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I am incredibly blessed..but don't deserve it.


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I've got a wife and 6 year old daughter that love me, but I still feel empty, depressed and usually feel like the best days of my life are behind me. I'm in my mid 40's, overweight, looks fading and my career is hit or miss these days. Nothing like a damn Pandemic to make people like us feel even worse! Oh well, I know it can always be worse, and I have it incredibly good compared to a lot of people, but for me, I still feel depressed about 70% of the time. I've talked with a counselor for a few years and it started out great, learning what has made me become this way. Yet, it started feeling like my counselor was just phoning it in...always using the excuse of my parents breaking up, and my Dad 'abandoning me' as the reason behind everything I deal with. Maybe some of it can be associated with that, but I have to take some personal blame as well. I mean come on. Trying to figure out if paying someone to help me through these problems is really worth the money...maybe at the beginning but eventually, it's like I'm just paying to vent to someone with never a real resolution to the problem. Maybe there never is a resolution. Maybe there's no rhyme or reason for any of it. It's just made up, random stuff so doctors can make money.

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1 hour ago, brandonj74 said:

I've got a wife and 6 year old daughter that love me, but I still feel empty, depressed and usually feel like the best days of my life are behind me. I'm in my mid 40's, overweight, looks fading and my career is hit or miss these days. Nothing like a damn Pandemic to make people like us feel even worse! Oh well, I know it can always be worse, and I have it incredibly good compared to a lot of people, but for me, I still feel depressed about 70% of the time. I've talked with a counselor for a few years and it started out great, learning what has made me become this way. Yet, it started feeling like my counselor was just phoning it in...always using the excuse of my parents breaking up, and my Dad 'abandoning me' as the reason behind everything I deal with. Maybe some of it can be associated with that, but I have to take some personal blame as well. I mean come on. Trying to figure out if paying someone to help me through these problems is really worth the money...maybe at the beginning but eventually, it's like I'm just paying to vent to someone with never a real resolution to the problem. Maybe there never is a resolution. Maybe there's no rhyme or reason for any of it. It's just made up, random stuff so doctors can make money.

Hey, there is hope for you but you will have to fight to get back what has been taken from you.  I can relate to your

experiences in life because I have gone through some of the same things but I will not surrender over what has been given to me.

You must take on the same kind of attitude that you will become that man that you know deep down in your heart is a awesome

and wonderful individual  that you can become for yourself and your family.

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Welcome new friend to our awesome forum.

"Empty" describes depression all too well.

My experience reveals depression to be a natural formation/resource.

I invoke a cave metaphor to strategize ways out of the dark emptiness.

We all have a vast, deep hole within.

The question we all face is what we do with the emptiness.

Personally I try ever so hard to "anchor" myself outside the depression cave .

My depression cave ain't going away any time soon so I may as well put it to use.

Anyway maybe this is some food for thought.

Keep posting and stay safe.

Oscar

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My two cents worth ....  Counseling is usually a good thing, but you may have 'out grown' that counselor.  From what you said, it sounds like you have worked through the 'what happened and what triggered it' part and have moved on to 'OK, so now what do I do about it'.  However, that counselor may not be the best at dealing with your new perspective.

Don't be afraid to bring this up with your counselor or consider finding a different counselor.  Any decent counselor wants what is best for you

Remember this is just my opinion based on how I interpreted what you said.  Use or disregard this as you see fit.

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  • 1 month later...
On 5/2/2020 at 12:17 PM, brandonj74 said:

I've got a wife and 6 year old daughter that love me, but I still feel empty, depressed and usually feel like the best days of my life are behind me. I'm in my mid 40's, overweight, looks fading and my career is hit or miss these days. Nothing like a damn Pandemic to make people like us feel even worse! Oh well, I know it can always be worse, and I have it incredibly good compared to a lot of people, but for me, I still feel depressed about 70% of the time. I've talked with a counselor for a few years and it started out great, learning what has made me become this way. Yet, it started feeling like my counselor was just phoning it in...always using the excuse of my parents breaking up, and my Dad 'abandoning me' as the reason behind everything I deal with. Maybe some of it can be associated with that, but I have to take some personal blame as well. I mean come on. Trying to figure out if paying someone to help me through these problems is really worth the money...maybe at the beginning but eventually, it's like I'm just paying to vent to someone with never a real resolution to the problem. Maybe there never is a resolution. Maybe there's no rhyme or reason for any of it. It's just made up, random stuff so doctors can make money.

