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Should I say something more to my depressed sister?

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I thought I’d get some opinions from others on here that might be familiar with clinical depression...

 

The other day when I was texting with my sister she seemed to be in a very depressed state. She was saying how she hates all people and does not have an interest in doing anything. I did not get a good feeling at all about her mental condition. She is on anti depression meds again after being off of them for several months but she indicated that they were not helping. I suggested that she might need an increase in meds or perhaps different meds altogether. She told me that she just learns to deal with the depression and it just “ is what it is”. 
 

I believe that there are some definite situations in her life that is adding to her depression ...such as an unhappy marriage and both of us being raised by a narcissistic mom. ..but other than that she has been so blessed with beautiful looks and she is naturally a genius...so I really believe that her depression is mainly clinical. She lives about 4 hours from me so it’s not really possible to just pop over and visit her but I have repeatedly invited her to stay with me as a vacation but she always says she will but never actually does.

Anyway, I don’t believe she would ever attempt suicide since she has 2 young kids that she adores and inspite of it all I think she is a good mom. The kids seem well adjusted and happy so I’m taking that as a good sign that she is doing a good job as a mom...so I don’t think she’d end her life because she would not want to devastate her kids like that but I was very disturbed by the conversation with her. I kind of believe her kids are the only thing keeping her around as sad as it is to say.

After advising that she look into increasing her meds or changing them I just told her to let me know if there is anything I can do to help. She seemed to appreciate it but I have been unsure if I should be saying or doing more?  So with all that said, should I be doing or saying something else to my depressed sister? I’m thinking of messaging her within the next few days to see how she is and to offer her to come for a visit again or maybe suggesting that I will visit her within the next few months but is there anything else I can or should do other than that?

 Thanks in advance 😊👍.

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Tell to her how much you concern about her is a good thing  also tell her that you dont understand much what she is going through, but anyway you want to stay there for her.

I mean, express all your care for her in words, so she really gets how much you care for her.

And then, talk, ask to her what is really happening, so she can open up with you.

Lot of talk, and lot of listen from your part. 

Advice: try to dont say things like "i dont understand why you so bad, looks like you have a good life" , that can upset some people.

Good luck.

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If you were down, what would you want someone to say to you?  Or, are actions more important than words?

Letting someone know that you care is important.  But balance that with the implication/judgement of "you're not well".

Make offers to help, but in constructive ways, not condescendingly. 

Personally, I'd rather have someone invite/drag me along to something I used to think was fun.  Talk is talk and just things to bounce around in my head more.  But getting out of the daily routine and doing something active (that gets me focused on something outside of my head) is important.  If someone who knows me were to invite (or drag) me along while WE did something, that can be a great help.

I won't get into the  "don't tell me to get over it" and all that...I think that has been well covered many times around here.

Four hours away.  She has young kids.  That will add challenge to this.  What's two hours away and in between?  Look at a map and figure out an activity "meet half way", eat lunch, canoe down a river, spend time with her kids, etc.  Saturday, drive 2 hours, meet, eat, enjoy, talk.  Then 2 hours back Sat night.  That is not too much driving for either party in the same day.  If this works out, maybe a hotel room for more time together.

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On 8/14/2020 at 2:54 AM, mmd said:

Tell to her how much you concern about her is a good thing  also tell her that you dont understand much what she is going through, but anyway you want to stay there for her.

I mean, express all your care for her in words, so she really gets how much you care for her.

And then, talk, ask to her what is really happening, so she can open up with you.

Lot of talk, and lot of listen from your part. 

Advice: try to dont say things like "i dont understand why you so bad, looks like you have a good life" , that can upset some people.

Good luck.

Thanks so much! I really appreciate this helpful advice 👍😊!

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On 8/14/2020 at 11:06 AM, mmoose said:

If you were down, what would you want someone to say to you?  Or, are actions more important than words?

Letting someone know that you care is important.  But balance that with the implication/judgement of "you're not well".

Make offers to help, but in constructive ways, not condescendingly. 

Personally, I'd rather have someone invite/drag me along to something I used to think was fun.  Talk is talk and just things to bounce around in my head more.  But getting out of the daily routine and doing something active (that gets me focused on something outside of my head) is important.  If someone who knows me were to invite (or drag) me along while WE did something, that can be a great help.

I won't get into the  "don't tell me to get over it" and all that...I think that has been well covered many times around here.

Four hours away.  She has young kids.  That will add challenge to this.  What's two hours away and in between?  Look at a map and figure out an activity "meet half way", eat lunch, canoe down a river, spend time with her kids, etc.  Saturday, drive 2 hours, meet, eat, enjoy, talk.  Then 2 hours back Sat night.  That is not too much driving for either party in the same day.  If this works out, maybe a hotel room for more time together.

Thanks so much😊👍! This is also great advice! You are right to make me think what I would want someone to say or do for me. I will give that lots of thought 😊👍.
 

Yes, I suppose that does make sense. Perhaps I can suggest meeting halfway, as you said. It certainly could not hurt to try your approach at least and it might even turn into a whole new activity we can all do together, as you said.😊👍

 

Anyway, thanks again for the terrific advice!! I really appreciate it.👍😊

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