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tiredoflife1

A cry for help

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This is my cry for help, because honestly I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drifting away because the rope I was using to hold me broke. My hands shake and I can't ever be still anymore. My brain is turned off and I can't think or comprehend anything anymore. I get yelled at for the stupidest things, even when its not my fault and I don't eve know hwats wrong. The things that used to bring me joy don't anymore. Im going on almost 40 hours since I've eaten anything. I don't play the drums, I don't talk to my friends and I hate being outside of my room. Im too broken for somebody to love me, but not broken enough to **** myself. I ignore the people that try to help and im so angry. I feel like im going to lose my self harm sober streak, which it has been about 4 months. Everyone looks at me and asks what's wrong but I just say nothing, because I don't know. Its like a switch turned on in my brain and said "depression." I CANT DO IT. BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW. I LOST THE ONE PERSON WHO MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME, AND ON TOP OF THAT IVE HAD TO DEAL WITH MY SEXUALITY. ITS HARD. PEOPLE SAY THEY UNDERSTAND AND THEY DONT. I don't know what to do. thanks for listening to this message, ill make sure to send another with an invite to my funeral. 

"**** feelings, that shit ruined my life."

Mack

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Mack, please do seek professional help if you can.

We are here to help but we aren't professionals.

The "broken rope" you mentioned is of course metaphorical.

My advice for what it's worth is to metaphorically anchor yourself out side of your depression cave with a new heavy duty unbreakable rope or chain or bungee cord or whatever metaphor works for you.

Just try to remember that we are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.

I hope this helps even a little.

Oscar

 

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