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nojoy

Don't tell anyone but...

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I'm tired of hearing these words. Family members are the worst.  I have tried to avoid being dragged into the family's various dramas. I still am dealing with the younger daughter of mine  and the situation with her.  And this weekend my niece dumped her drama on me and the situation with her may turn out to be harmful for her. 

Every member of my family has some type of mental health issue and I'm thinking that I am the only sane one in this family. And to keep my 'sanity', I am going to keep all of them at a distance and limit the time I have to be with them. 

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I've had family and other people that loved me that I loved in my life.  That's over forever.  Nobody else will ever care about me like they did or at all really.  If I had any sense I would be gone too.

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6 hours ago, nojoy said:

I'm tired of hearing these words. Family members are the worst.  I have tried to avoid being dragged into the family's various dramas. I still am dealing with the younger daughter of mine  and the situation with her.  And this weekend my niece dumped her drama on me and the situation with her may turn out to be harmful for her. 

Every member of my family has some type of mental health issue and I'm thinking that I am the only sane one in this family. And to keep my 'sanity', I am going to keep all of them at a distance and limit the time I have to be with them. 

I could have written this.

Every interaction with a family member consists of them unloading drama onto me and it feels harmful to my wellbeing. 

It's not like I spend a lot of time with the ones I still see but just seeing one of them once a week can be enough to put me into a depression for a couple of days. 

So, I hear you. I'm going to try to not add to the drama when they unload and to resist sharing my own horror stories to empathise with them. I just don't want to do it anymore. 

Just give me some laid back dudes for some chilled out company 🙏 I don't want to talk about anything more serious than what's for dinner! 

Hugs :hugs:

 

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I agree and sympathize with this topic and the responses.  

One comment from a different 'angle'.  Long ago, I realized that (for me) "relatives" and "family" have two very different meanings.  'Relatives' are the people with whom I share a common ancestor -- and that is all.  On the other hand, 'family' is someone I may (or may not) share an ancestor with and that person treats our relationship with respect.  [In other words, acts like a decent human being instead of a turd with feet.]

If someone meets the 'family' category, I will do everything I can to maintain a positive, successful relationship with them.  But, if a person falls into the 'relatives' category, to heck with them -- they can fall off the planet for all I care.

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On 9/15/2020 at 8:51 AM, Nightjar said:

I'm going to try to not add to the drama when they unload and to resist sharing my own horror stories to empathise with them. I just don't want to do it anymore. 

A quick update on this. I managed to do this yesterday. I think probably for the first time. 

Family member: "I hated when she did blah, blah, blah."

Nightjar "mmm hmm. Yes, that wasn't good."

Family member: "OMG, yeah, it was awful. So bad. She did this, this and this."

Nightjar: "mmm hmm"

Family member: ".........." 

Nightjar: "Oh look at that beautiful birdy." 😉

Family member: "Ah, he's lovely." 

Nightjar: 😁

 

 

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On 9/14/2020 at 6:28 PM, nojoy said:

Don't tell anyone but...

Atra: Forgive my interruption. I'd rather you didn't tell me. 

Friend: Oh. Well I'm sorry, I thought I could speak my mind with you...

Atra: You're right that you can, just not with conditions attached such as "dont tell anyone".

Friend: You're saying you can't keep your mouth shut about something I'd like to keep confidential?

Atra: I'm saying that I'm not volunteering to be a depository box for your secrets. You hired a person for that, it's your therapist. 

Friend: Tcha! You don’t even know what I was going to say!

Atra: That's correct--well done you! Oh look, a pretty bird!

Friend: Since when do you like birds?

Atra: My friend @Nightjar likes birds.

Friend: You have a friend named "night-jar"???

😁

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