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This may be the wrong section - but most people visit the 'depression central' section to I thought I'd ask my question here:

I have had ongoing thoughts of suicide since I was a teenager - I am now in my 50's. I have never told anyone about these thoughts until about two years ago I opened up to my therapist and pdoc.

It seems that every time I go into my pdoc he adjusts my meds. These adjustments throws me into a tailspin until things level out - the frustration of getting past the new med side effects is something I don't relish.

My question is this: has anyone gotten permanent relief from reoccurring suicidal thoughts? or is this one symptom that I will always need to deal with? I am at my whits end / I am wondering if I need to accept this as one symptom of being messed in the head. If you have found relief, what did you do to get past this?

thank you.

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Meds never helped me get permanent relief from suicidal ideations, or depression in general. They have helped me function and focus on day-to-day things. But they never really offered permanent relief.

Remember, all the doctors and therapists say that the best treatment is a combination of meds and behavioral change. I have found this to be true in my case.

The only thing I can say (and I say this without really knowing the details of your situation), if your primary doctor has changed your meds many, many times and nothing seems to be changing, perhaps you might want to consider a different doctor. Some doctors stick to one type or sub group of medications just because they had luck with them on other patients (or it is all they know about). Finding the right meds can be quite a challenge for some people. If you otherwise like your doctor, perhaps do a bit of research on your own. Nothing is stopping you from suggesting a different med to your doctor. S/he may have a reason they didn't try it already. Or they may be open to trying it.

Either way, I think the important thing to keep in mind is what I said at first. Meds are generally not a permanent solution. At most, you should only expect them to help you focus your thoughts and function day-to-day so that you can apply new behavioral patterns to your life. It is the new behavioral patterns that will offer extended (and potentially permanent) relief from your depression.

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One trick I find helpful is to metaphorically bury unwanted thoughts with my inexhaustible supply of imaginary bold boulders.

I just keep repeating a mantra

of boulder-Boulder-BOULDER etc. until the unwanted or harmful thought goes away.

I know it sounds crazy but I just make it work.

Hope this can help if only a little.

Oscar

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I have been reading about overcoming anxiety and developing tactics needed to eliminate negative self talk. Destroying negatives is a big part in becoming a new normal

I agree with both of you that the only way things will change is if I make changes. I am currently struggling with the discipline to keep the promises I make with myself.... so I will take some baby steps today. It may not be the solution but at least it is a start.

Thank you both for your thoughts

Edited by StillStandinTall

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Hi,

I think if your struggling with discipline just lower the bar. For example when I was recovering I made really easy goals and accmplishing these goals builds confidence and then sets you up to achieve bigger goals.

The way I view is that if the goal is too difficult or the task too daunting, break it up into smaller steps

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I'd like to suggest that you aren't required to travel on the road to recovery alone. I know nothing about your personal relationships or if you have any you deeply value. My recovery from suicidal ideation wasn't the story of one man overcoming depression all on his own, I don't even know anyone like that. 

Healthy, supportive relationships that improve my mental health are with folks who work on their own mental health. I call such people a found-family, meaning not necessarily found in one's family of origin. 

 

Wishing you some peace and comfort and success in challenging everyday negative thinking. 

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