My 1 yr old son most likely has Leukemia

[SailingSoul]

So my son is 1yrs old. He just started having health issues like a few weeks b4 he turned one. Turns out he's neutropenic. I went to a blood and cancer center for children and though his white blood cells went up to 6k from his last hospitalization which were at 0.

At first things seemed well-- the Dr said he sees signs but not enough of a red flag to collect bone marrow which scares me bc thats such a painful procedure. Painful enough to make a grown man cry and my baby may have to endure that and I'm not okay with that.

....

So i went home feeling ok then i got a call from the children's hospital and they told me his blood cells was atypical and large common in those with bone marrow issues or leukemia.

I go back friday to get clarity but im afraid.
----

Even more afraid bc im expecting again with my bf. A girl this time and im afraid her fate may be the same. I found out i was expecting on Friday the 13th and her due date April 1st ( April fools)

Just seems like my life is a joke and would be the biggest F you if i lose both kids.

My faith is way too broken to believe in healing bc i dont want try with my broken doubtful mind to attempt to believe the best and my son dies anyway. That's incredibly traumatic.

Idk. I'd appreciate advice from someone who has lost a child or parent bc i cant handle platitudes right now. I just have a hard time believing this is my life right now and even in the midst of learning abt my son's diagnoses my moms bitching at me and dad is kicking me while I'm down bringing up old shit and my aunt was being so rude saying she had gifts and ignoring the fact i got out the hospital with my son and just being rude saying i don't get them she'll send them back. 

 

This is a lot to deal with. I don't have anyone in my circle physically to help me through this--everyone just bitches or yells at me. I will have some solace if he is hospitalized. It'll just be me and him and that's it.

Idk this is a lot to deaal with. I just want to be alone

 

[cherryapplez2020]

Wow am so sorry sorry I don’t have a good thing to say 

[SailingSoul]

My mother makes it worse. I told her 3 times yesterday I was going to go Friday instead of Saturday-- Now today she pitches a fit bc she says, " Oh no you'll just have to wait!"  Your dad's back appointment is Friday and if he keeps missing it he won't be able to settle. My dad tells me well you'll just have to drive out there. In my head Im like why do you keep asking me to do things you've never taught me how to do. My own brother had to have his aunt teach him bc my sorry ass parents wouldn't so im not comfortable driving. 

Im just apalled at my mom-- more and more each day she shows how much I can't trust her. 

She never apologizes-- she just told me to make cornbread for this thanksgiving..

[Zagor]

What makes you think he is going to die? My son was diagnosed when he was 5. It is a long battle.

[SailingSoul]

On 11/26/2020 at 4:35 PM, Zagor said:

What makes you think he is going to die? My son was diagnosed when he was 5. It is a long battle.

Bc hes so young. I dont want him to ofc but he's only 1.

[Zagor]

Younger kids have a higher rate of survival leukemia. Lymphoblastic acute leukemia has even better prognosis than myelogenous. But both have high survival rates. If your child does have it, he will start his kindergarden as a healthy boy.

[SailingSoul]

On 11/28/2020 at 1:57 PM, Zagor said:

Younger kids have a higher rate of survival leukemia. Lymphoblastic acute leukemia has even better prognosis than myelogenous. But both have high survival rates. If your child does have it, he will start his kindergarden as a healthy boy.

I hope so--I just feel I ****ed him over because I am a silent carrier of Alpha Thalassemia which is a type of anemia and My grandma passed from Leukemia. The blood cancer center called twice today on a sunday-- i feel it'll be what Im afraid of. I want my son to be okay bc I can't live without him.

[SailingSoul]

Im happy to say they said he doesny have it.