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Riley7

Loneliness

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I've been single and living on my own since 2016.

My last relationship ended in 2016, and I moved away from all family and friends and started my life over from scratch. I just wanted a new beginning. And up until Cv19 everything was fine, I felt fine, I was happy with my life, I was happy with the person I had become.

Then I decided to try online dating. I met this girl, and we had amazing conversations, we laughed, we opened up to each other about our past.

We decided to meet, at her house, and we probably shouldn't have, but neither of us had been in contact with anyone else, so we thought it safe.

I went over, we had a really amazing night, laughed talked fell asleep woke up, made out and had sex.

I came home, in my mind everything was fine. We just had an amazing night.

Then I texted her later that day... no response. No big deal maybe she's busy. The day goes by still no reply. The next morning I shoot her a text asking if she's ok. Still nothing. At this point I'm a bit worried. But I dont wanna get creepy about it. 3 days later she responds that she cant do this, and she hates herself for the night we spent together.

Initially I was fine, but then i slowly felt myself slipping into sadness, a feeling of being worthless. And never good enough. It's to the point now, where I cant sleep, I cant eat, and I pretty much feel like it's pointless, I spent 3 years rebuilding my life only to have it shattered again. By someone that I felt like I could trust and open up to. I'm just tired of it, I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of life. What's the point? Work, pay bills and what else? Cuz no matter how nice I am to people I get screwed over. I just want this to end. 

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Hi Riley7,

I am so sorry that this happened to you.  Although I am not in your shoes and wouldn't want to trespass on the uniqueness of your experience, I have had a somewhat similar sad experience.  I wish I knew what to say to you that would help but I am at a loss.  Hopefully others here will have some good words to share with you, words that help you to suffer less.  Loneliness and rejection are both awful and painful feelings.They hurt to the very core of one's being.  At least that is how I experience them.    I sure hope you find something that helps you because you deserve a good life where you can experience inner peace and joy of living. 

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I couldn't handle those dating sites.  I'm ready to settle down and find the one as they say and a lot of people probably aren't there for that.  I'm sure I could find someone perfect for me at one of those sites but I would have to be hurt and damaged by too many people to get to that point.  It's a dating site and people can want a bunch of different results from dating.  I would react just like you did and I would be hurt deeply every time.  I know how you feel believe me.

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