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Confinement triggering alcoholism?

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Anyone else seen a rise in the amount they've been drinking during the confinement?

I've never exactly been an angel with my alcohol consumption but I've definitely been drinking a lot more than I've cared to let on during this lockdown. I've even been hiding it from my girlfriend who I live with. I have been waiting for her to fall asleep at night, sneaking out the bedroom and drinking alone in the dark until the early hours watching absolute rubbish on youtube. I did it again last night and almost got busted. She asked me where I went and I had to lie my way out by saying I received a work project at midnight which I wanted to do (feasible as I am a freelance translator, but sadly completely fictional). I really am not a dishonest person at all, if anything one of the things I feel good about myself for is that I do always try to be as honest as I can. I don't really know how much of all this one can blame on the confinement situation and how much of it was just there underneath the surface already, but either way I swore to myself this morning that I would end these midnight drinking sessions from now on. Plus the lockdown's over in my country now so that will help. I guess my main reason for drinking is boredom, not necessarily unhappiness.

Reading stuff in the press about the effect the lockdown has had on people's drinking doesn't really make me feel better. Yeh lots of people have been drinking more but so what? It doesn't excuse my behaviour or make it ok. I dislike the dishonesty of it more than anything else. I'd say that my current drinking isn't problematic (i.e. hasn't caused rows, lost me work, broken off friendships, any of that stuff) and I have gone through periods of simply not wanting to drink at all. Either way I'm just glad we can go outside again now.

Just venting really but thanks to anyone who's read.

Good luck everyone with coming back to reality.

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This time has been a nightmare.  My opinion is we just have to get through this time any way we can.  We can try to be at our best if we want when it's over.  This isn't a time to expect perfection from ourselves.  Just get through the nightmare.  

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I agree with sober4life’s sentiment that we should be gentle with ourselves during this time of stress. Hopefully we aren’t causing ourselves or others too much harm.

I self-medicate often with prodigious amounts of alcohol. When I do, I hide bottles and hide it from my girlfriend. I’ve been busted a couple of times and been hospitalized after going through a period of serious drinking. So FWIW I can relate.

I don’t really know your situation or if you have a pdoc who you trust who can help you or at least someone you can talk to. I’ve found hiding it and thinking I’m pretty clever when I get away with it, just makes it worse for me in the long run.

As an aside, since taking Latuda I haven’t been feeling the need, and haven’t been seriously drinking. When I do, I end up feeling terrible. So I guess that is a good thing. I don’t like some of the other effects of Latuda, such as feeling really flat. And I can’t afford it (I’ve been on a trial using samples). I’ll be talking with my ARNP soon about the issues I have with it.

I know this isn’t much help, except I can commiserate. But hang in there and I hope you can find a way through all of this.

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Yeah I can't say anything really.  Drinking used to be the answer for me.  Why isn't it the answer anymore?  My mind doesn't want it anymore is the only real reason.  Otherwise my mind would talk me into doing it somehow.

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Little update.

So my drinking is getting out of control. I found myself drinking til 4:30am yesterday for no real reason other than that I could - I'm AMAZED I'm not an absolute wreck today but somehow seem to still have a head on me. Might even get something useful done as well. The trigger was something as stupid as going to the dentist who I hate and that my gf was at her parents' place so I could get away with it. Plus I'm self employed and don't have much work at the moment due to covid or whatever so have no-one to answer to. I don't want to go down this path but it's just so easy to slip into bad habits. Sigh

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The way you talk sounds a lot like my mind sounds.  People keep me on track but the second I know I won't have to deal with people for a while that's when binges can happen.  My opinion now is things are much more serious than I thought.  You need to get things under control while you still have any control of this.  It's kind of to the point where you're glad your girlfriend is gone and work is getting in the way right?  If you continue down this road both of those things will soon be gone and then this will get worse than you could ever imagine.

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Posted (edited)
On 5/12/2020 at 1:35 AM, everythingsgonnabealright said:

Anyone else seen a rise in the amount they've been drinking during the confinement?

I'm afraid so, and I don't even like alcohol. Never learned to like the taste, which always seems like poison somehow. The only reason I drink is the obliviousness that comes after a couple, or more than a couple.

In the "old" days, I would "undo" such sessions in the gym by going hard on rowing and weights. I don't know if that really undoes the damage in the long term, but I had a liver ultrasound recently that came back normal. Now that gyms are closed and I have no access to equipment, that's gone... so who knows how badly I'm damaging myself nowadays.

