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My life is a complete waste


samadhiSheol

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Nothing much to add really. 
 

I can’t be bothered with anything. Nothing is enjoyable. I don’t like anything. I don’t like myself, if there even is a self to like.

 I am not good at anything. I hate my job and indeed all my jobs I have ever had. I hate this world we live in. I don’t trust anyone. Most days I feel threatened, of what though I am not really sure. Perhaps I am allergic to life. 
 

What the fx the point in living?

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34 minutes ago, watalife said:

I was told that we are here to serve others. Unless your in charge with plenty of money. 😵

I don’t even know what that means. And it’s not as if I don’t do anything. In a sense I am doing just that. Thing is, everything is pointless. 

Anyhow, on who’s authority is “serving others” gospel? 
 

Yeah, the money thing. I would stop working, at least at my current job. The minute I would I had enough to go on the rest of my impotent, meaningless life. And spend it on a slow, mind numbing decline into oblivion and death.
 

The world doesn’t want to be better. The world can go and f uck itself as far as I am concerned. Please shut the door when you leave. The planet would be a better place without us. No effort on humanity’s part will ever make things better. We are incapable. All humanity does is destroy and exploit and vote for cretins like the yellow basket case who’s name rhymes with dump.
 

And believe me I am no better. In fact I hate myself even more, if that is even possible.

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I’m not sure of the point. Seems that it is mostly fruitless and pointless time filler. Humans are mostly deplorable. The few good are ineffective. I go back and forth questioning the existence of a higher being. Mostly for the fear, that if there is, they are sadistic assholes I wouldn’t want to spend eternity with. I fear what or who could await us in a potentially infinite existence. I fear an infinite existence. I’d rather be forgotten and never included in this shit history. 

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I'm thinking of becoming a new-age, self-help guru. You know, the ones who are all over the place promoting self-love and living in the moment? They apparently make loads of money.

My schtick will be self-loathing and nihilism however. These are two subjects in which I am expert. I'll become the world's leading authority on how to make your life suck thoroughly.

Edited by JD4010
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Before I used to just think I was pointless, but nowadays it's hard not to see humanity as pointless. Stuff like VHEMT make a lot of sense to me. But I'm a Catholic and I guess you can't be a Catholic and a nihilist so idk wtf I am at this point.

But if you can ignore "meaning" in life, I believe there is at least some happiness to be found. Do I think I'll find it? No. But I'm sure it exists for other people.

The US and Canada supported a military coup in Bolivia last year. This year they had another election and - despite heavy state propaganda - the people voted for the party that actually won the election last year. If the West could stop seeing itself as the pinnacle of democracy, maybe our leaders would actually bother working to get us what we want. They should be scared of their constituents, not their donors.

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I believe that when viewing the world through depression lens, it all looks hopeless same for my life. Depression lens is not entirely useless, I think it reveals things about me, about my environment that I might otherwise ignore. Just not useful for me to wear the glasses daily. 

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On 11/11/2020 at 5:17 AM, Kogent5 said:

The US and Canada supported a military coup in Bolivia last year. This year they had another election and - despite heavy state propaganda - the people voted for the party that actually won the election last year. If the West could stop seeing itself as the pinnacle of democracy, maybe our leaders would actually bother working to get us what we want. They should be scared of their constituents, not their donors.

These coups have nothing to do with "democracy," and everything to do with making sure the right people are in control of resources or whatever.

Politicians are supposed to be scared of constituents, on paper anyway. In reality, the rigged system makes sure the status quo continues. "Electoral politics" is nothing but theater.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

These coups have nothing to do with "democracy," and everything to do with making sure the right people are in control of resources or whatever.

Politicians are supposed to be scared of constituents, on paper anyway. In reality, the rigged system makes sure the status quo continues. "Electoral politics" is nothing but theater.

Yeah what government idea is better one where we know we have no say or one where we're given the illusion we have a say in things?

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18 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Yeah what government idea is better one where we know we have no say or one where we're given the illusion we have a say in things?

 

1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

These coups have nothing to do with "democracy," and everything to do with making sure the right people are in control of resources or whatever.

Politicians are supposed to be scared of constituents, on paper anyway. In reality, the rigged system makes sure the status quo continues. "Electoral politics" is nothing but theater.

You guys have answered the question thst has haunted me forever. 

What is the point in anything when it's not just me thst is fcuked up, chronically angry and hopeless? 

Oh yes. There is no point and I don't want to see any more of this sad fcuked up travesty of a world(humanity).

I see no hope anywhere for anyone. Least of all for me. I have no intention of continuing. I want to ****ing die and I want to now. 

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2 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

I see no hope anywhere for anyone. Least of all for me. I have no intention of continuing. I want to ****ing die and I want to now. 

Oh man! That wasn't my intent at all. Sorry brother, I didn't mean to send you over the cliff like that.

The way I see it, "they" give me (and anyone else who recognizes it) something to resist. Negating a negative is a kind of purpose, I guess. Being outside of the system and looking in can be painful, but it's satisfying to know that I am opposed to something that is "wrong" in so many ways.

I'm not sure any of that makes sense. 

  

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If I feel there is something bad that is against me in life I can't give up.  I can't let something like that win.  I don't have to see any hope beyond it.  I don't even have to believe things will be good ever again.  I can't give up in a situation like that.  That's how I feel.

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7 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Oh man! That wasn't my intent at all. Sorry brother, I didn't mean to send you over the cliff like that.

Nothing you said, mate. I have been over the proverbial cliff for a quite a while.

4 hours ago, sober4life said:

If I feel there is something bad that is against me in life I can't give up.  I can't let something like that win.  I don't have to see any hope beyond it.  I don't even have to believe things will be good ever again.  I can't give up in a situation like that.  That's how I feel.

I am fed up. I am tired with life. If this is as good as it gets I want no part in it. For me life is about book-keeping. My life isn't worth the effort anymore. Resistence is futile. The state of the world isn't helping either, but really it's about me hating myself and not seeing any reason to go on.

Some people are just not meant to live. They are the ones who end therir lives. The sooner I am gone the better.

Edited by samadhiSheol
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13 hours ago, samadhiSheol said:

Some people are just not meant to live. They are the ones who end therir lives. The sooner I am gone the better.

Just a few hours ago I heard that someone I know just found out she has cancer. Suddenly my words sound and feel hollow and meaningless. She definitely deserves and wants to live. I am crushed by the sheer injustice and irony of the universe. That is if there is anything of the sort in the universe.

Oh well..

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10 minutes ago, samadhiSheol said:

Just a few hours ago I heard that someone I know just found out she has cancer. Suddenly my words sound and feel hollow and meaningless. She definitely deserves and wants to live. I am crushed by the sheer injustice and irony of the universe. That is if there is anything of the sort in the universe.

Oh well..

Damn. That sucks. I believe the universe operates on the TANJ Principle: There Ain't No Justice.

So many people deserve life and here it is being wasted on me.

On edit: Both Di ck Cheney and Henry Kissinger are still alive, so yeah...

Edited by JD4010
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17 hours ago, sober4life said:

If I feel there is something bad that is against me in life I can't give up.  I can't let something like that win.  I don't have to see any hope beyond it.  I don't even have to believe things will be good ever again.  I can't give up in a situation like that.  That's how I feel.

I am glad you are bad ass. I am glad you won’t budge. Good for you sober. 

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9 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Damn. That sucks. I believe the universe operates on the TANJ Principle: There Ain't No Justice.

So many people deserve life and here it is being wasted on me.

On edit: Both d**k Cheney and Henry Kissinger are still alive, so yeah...

We should be allowed to use two smilies cos your On edit made me laugh!

 

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