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Done bad things, now labeled as a pervert


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I guess the reason I'm doing this is to see what comes of it, I've been seeing therapist for years now (2 different ones).  I'm stuck in a point of my life where my past haunts me every time I'm in public I'm 33 years old and have lived this way for more than 13 years I would it at least got really bad 12 or 13 years ago.  Like the title said I've done bad things that are of the sexual variety now I'm labeled in the area that I live as some kind of filthy pervert, even my own relatives treat me as if all this is to me is being some pervert.  People don't seem to care how it effects me being out in public and have to stand to be called sex offender or pervert even though I'm not doing anything "pervy" what ever slightly abnormal sexual desire I may have is under more control than what people even care to realize.  Since abnormal sexual desires start somewhere and can evolve into exposing one's self or completely forcing someone into sex people knowing of what I've done in the past feels like it's stopped the evolution for me because I walk down the street minding my own business only paying attention and acknowledging that they are there only to know to step to one side of the sidewalk if I have to. I went to the place I go to talk to a therapist and a little boy who probably can't comprehend what a pervert is says to his mom "it's the pervy guy" as you can guess it's a place that sees people with all sorts of mental illnesses and problems go to get help and I have to stand to be treated like shit in a place like that? As I type this I should be at work but had to leave early which luckily I work at a place where that won't be too big of an issue, a guy thinking that I have music blasting into my ears because I had headphones in which my music was paused at the moment he says "lousy good for nothing pervert" I'm at work minding my business and doing my work, I got so angry and into a complete mental shutdown that I had to leave.

If your reading this part that's all I've got, guess I can thank you for reading my story.  I'm open to making a friend to help me see that I can have a light in this dark void I live in.

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Hi and welcome to the forums. We don't judge or ridicule anyone. We all have our own story. I'm glad you chose to share yours. I'm sorry that people have labeled you. Its fear that makes others  judge and call us names. 

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There was a guy on YT who said that he is a pedophile but he would never act on it. Another guy, to become "cool" made a video and said that guy should **** himself immediately. Well, most people are ignorant. I won't go into what have you done but everyone has done something in their lives that they aren't proud of, more or less. Especially if mental illness was in play (and young age as seems to be in your case). I am always on the victims side but if the accused/guilty person has regretted it, wouldn't repeat it and is seeking treatment then I would treat that person just like anyone else.

However, I notice you complain about being mistreated which is totally wrong but I haven't noticed that you said that you also feel bad about (if there is any) the victims. Maybe that's something you only share with your therapist but whatever the case is, based on your post, get more help. Get all the help you can. Living in a "hide" not only worsens your obvious agoraphobia-like situation but can lead to severe depression and anxiety where your current problem would be nothing to compare with it.


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