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Did he lose interest or is he depressed?


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I’ve been dating a guy for 3 months. In the beginning we would talk every day, see each other in person at least once or twice a week. Things were going great until about a month ago. He started a new job ( he hasn’t been working when I met him because of the pandemic). At first we’d still talk every day, but he would tell me that he was really tired from work. The job is really physical and hard on his body. He also has epilepsy, and one day he told me that he felt like he was going to have an episode (a seizure was coming). After this I didn’t hear from him for 4 days. When he finally answered me, he said that he had been working a lot and really tired. He also told me that he “ goes ghost” when he gets tired and stressed. He explained that he does it to his friends and others also. After that we were talking normally again for a week or so. Then he started talking to me every other day or so, and he’d tell me that he’s tired from work and he sounded kind of down when he talked. It’s been two weeks since I’ve heard from him now. I’ve sent him three messages and he doesn’t answer them, so I haven’t sent any more. I don’t want to bother him.I know he also has elderly family members that he lives with and takes care of. He’s told me before that they stress him sometimes. I don’t know for sure if he has depression, but on his social media almost all of his posts mention depression or imply struggling to find happiness or something like that. He hasn’t posted anything, but he has been on a couple of times and liked a picture or two. I don’t know if I did or said something wrong to him, or he’s not interested in me anymore, or if he’s depressed

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I would take him at his word, that he is likely tired and everything is taking a physical toll on him. He has a lot on his plate and his health to consider. That is a lot. If he is posting things about depression it wouldn’t surprise me for him to be depressed with so much circumstantial incidents in his life.

Depression is stressful, it is tiring, it is time consuming. It makes every day things incredibly difficult. So when he tells you he is tired, he is. Dealing with people, no matter how dear and close they are, still take time and energy he may not feel like he has right now.

If you are still uncertain, you could always ask him directly, but he doesn’t owe you an explanation, so don’t take it personally if you don’t get a response or THE response you were expecting. If you want to continue to support him, but also feed your own needs, then say or ask what you want or need to, and leave it open ended. So when he feels ready to communicate he can without any added stress.

Wishing you both the very best! 

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  • 5 weeks later...

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