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bos_arg_20

Obsessed with a celebrity

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Hello! I'm new here, but I'd like to introduce myself by talking about a personal obsession that has been driving me crazy for some time.
Firstly, I'm 23 years old, but I've been obsessed with celebrities since I was 11. That's not good!
The reason behind my obsession for this specific celebrity began on 11 November last year, after watching an Argentine flick on TV where a naïve 19 year-old boy gets the lesson of his life: a gorgeous, seductive woman (a bit older than him) teaches him how to have tantric sex. They spent 60% of the movie naked and making love in different positions. Her voice sounded smooth and sexy while she was training that boy how to please her respectfully. I ended up quite sad, and aroused. Since then, I couldn't stop thinking about this leading lady. I started looking at her social media accounts every day (countless times a day), paying attention to her beauty but also to her daily activities. She's 40 years old, single (with a teenage son) and loves posting sultry pictures of herself in a partly egotistical way, discussing her own life or her cat's. She starred in 30 movies and in most of them, played attractive, free-spirited women who had no problem on appearing **** in front of the camera.
Earlier this year, I learned she was hired at my university to teach drama and that wasn't a mere rumor: it was the truth! Thankfully, she teaches at a different career than mine, but she's friends with some of my teachers. I study Multimedia Design at a public university in Buenos Aires, my hometown.
I love her and at the same time, I hate her. I don't need her in my life, but I'm filling my personal and moral voids with her pictures and movies in a way that's disgusting and offensive. I can't stop having sexual fantasies about her, imagining that she invites me to her home and takes my virginity! I've never had a girlfriend, I've never kissed a girl or went out on a date. I'm extremely shy and I get nervous easily. I'm a sexually repressed person: I can't admit publicly that I'm attracted to both girls and guys, and sometimes I enjoy more seeing two guys together in bed than a guy and a girl. In the past, I was obsessed with an older cousin for 2 years (she's 44 now) and it was difficult for me to get her out of my mind (she lived next door and I saw her every day). She's no longer close to me and my family because she moved to Andorra with her husband and kids. Thankfully, she didn't know I was attracted to her.
NOTE: I also engage in other kind of compulsory behavior, such as washing my hands many times a day (sometimes bruising them slightly) or try to avoid touching things for being afraid of catching COVID-19.

Can you give me any advice?

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Posted (edited)

Hello, Bos --

Have you ever been medicated for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?  If you have access to mental health services, you might look into it.  Of course, they won't just give you pills (hopefully), but spend some time with you, familiarizing themselves with you and your physical/emotional/mental history. 

I'm so sorry you're hurting your hands by washing them to the point of injury. Certainly this pandemic has been a breeding ground for behaviors we have not, until this point, experienced.  I wish I had better advice for you, but you've come to the right place if you want to be accepted and listened to with compassion.

Also, the longer I live, the more I see that no one is just one thing.  We are composed of myriad desires, truths, and needs, so being attracted to both guys and girls is nothing to fear or be ashamed of.

Thinking of you,

WOTL (womanofthelight)

Edited by womanofthelight

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5 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

Hello, Bos --

Have you ever been medicated for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?  If you have access to mental health services, you might look into it.  Of course, they won't just give you pills (hopefully), but spend some time with you, familiarizing themselves with you and your physical/emotional/mental history. 

I'm so sorry you're hurting your hands by washing them to the point of injury. Certainly this pandemic has been a breeding ground for behaviors we have not, until this point, experienced.  I wish I had better advice for you, but you've come to the right place if you want to be accepted and listened to with compassion.

Also, the longer I live, the more I see that no one is just one thing.  We are composed of myriad desires, truths, and needs, so being attracted to both guys and girls is nothing to fear or be ashamed of.

Thinking of you,

WOTL (womanofthelight)

Hello!
I've never been medicated for OCD, but last year I took some sedative pills after having a small anxiety attack that lasted from April until October. The reason: I had an argument with some classmates over some homework that we did together. I felt guilty, useless and stupid: I ended up sad, scared and sometimes I thought I was going to die from fear. I wanted to cry a lot (but I didn't: I choked back the tears during the whole period), I was trembling, short of breath, with sudden headaches and sometimes I didn't want to attend classes. Despite that, I only skipped classes once (on 22 April) and went to university even when I wasn't feeling well. I have to admit that I apologize constantly when I make a mistake and I feel a lot of guilt: I hate behaving that way!
About the previous post: I always found the "sex" issue a bit uncomfortable. I make jokes with my friends about that, but it's difficult realizing that a relationship doesn't look like in the movies. I'm not psychologically ready to lose my virginity due to my lack of self-esteem. I can't stop thinking about sex, but I'm scared of sex and sexuality. I'm not thinking about dating a girl right now: only imagining that I'm making love to a stranger. That's horrible and unhealthy! I'd love having sex with the actress I'm obsessed with (if I could), but nothing else: just sex. I don't wanna be her boyfriend (I'm young enough to be her son!), but I do remember this quote all the time: "You can't play with a person's feelings; it's so rude and miserable".

Thanks for welcoming me here! I appreciate your message!

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