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Trying To Reconnect With Old Friend!


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Hi everyone, hope you are safe.

I had a friend who was also my ex. We split up two years ago. We used to work together as well. My friend suffers with depression and a high level of anxiety. Is a loner. Cares very much about his friends. 

In December 2018, When I left the job, another colleague left as well. We were his social group as well. My friend was such a lover of Facebook. This was his main source of connection to friends he doesn't see in person. I noticed after I left, his facebook friends list started to decrease rapidly. He was removing a lot of friends so quickly. 

Four months after leaving the job, our friendship contact decreased rapidly as well. If I rang, texted or sent him FB messages. He wouldn't reply. It did hurt massively. He was a friend and most likely because his my ex, I valued our friendship and wanted to maintain contact every now and again.

I was invited to a mutual colleague's party in April last year which I attended. The next day, my ex deleted our mutual friend from FB due to not being invited to the party. Obviously he was upset.

I maintained contact but again rarely got a reply. When I got a new phone and a new number, I texted him my number to which he texted me back under one minute to thank me.

The next month, I invited him out for a drink to which he replied back saying, no thanks. I was really hurt with this response. But I accepted his reply.

The next month, I began to feel drained by the lack of replies back from my friend. After seeing him share a post on another friend's wall, I got so hurt and angry and deleted him off my facebook friends list. I sent him some hurtful messages saying how upset I was. How much I had enough of getting no replies and how he has lost another friend. He had another friend who ended their friendship around ten years ago to which he was very hurt by. He often asked about her through mutual friends hoping she would reconsider the friendship but she never returned to the friendship.

After I ended our friendship, I felt bad with my reply. I sent him another facebook friend's request to which he declined. I rang him to which he answered the phone. Didn't speak but listened. I was so shocked that he had finally answered the phone after months of not answering his phone or making any contact with me. I stuttered with words and a few moments of silence, he hung up the phone.

Over the next few weeks, I tried reaching out. Phone kept ringing out. I sent him a birthday card in July but he didn't make any contact with me.

I left it a few months and saw him in the street. As soon as he saw me, his face was filled with anger and pain. I tried to talk to him and he kept saying he didn't want to talk to me. He even lied by saying his now with a new girl. He doesn't want to be friends with me nor wants to get back together. That after I left, I had said goodbye and that was it. I was really hurt but respected this. Somehow in the back of my mind, I felt he was deliberately saying this to project his pain on to me. He knows the things to say to get back at me to hurt me. I spoke to a mutual friend who assured me he hasn't met anyone and is currently remaining as a loner. In fact, his become even more isolated.

I reached out to inform that I am working in his neighbourhood and we can friends and hang out. He read the message but didn't reply.

I later found out, he removed another close friend of his in November last year after they didn't invite him out for a group meet up. I knew him doing this, was drastic. He was always the person who wanted to maintain friendships and would get incredibly hurt with the thought of losing his friends. To go from that to now, easily cutting off friends - was huge.

Four months passed and I saw him in the streets in Feb this year. As soon as he saw me, he displayed anger again and displayed paranoia (most likely from being socially isolated). I sent him a facebook message to inform how I was and how happy I am in life. It came up as seen but he didn't reply.

I understand his maintained facebook contact by sharing posts on the other colleague's wall.

Now with this cornavirus, it made me realise how precious life is and how anyone can die or get hurt from it. This prompted me to reach out to try to make one final attempt as it may make him realise how life is too short to hold grudges. If anything good can come from this, we can patch things up and be friends. I sent him a message and advised him not to hold any grudges. Find it in his heart to forgive. That I was sorry and I really want us to put things right. I even informed that I would send him a friend's request which I did but cancelled due to fear of rejection. I'm not sure if I would be able to handle that pain. He saw the message again but didn't reply.

I'm not sure on whether to re-send another friend's request and see what happens. I was even willing to send a message with some banter. Heaven forbid, if something happened to either one of us, I'd rather know I have tried but not sure. I do miss our friendship.

I do believe he still cares. He hasn't blocked me on facebook. He still reads my messages and has my mobile number still otherwise why else wouldn't he answer his phone when he sees it's me. 

His a very highly sensitive soul and holds on to grudges for years against people who have hurt him.

Any thoughts?







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You can’t force someone into a friendship. I would personally send the friends request to keep your word, if it isn’t accepted, then I wouldn’t pursue it anymore. However I would leave it open ended for him for the potential friendship in the future. He may be too prideful or there may be other underlining issues as to why things have transpired with him this way. But I wouldn’t continue to bombard him with anymore messages. Maybe one more note that you’ll always be available, the door is open. Good luck!

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I am with Tid on this as well. I like the idea of leaving one more open message but it might be best to back off after that. 

I know it is easier said than done at times but sometimes making new friends can help get your mind off of others.


I hope this helps.😊

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  • 1 month later...

I do think you should either try again if you believe you can talk to him, but i would say personally that you should let him go. You cannot force a friendship, if he shows small signs of "love" towards you then you should take it in and keep trying to get through to him but if there are no signs of "love"  then let him go. 

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