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tiredoflife1

Broken

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My entire life I've tried to be somebody im not. And im so sick of it. My family is super religious and bashes homosexuals any chance they get. They try to get me to be interested in boys, but I don't want to be. I feel like I constantly have to hide who I am and I don't know if I can do it anymore. All I want to do is be normal, and walk down the street with someone I love and not be judged. All I want is to be able to wear the clothes I want. 

Dear mom and dad, I hate you. You stole my life and my freedom when you took me out of public school. Now im all alone, and ill die that way too. I honestly can't wait for the day that you find me on the floor, because you deserve it. You want me to be someone im not, and I can't. Because of you, I probably won't make it to my 15th birthday, and ill never go to a high school dance or party. I hope you get what you deserve. 

Dear past self, I hope you enjoyed being happy. I apologize for trying to mute myself, and be someone I wasn't. I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but it doesn't. I hope you enjoyed being happy and having friends, because you won't be living as long as you thought you would. 

Thanks for listening, and thanks for caring. 

Love, 

Mack

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Welcome Mack to our forum family.

Our goal is to not leave anyone trapped within oneself.

We are here for each other as best we can.

Please don't give up on yourself.

There are solutions to problems.

Keep posting your concerns and we will try to help.

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You're welcome.

My motto is: DESPAIR not/ REPAIR a lot.

You are not alone here so please stick with us and of course stick with yourself.

Oscar

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I guess your parents cannot and should not dictate your moves, when you make mistakes you will learn from them, and your parents should acknowledge that. You need to tell them your feelings. You should not reject them and they should not reject you. If my child was gay, i wouldnt recommend it but i would still love the child and act like nothing changed. It didnt because they are still your family and vice versa. Open up to your parents and tell them what is on your mind. 

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On 6/9/2020 at 10:33 AM, tiredoflife1 said:

My entire life I've tried to be somebody im not. And im so sick of it. My family is super religious and bashes homosexuals any chance they get. They try to get me to be interested in boys, but I don't want to be. I feel like I constantly have to hide who I am and I don't know if I can do it anymore. All I want to do is be normal, and walk down the street with someone I love and not be judged. All I want is to be able to wear the clothes I want. 

Dear mom and dad, I hate you. You stole my life and my freedom when you took me out of public school. Now im all alone, and ill die that way too. I honestly can't wait for the day that you find me on the floor, because you deserve it. You want me to be someone im not, and I can't. Because of you, I probably won't make it to my 15th birthday, and ill never go to a high school dance or party. I hope you get what you deserve. 

Dear past self, I hope you enjoyed being happy. I apologize for trying to mute myself, and be someone I wasn't. I wish I could tell you that it gets better, but it doesn't. I hope you enjoyed being happy and having friends, because you won't be living as long as you thought you would. 

Thanks for listening, and thanks for caring. 

Love, 

Mack

Hi tiredoflife1,

 

You must be in a great deal of pain. I feel really bad for you. I wish I could give you some hope to hold onto.

 

I have to say, though, that this is a very creative letter to yourself! Can I ask you something? Did it feel any better to write it? You may have a more powerful tool for repairing yourself than you realize.

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At the time when I wrote it, it did help. But now, as new challenges surface, I have no idea how to cope. I just want to be happy, but its hard when you lose yourself, others, your sanity, and your will to live, as a result. I have anxiety, depression and Anger issues, so that doesn't help. 

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You are so young Mack with so much pain.

We truly want to help you.

I can only relay what pretty much works for my coping.

When unwanted thoughts "surface" I immediately try to suppress them with heavy duty metaphorical boulders.

Metaphors only exist when we imagine, pretend and make believe them into existence.

We all have unlimited access to clever and powerful metaphors or as I like to call them: CLEVERFULL MEDaphors.

I am hoping this helps even a little.

Always here for you,

Oscar

 

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You are very welcome.

We are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.

There is an adage I have found helpful: It is better to light a (metaphorical) candle than to curse the (metaphorical) darkness.

Oscar

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On 7/8/2020 at 10:10 AM, Oscar K said:

You are very welcome.

We are never helpless confronting Old Man Depression.

There is an adage I have found helpful: It is better to light a (metaphorical) candle than to curse the (metaphorical) darkness.

Oscar

What if we did that literally? Sit in the darkness and light a candle and meditate on the metaphorical meaning of it? Strengthen the will to act against the pull to submit?

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If it works then go for it.

Candles are so important in many religion's rituals for good reasons.

Sometimes we can only muster a tiny (metaphorical) birthday candle.

Old Man Depression hates when we start lighting candles or sparklers or anything that emits darkness busting light.

I am always here to dole out my inexhaustible supply of metaphorical sources of darkness busting light.

Oscar

 

 

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I’m LGBT myself being bisexual and genderqueer, so here is some advice. Often in the LGBT community, it’s advised not to get out of the closet to close minded parents, or if you already have, not to press it on too much to them because there are too many stories of LGBT people receiving greater and greater punishments, or at worst, being kicked up in the house. I’m afraid you’re stuck with them until you are independent enough to move out. I’m sorry, but you can’t change them at this point. A lot of people in the LGBT get enough experience around that. A lot of people judge by appearance, and I’m lucky I look androgynous (gender neutral) in appearance and even voice already, but other types may come off more “strange” and receive more backlash. Best to just keep your distance and avoid them much as possible. Perhaps look for Einzelganger’s video “The Gray Rock Method : How to Beat Toxic People with Serenity,” which is common advice for abusive scenarios, when there’s not much option to separate from an abuser yet, whether it is family, a boss or a partner. Basically, act as unemotional and unresponsively neutral as possible, like a rock, and the less abusers will react over time. Remember, just keep your distance. Other videos in the channel can help.

Take care.

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