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SailingSoul

I feel good things only happen to me when they can be taken away just as fast.

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Like my baby for example, I have hpv( the aggressive cancer causing strands) 

 

Though he's a blessing I feel I won't see him grow up.( I went for a biopsy to get it staged and the incompetent workers at the hospital said the tissue they took didn't make it to be tested. So they used my results from a YEAR ago and went with that though they have no clue what stage I'm at now. I feel that part is so incredibly negligent. They want to try and biopsy again in 6 months-- I could have cancer by then ( I decided to go elsewhere) 

 

Then I met a lovely guy. He's sweet and kind, buys me lunch, loves my baby and accepts him. I've been looking for a guy like this since HS.. Now that I have hpv.. He won't love me anymore. I saw his reaction to covid and how it spreads and what not. 

 

 

I feel I only get to have a long life if I'm miserable every second of every hour of the day ...but if by some chance I get a sliver of happiness...theres always a catch or it won't. last.

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14 hours ago, SailingSoul said:

 

I feel I only get to have a long life if I'm miserable every second of every hour of the day ...but if by some chance I get a sliver of happiness...theres always a catch or it won't. last.

Unfortunately I know this feeling. It's like we don't deserve it, or we're being put through some life sentence for something in a previous life that we don't even remember doing. They're waves that pound us back down every time we get a foothold. I'm sorry.

 

However, I wouldn't give up. Be open and upfront about it with him. If it does happen to be real, love will look past those health concerns. It will be bigger than that. Plus, HPV doesn't carry the same kind of fear as COVID, does it? Are you sure he wouldn't rally for you? (If not, and he really can't accept the whole deal, then it's not real love and it wouldn't satisfy you anyway. It shouldn't. You deserve good things.)

 

I loved my wife and her child despite her medical contagions and the child's special needs, and being expressive about the difficulties and challenges is what got us through and made us grateful to have found each other. It was really incredibly special and awesome while it lasted, and even though the ending was painful, I don't for a minute regret the beginning. ❤️

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I always read your posts and always feel you deserve so much more than you've been given. You've mentioned before your concerns about your boyfriend, so it's not like he doesn't come with his own baggage. And accepting a child that's not yours is a big thing, for some even bigger than knowing you have hpv. Almost half of sexually active people get HPV in their life, it doesn't have the same stigma as other STDs. It's important to tell him so you guys can take proper precautions for his health as well. I hope you guys can carve out a better life.

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10 hours ago, Kogent5 said:

I always read your posts and always feel you deserve so much more than you've been given. You've mentioned before your concerns about your boyfriend, so it's not like he doesn't come with his own baggage. And accepting a child that's not yours is a big thing, for some even bigger than knowing you have hpv. Almost half of sexually active people get HPV in their life, it doesn't have the same stigma as other STDs. It's important to tell him so you guys can take proper precautions for his health as well. I hope you guys can carve out a better life.

He has his own baggage but it's nothing compared to mine. But he loves my baby and he loves me...he tells me he loves me for me and loves me more than I know. 

I just feel my hpv ( not as innocuous as pll think. I have cancer causing strands) will be a make or break thing.  

 

I love him so much I just don't want to lose him.

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1 hour ago, SailingSoul said:

He has his own baggage but it's nothing compared to mine. But he loves my baby and he loves me...he tells me he loves me for me and loves me more than I know. 

I just feel my hpv ( not as innocuous as pll think. I have cancer causing strands) will be a make or break thing.  

 

I love him so much I just don't want to lose him.

Sorry if I came across as dismissive, I didn't mean it that way. Why do you think it's a make-or-break thing? Do you think he will be angry or scared?

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Kogent5 said:

Sorry if I came across as dismissive, I didn't mean it that way. Why do you think it's a make-or-break thing? Do you think he will be angry or scared?

I wouldn't imagine anyone wanting an std and yeah I think he'd be angry or scared-- maybe both.

Edited by SailingSoul

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9 hours ago, SailingSoul said:

I wouldn't imagine anyone wanting an std and yeah I think he'd be angry or scared-- maybe both.

That's true. He would probably be scared for you more than himself. With hpv, guys can get the vaccine and use protection too. That's an adjustment, not a dealbreaker. I had a coworker a long time ago who was upset with this girl he was seeing not because she had an std (he was actually okay with that), but because she told him after they had unprotected sex.

Right now you are dreading something that might not even happen, and I know that is a horrible feeling. It's better to find out from the person themselves, even if it hurts. At least you will know for real.

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