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Maxx55

Difficulties Meeting Women

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Hello all, it's been a while since I came here and I wanted to get some things off my chest. 

 

1st - I have always been shy, especially around women. Girls in middle school and high school found me awkward, and as much as I would love to ask them out, I never worked up the courage to do so. I even missed out on my own prom because I couldn't work up the courage to ask anyone. As I have gotten older, I have been a little more outgoing and I have asked a couple of ladies out on a date, but I felt so weird that I had no clue what I was doing and to be honest, I think I made a fool of myself. That changed when I began working at a hospital.

 

When I was working at the hospital, I met a young lady whom I will call Teri. Teri and I couldn't have been more different, she is African American (although she would say black since she said she has never been to Africa and has no desire to go), has children, and lived in the inner-city at that time. Me, white, lived in the suburbs, no kids, and was about 8 years younger than she was. Still we had a great time together. She was a very kind lady, but we broke up after my mother forbade me from seeing her with some racial undertones (which took me by surprise since she didn't utter any racial names or hinted towards that attitude), so we broke up and Teri transferred to a different hospital that was closer to her home and also included a pay increase. I haven't seen her since. 

 

the next lady I met was a gal I will call Tatiana. Tatiana and I worked in the same department. she was two years younger than me, no kids, white, and had a great figure. We seem to hit it off, but she thought that working in a hospital was dangerous, so she switched jobs working for an insurance company as an executive assistant or something like that. Weird thing was is started calling me at the hospital when I was there and we would talk for 30-60 minutes or more. Finally I worked up the courage to ask her out on a date and she accepted.....we went out and had a good time and we ended up dating and finally I proposed to her, which she accepted. We moved in to an apartment together and then about two months later, we broke up. I moved out, took my belongings. I was so sad......about 8 months later, I was in a very, very, very dark place and contemplated taking my own life. Since I am typing this, you know that didn't happen. 

 

About a year later, I went and posted a dating ad online and finally met and started conversing with a very nice lady, whom I will call Amanda who had recently moved out and was in the process of getting a divorce from her husband. To make a long story short, we were engaged and then married for almost 3 years. We drifted apart and divorced....that was 13 years ago. 

 

Two years ago I had a rather scary situation and there was possible that I had cancer. I went through tests, a colonoscopy, and various scans. Fortunately everything turned out fine, but what I learned was that time is extremely precious and when you are presented the opportunity to express your feelings to someone you care about, do it. Don't hold it back. Tonight, I did that. I gave a very lovely lady a poem that I put in decorative card. She read it, partially, and seemed to be genuinely touched that I did that and she said that she isn't used to receiving cards with poems. I have only done this twice before, given a poem to a lady I care about. To my ex-wife (Amanda) and my ex-fiance (Tatiana)...... I can only say I have 50%/50% chance with her saying yes, but if I didn't give her the card and poem, then it would have been a 100% no.  Even if she says no, at least I took the chance and then I would at least ask her to be friends.

 

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Hello everyone - I thought I would follow up with my previous post. I saw there were over 50 views, but no comments and when I wrote it, I was very tired....I guess that is a lesson....don't make posts when you are suffering from a lack of sleep. 

 

I guess with my previous post, I was trying to convey how terrified I am at the prospect of being alone. I've spent most of my time alone....no brothers or sisters....only a few pets. No girlfriend in Jr. High School, High School, or college....well I had female friends, but nothing romantic. You know, when I went to school dances, I was always the kid who ended up sitting in the dark corner of the gymnasium where the dance was being held, pretending to look interested in the lines painted on the gym floor....every now and then I would have the nerve to ask a girl for a slow dance. 

 

It's just my dad and I now. My mom passed away and so I have been looking for someone to spend my life with. Someone recently what I wanted from life.....I said "to be normal". They asked "what is normal to you??" I said "a nice house, a beautiful wife, two children - son and daughter, maybe a side by side UTV, and not the constant worry that I am a complete and utter failure". 

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Your last post is pretty much me.  No matter what I do in life I feel like a monster because well that's how people in real life make me feel.  I would love to have a normal life but I just sit here and watch my life go by for the most part.  I'm honestly sick of trying to figure out why people don't like me at this point.

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14 hours ago, sober4life said:

Your last post is pretty much me.  No matter what I do in life I feel like a monster because well that's how people in real life make me feel.  I would love to have a normal life but I just sit here and watch my life go by for the most part.  I'm honestly sick of trying to figure out why people don't like me at this point.

I was just thinking this earlier that I am in fact a horrible person and that's why no one likes me. But it's because of the mean people that I have turned this way. I used to cry about it a lot but now I don't give a dam. 

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9 hours ago, watalife said:

I was just thinking this earlier that I am in fact a horrible person and that's why no one likes me. But it's because of the mean people that I have turned this way. I used to cry about it a lot but now I don't give a dam. 

I've been treated this way my whole life from day one.  I realize that there is nothing I can do.  The world has always hated me so I hate me too!

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No one is horrible. Usually it is issues the other person has or the failed system we live in. Perhaps communication issues shame guilt. All can be worked through with the right person. 

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I know how you feel my friend. Being single often causes me anxiety and depression. I've shown interest in two girls I like and they both ignored me, pretty bad feeling.

I see where you coming from but its probably easier sad then done but I guess something that may help is to be grateful for the relationships you had in the past. Some people have it really bad and never get into a physical relationship and never have intercourse or an emotional connection.

Sounds like your not that bad with women as you've previously been engaged etc. 

Hope you feel better. I guess you can try dating mobile apps or dating websites but i guess you didnt come for dating advice but the feeling of loneliness that i often get too...

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On 8/9/2020 at 1:54 AM, Maxx55 said:

"what I learned was that time is extremely precious and when you are presented the opportunity to express your feelings to someone you care about, do it. Don't hold it back. Tonight, I did that. I gave a very lovely lady a poem that I put in decorative card. She read it, partially, and seemed to be genuinely touched that I did that and she said that she isn't used to receiving cards with poems." "I can only say I have 50%/50% chance with her saying yes, but if I didn't give her the card and poem, then it would have been a 100% no.  Even if she says no, at least I took the chance and then I would at least ask her to be friends."

 

So I wanted to follow up - the lady whom I will call Holly - finally read my whole poem. Why do I know that? Well, she called me and we talked on the phone. She expressed her appreciation and the thoughts I put to paper, and she was honest enough with me to say that she wished I had asked sooner as she would have said yes. Unfortunately it was very, very bad timing on my part because she had already decided not to renew her lease at her apartment and was heading back home (which is states away) to spend time with her parents. It's my understanding that her father is in poor health. She was concerned that I wouldn't understand, but I told her I did.

 

The last night I saw her, I brought her a small present. It was necklace with a heart pendant. This pendant had some diamonds in there, but it didn't cost me a fortune and it was very pretty. When I gave it to her, she was shocked and was completely in awe. She was so very appreciative and gave me a very big hug and a kiss on the cheek. She thought it was so beautiful and she started to tear up. 

 

She called me a few days later and told me that she was home with her parents and she even introduced me to them through Facetime as a "dear friend". A while later she said that she wasn't sure if she would come back, but she now knows that someone is here and cares for her....so her return is almost certain....more of "when" not "if". 

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