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jeffreyd

Hurting

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Hello everyone. I am wishing you all positive and peaceful thoughts during this hard time. I am really struggling lately. I got laid off from my job last month (I am in tech), and feel completely under confident and useless. I do not like what I was doing, and do not want another job just like it. I am trying to find something similar, but I think I lack the skills for many of the positions. I feel I cannot measure up, and this search will take forever. 

My wife is working thankfully, she is a special ed teacher and goes into the classroom with a few kids that really need face-to-face time. My kids are moved out, so its me alone in the house all day. It rains and is dark here much of the day here in Seattle. 

I find myself worrying constantly about my kids, and my parents, who are in their 80's. My dad has early dementia and lives alone in Michigan. My mom just had hip replacement surgery yesterday and is recovering. 

I just cannot seem to find any joy anywhere. I try so hard to be mindful and grateful. I feel like a failure, and that I am letting people down. I feel rejected, isolated, like everyone is doing well but me. But I know thats not true. My mind just wants to be so sad. I try so hard to find enjoyment in things, and try to keep busy. Mornings are the worst, before bed I feel some relief. I just keep going, that is all I can do. But my body hurts from the worry, its exhausting. 

I know others are hurting as well. I wish you strength and peace. This is hard. I just wanted to express my feelings today. I want to believe there is a light at the end of this tunnel, its just been a long time. I hold on to hope dearly. 

Thanks for listening everyone.

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losing a job, even one you hate, is stressfull and soul crushing. but, every day, while your wife goes to work, you can set small, achievable goals for yourself: looking online for jobs, walking around the neughborhood for any help wanted ads, keeping the house in order, etc. making small goals and achieving them can help lift your mood. 

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