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Why can't I be thankful ?


Norb

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Just found this forum so figured I would jump right in....I am in my late 40's, have a pretty, loving wife and 2 teenage sons.   Nice house in a small town.  No noticeable problems.  But I am miserable, and always feel so alone.    Tried meds but quit because it didnt help at all.   Inside I am a complete mess, no desire to keep going but I won't **** myself because I don't want my kids to be without a father.    We have acquaintances but no real close friends and I always jealous when I see groups of friends having fun.      We have (or used to) have parties on occasion but usually it is just the 4 of us doing whatever we do.   

I just don't understand how I am not happy, actually I breakdown almost daily with profound sadness.    Reading through all your stories and situations, why must we all live with such terrible pain ?  I want to be able to enjoy life, not just try to get by.

 

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Welcome new friend to our forum family.

There is no need for anyone to be lost and trapped within oneself.

Our goal here is to not leave anyone behind in their deep, dark, dangerous depression cave.

Hope you will find a supportive and helpful home with us.

Oscar

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Wow THIS. 

I'm there with ya man. Almost identical situation, where lack of thankfulness has kept me from counting my proverbial blessings and a tendency to look at what is missing (trust me, I'd conjure something up if nothing were!). Led me to what seemed like major anhedonia and then full-blown alcoholism. I've been sober for three years now, but let me say that the propensity to dwell on where I'm coming up short and the negative still persists. It's a daily battle. I'm still at my age and place in life contending with comparison of myself with others and where I've come up short. Good folks here though--glad you joined us!

 

T.

Edited by TheToddman
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I think you are needing friends ? Thats the thing ? Do some hangs every now and then, with people you care, have a nice time. 

Relationship with your wife is ok ? Or you dont talk real with her ? 

Anyway, live with sad is terrible. And this kind of things are so hard, because you cant go and buy them.

Hope you be ok this days.

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I know it feels hard but you have two kids and a loving wife.

How is your relationship with your wife? Do you get along and have a good connection?

I notice you have said you have no real close friends. In Johann Hari's book on depression called 'lost connections' he has a paragraph on loneliness.

One thing that he says he can help build connections with people and make friends is to have a passion in common. Do you have any hobbies? If so you can try joining a book club, a chess club, tennis club etc. You might be able to meet people and then socialise with people outside your family if that's what you want.

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My relationship with my wife is ok.  Not great, not horrible.  I think the poor relationship problems are more of a result of my depression.   I always need to stay busy so I don't fall in the mental hole and she is fine just relaxing so there is some tension and friction..   But I think my problems are much deeper than the marriage, I realize now that I had similar feelings long ago even though I didn't think my thoughts\issues/depression was not "normal" .

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On 8/17/2020 at 9:09 PM, Norb said:

My relationship with my wife is ok.  Not great, not horrible.  I think the poor relationship problems are more of a result of my depression.   I always need to stay busy so I don't fall in the mental hole and she is fine just relaxing so there is some tension and friction..   But I think my problems are much deeper than the marriage, I realize now that I had similar feelings long ago even though I didn't think my thoughts\issues/depression was not "normal" .

I think you should put clear what its bugging you (not for us reading you, for you), at I least I couldnt see whats the solid reason of whats giving you a hard time, maybe you know it and dont feel comfortable sharing it hear.

Maybe you need some time for yourself ? Away from family. If is this maybe you can find some activity/hobby, only for an excuse to be out from the house.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wish I had the answer. You're lucky, it could be worse. I don't know if people think they're being helpful when the say stuff like that, I don't know if people think it's something we've never realised ourselves, but it feels like a kick in the teeth every time. 

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