"Paying someone" to help you out of the situation is good, But remember all they can do is give you advice, you are the one that has to make sense of things and take their advice on board to start changing the situation. You are the only one that can change your life. Speak to your dad and communicate with him. You love him right, so i am sure to can repair your relationship with him if it is broken. If you are feeling unloved by your wife then talk to her, i am sure that they do love you. Let your wife help you find your happiness, that what partnerships with spouses and etc are for.

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  • 2 months later...
On 6/13/2020 at 12:23 PM, Prycejosh1987 said:

"Paying someone" to help you out of the situation is good, But remember all they can do is give you advice, you are the one that has to make sense of things and take their advice on board to start changing the situation. You are the only one that can change your life. Speak to your dad and communicate with him. You love him right, so i am sure to can repair your relationship with him if it is broken. If you are feeling unloved by your wife then talk to her, i am sure that they do love you. Let your wife help you find your happiness, that what partnerships with spouses and etc are for.

It's hard to speak with my Dad because he passed away of a heart attack in 2004. I am not feeling unloved by my wife, just looked over. it really doesn't matter.  Everyone is going through something. Everyone has horrible days, mine just tend to stick around because as long as I'm here....they are here. I'm sure I can pay someone else and restart all of the backstory as to how I've come to where I'm at now, but it's all so damn exhausting and everyone seems so fake and just in it for the money...which I get, that is their profession. It's just hard to comprehend because it seems as though their business model is not set up for you to 'get better', because then, no more visits to tell them your problems and loss of money, so of course they want to 'milk it' and keep you coming back for more. Sorry to rant on...

 

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On 5/2/2020 at 8:31 AM, jkd_sd said:

My two cents worth ....  Counseling is usually a good thing, but you may have 'out grown' that counselor.  From what you said, it sounds like you have worked through the 'what happened and what triggered it' part and have moved on to 'OK, so now what do I do about it'.  However, that counselor may not be the best at dealing with your new perspective.

Don't be afraid to bring this up with your counselor or consider finding a different counselor.  Any decent counselor wants what is best for you

Remember this is just my opinion based on how I interpreted what you said.  Use or disregard this as you see fit.

Do they want what's best for me?? Maybe some do and some don't. Doctors are still people and not all people are decent, good people, they just have a doctor in front of their name that gives us the assumption that they are trustworthy and have your best interest at heart. Regardless, it's a daunting process to share your heart with someone, build a rapport, and longevity to only be back to square one, having to find someone else to start that entire process over with. I mentioned this to someone else in this thread that it seems like the business model of therapy isn't set up to 'get you better'. If I get healed, they don't have anymore visits from me to make money off of, so it seems like their best interest to keep it going..mlik it for all it's worth. It's damned if you do, damned if you don't. 

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I get that you're frustrated and that's as normal as ot is to feel worse before feeling better in therapy.

As to your musings about whether counselors want you to remain sick, nope. Nobody chooses to be a therapist in hopes of getting rich--the pay ain't great, the career draws people who want to help others it doesn't attract people who want to watch them suffer. And there isn't a scarcity of clients, especially in this awful year. 

I'll say this again, it's totally okay for you to feel frustrated. I do talk to my therapist when I'm feeling frustrated. Have you talked candidly about frustration with yours? The question has great merit as it can lead to a productive discussion: I'm frustrated with my apparent lack of progress. I'm frustrated with my therapist and the premise their working with. I'm feeling stuck because I'm not ready to confront a hard, scary or ugly truth.

All or any of these statements are useful to discuss. Because therapy is for learning how to talk openly about feelings and learning to make friends with them. You worded it so well: its a daunting process. 

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It would be awful if they strung you along as a therapist.  I have to believe the person may not be a good fit for someone or may not be good at their job.  If you have more advice that could help someone and you choose not to tell them that's pretty awful.  It's like they are doing their job like a soap opera always wanting you to come back the next day for more.

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I have felt similarly.  I spoke with a therapist at one point and I could tell from the look in his eye that he was.listening on the surface but that was it.   Gave me a "by the book" answer that I could have gotten from my college psychology textbook.   I am not saying that he didn't care but no way was he ever going to understand how I actually felt by sitting with me for a few months.     

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