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Its 3 AM and things are changing


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I havent been posting on here lately because I've managed to get a good support system to replace the one i lost. I guess thats a good thing. Its 3am but im too depressed to sleep, im posting here because everyone i know is sleeping. I just got rejected by another company and it ruined my day. My parents recently told me that they're moving in 9 months, so basically if i want to stay where i am with all my friends i need to get my license and a steady job. Im under so much pressure because both of these things are hindered by my mental illness. I got a job at subway and it made me want to give up because of how awful the work was and overworked i was by my managers. It scares me to think that i might have another experience like that, my parents want me to just apply to as many places as possible but the idea sounds terrible to me because i dont want to have a repeat experience. My mental health hasnt been this bad in a while. Since school ended basically. I knew that graduating would be hard, i basically have to balance college work and depression and it makes me want to cry. I wish i didnt have to be an adult, i wish the world would leave me alone. I know its impossible i just wish things didnt have to be this way. My parents are lenient luckily so they wont force me to work somewhere i didnt want to (they couldnt if they tried) but im very selfish about my mental illness because maintaining my mental health is my #1 priority in life. My parents dont really care how i feel when it comes to getting a job which sucks but at least they wont force me. Moving down with them would just be awful i dont even want to imagine. Away from my friends, surrounded by my stepdad's obnoxious family... it just sucks SO MUCH that i need to grow up this suddenly. Luckily my college work is mostly easy so far because its online but im anxious that online study wont teach me as well as in person, it kind of just feels like homework for every assignment because i only have one class that has meetings. Theres just so much to worry about right now including the possible separation of me from my support system it just makes me want to throw up emotionally. Im unfortunately slipping into my old thought habits but i try really hard to maintain my progress but after getting rejected again today it was so hard to do my homework. Idk thanks for reading if you did but this just sucks and im not happy with it.

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I think I'm in a simlar boat but my circumstances are different.  I'm 52, divorced, 4 kids, disabled and trying desperately to find a work from home job after losing child support which we have been existing off of.  I've been a stay at home mom for the past 28 years!  I understand what you mean about getting a job and your parents.  Mine still treat me like a kid.  They are on me all the time about a job.  Unfortunately I am having to rely on them for money just to survive.  The pressure to get a job is unreal.  Things are so different these days getting a job than when I last worked outside the home.  I, too, feel utterly alone in all this.  And having mental illness just compounds everything.  I just wanted you to know there was someone else out here who understands.    

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