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Denial


Cent

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This is kind of a continuation of my last post. My mom basically told me that she didn't want me to continue living here when they move. That means that when it happens I'll be leaving my friends, my support system. I'll also be leaving a great opportunity to work as an alumni with my high school on their theatre productions. I really don't know what I'll do if that comes to happen. My parents can't stop me from staying if I get a steady job and my license by the time they leave but I do need their support. My mom said that they don't have any actual plans yet for when they're moving so I'm assuming it won't be 9 months, I'll probably have some more time so that's good. I hope that by then I can get my license and a steady job so i can prove to them that I can handle it. The uncertainty is eating me up inside and there's not much I can really do about it. I talked to my therapist and she said that I should put more emphasis on getting my license over working because that's more of a long term goal and I agree, it's just that my parents are hyper focused on me getting a job. I've been isolating myself so much because I hate having that conversation with them. I can deal with my mom because she's more lenient but my stepdad is so adamant that getting a job is the most important priority in my life right now. I think he's frustrated about how quiet i am around him, it's just that i can't bear talking to him because of the possibility that the conversation may lead there. I also haven't been very open to my mom because i already know exactly what her answer will be if i try to express my feelings to her. She just tells me not to worry so much and to go with the flow. She has depression as well so I'd hope that she knows that's not really how it works. There's just so much tension. Not to mention that they always badger me about my college work because of my bad grades in high school, even though I've been doing fine in college and taking positive steps toward organization. I know that they think they're helping me but no matter how many times i tell them that they're not they don't seem to care. They just have no faith in me to not be a NEET, it's so discouraging.

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