Edited by anon22ae

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Posted (edited)
18 minutes ago, anon22ae said:

I'm afraid so, and I don't even like alcohol. Never learned to like the taste, which always seems like poison somehow. The only reason I drink is the obliviousness that comes after a couple, or more than a couple.

In the "old" days, I would "undo" such sessions in the gym by going hard on rowing and weights. I don't know if that really undoes the damage in the long term, but I had a liver ultrasound recently that came back normal. Now that gyms are closed and I have no access to equipment, that's gone... so who knows how badly I'm damaging myself nowadays.

You or your doctor thought things might be so bad that you needed a liver ultrasound.  That's a sign for sure.  Me I've been there and sadly got feelings of freedom when tests turned out "well".  I probably drank right after the appointment to be honest.  The liver is very tricky.  Mom had late stage cirrhosis with normal to sometimes slightly elevated liver enzyme levels.

Edited by sober4life

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On 5/29/2020 at 8:30 AM, sober4life said:

You or your doctor thought things might be so bad that you needed a liver ultrasound.  That's a sign for sure.  Me I've been there and sadly got feelings of freedom when tests turned out "well".  I probably drank right after the appointment to be honest.  The liver is very tricky.  Mom had late stage cirrhosis with normal to sometimes slightly elevated liver enzyme levels.

Did she have no symptoms throughout the whole time? I've heard that can happen, unfortunately. I know I need to quit, which mainly means finding something else to do... being cooped up at home is not helpful.

 

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2 hours ago, anon22ae said:

Did she have no symptoms throughout the whole time? I've heard that can happen, unfortunately. I know I need to quit, which mainly means finding something else to do... being cooped up at home is not helpful.

 

My mom was sick for as long as I can remember in one way or another.  They had no idea she had cirrhosis until they did her weight loss surgery.  She wasn't a drinker at all like I was.  It all happened from a food addiction.

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On 5/26/2020 at 9:00 PM, sober4life said:

The way you talk sounds a lot like my mind sounds.  People keep me on track but the second I know I won't have to deal with people for a while that's when binges can happen.  My opinion now is things are much more serious than I thought.  You need to get things under control while you still have any control of this.  It's kind of to the point where you're glad your girlfriend is gone and work is getting in the way right?  If you continue down this road both of those things will soon be gone and then this will get worse than you could ever imagine.

Your words have really struck a chord. My gf and my work feel more and more like the only things I have left. I have lost friends by the dozen over these past couple of years since my dad died. It definitely changed me, no longer have the same desire to go out and hang out and meet new people. Just wanna stay and home and watch youtube and stuff. Of the many friends I used to have, some of them don't even reply to my messages anymore and it hurts deeply. Then again I guess it'd be fair to say that I kind of turned my back on them more than the other way around. Either way, drinking is just an easy and non-labour intensive way of passing the time, but the impact on my mental health is horrendous. When I'm hungover I just want everything to end. Quite honestly my gf feels like one of the few people left who even wants to know me...and I'm only 30 years old. I thought people ended up like this when they're 50/60. Jesus....

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I felt the same way the day after drinking alone at home.  It makes depression as bad as it can get.  I guess I still enjoyed drinking to a point when I still had friends but the drinking gets so bad you lose everyone.  Nobody wanted to be around me.  It was a miracle for me to even be able to speak to them or remember seeing them that day.  It doesn't start that way.  You start choosing drinking over people and life experiences.  Eventually you and the drinking is all that's left.

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7 hours ago, sober4life said:

I felt the same way the day after drinking alone at home.  It makes depression as bad as it can get.  I guess I still enjoyed drinking to a point when I still had friends but the drinking gets so bad you lose everyone.  Nobody wanted to be around me.  It was a miracle for me to even be able to speak to them or remember seeing them that day.  It doesn't start that way.  You start choosing drinking over people and life experiences.  Eventually you and the drinking is all that's left.

I just want to point out that this is clearly experience talking, and it's very articulate and true. So it's important to pay attention to.

 

Equally important to pay attention to is that fact that it can be overcome. 🙂

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There are others ways that are more profitable that can help you in your confinement. Do something healthy, then there will be no guilt regarding what you do. Drinking is bad for your system, wouldnt recommend drinking when your bored or stressed.  

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