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Hi everyone, 

I am in my thirties and I think only now recognising that I need help. I have had a really turbulent life but only in the recent years did things really collapse on me. I seem to have been unable to get out from underneath the weight of it all since then. I am currently on antidepressants - my fourth one, actually. The others did not really work. My doctor also prescribed me Xanax for sleeping (despite me insisting I did not really need it), which means I am now suffering from insomnia as part of my withdrawal. The world seems to be collapsing around me and I am not sure what to do next. I feel apathetic, uninspired. It takes an awful lot of energy to just get through the day. I increasingly hate myself for being so useless yet feel like I cannot do anything about it. I don't know what to do. I really don't. 

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Hi and welcom to DF.

I am sorry to hear you are going through so many issues at once. And believe me I know what self loathing feels like. You have my sympathy.

You probably realize this, but none of us on DF are trained mental health experts, so anything we write here is either what we have heard/read about or based on our respective experiences.

I am older than you but there is a whole lot I recognize in what you have told us.

 

Have you experinced insomnia before? I mean before

31 minutes ago, introvert86 said:

but only in the recent years did things really collapse on me.

I ask this because though insomnia isn't necessarily the primary cause of mental health issues it sure can make life seem a lot worse ansd make coping impossible.

Me for example, I  never slept well until I was prescripted with Mirtazipine 15 odd years ago. I have experienced insomnia since I was 11  or so and am now in my 50's.

Sometimes antidepressants mess with you brain, causing a lot of symptoms, including insomnia. Sometimes antidepressants can make you feel worse before you feel better.

As you are on antidepressants I gather you are seeing a mental health care provider? I would suggest telling them how you feel as soon as possible. Getting enough sleep is paramount as to coping with life even at the best of times.

But in any case, once you have got the depression/insomnia issues stablized(if not much better) and feel you have more energy, seeing a therapist might be a good idea. If you are seeing someone already, take all of it up with the therapist.

Take care and hopefully you will feel better soon.

 

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1 hour ago, introvert86 said:

. My doctor also prescribed me Xanax for sleeping (despite me insisting I did not really need it),

Another thing you need to take up with your doc.

I was on xanax(alprazolam) for a short period due to panic attacks and anxiety. I was told it's not meant for long term usage as it  can be addictive and the withdrawl symptoms can be uncomfortable to say the least. But the symptoms DO diminish.

 

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Welcome new member to our forum family.

We are here to listen and help as best we can.

I would just take note of the "weight" and "collapse" metaphors you invoked.

I believe we are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression and the metaphors we invoke reveal insight and solutions to our mental predicaments.

We all have heavy emotional baggage weighing us down which can be metaphorically consigned to our depression " caves".

My motto: DESPAIR not / REPAIR a lot.

Hope this can help even a little.

Oscar

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@introvert86

Welcome to DF, I hope you find you're stay here pleasant,  helpful and  you not feeling so alone anymore as well. That's very wonderful you're reaching out to get the proper help you need and as well you recognize it too. Many people I've incountered most my life don't try and reach out or want to get help. The truth is only YOU can make a first step of getting help as well wanting to get better. It is also true having tons of support and seeking professional help will also very much help you on your journey to recovery. Living the life you want a happy healthy one.

I too suffer from insomnia pretty much since I was a little girl I think and know the struggle as well how it effects you. I wish you the best for better sleep as well everything else going on with you mental health wise becomes better. You're extremely strong I think right know, even if you don't know it. At least I believe you are things may be hard and upset and downs will happen as well since well we all go through it. Try your best to stay strong and I think so far the people here will try there best to help and support you too.

You are worth it as well have worth and not useless never forget that.

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