretend and make believe them into existence.

In nature bright sunshine burns thru fog.

Maybe you need some bright metaphorical sunlight to burn away your brain fog.

Hope this can help perhaps a little.

Oscar

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