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Ryan Gimeson

Attachment Problem

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Hi. I'm Ryan and I'm new to this forum. Right now in my life I'm feeling very isolated. It's not just because of the lockdown, because I've felt this way throughout high school and now my first two semesters of college. My isolation and depression got so bad to the extent that I was making real, deep emotional attachments to tv characters as an alternative to making real friends, because I felt like I got the chance to finally be invested and integrated into the lives of other people. I eventually found a show and a character that I loved, and it seemed like I would finally have stability in my own life. I can't imagine how pathetic this must sound but it's true. I could follow this character's journey and feel validation in my own life. However, I just learned that the character is most likely going to be taken off the show, and now the feelings of loneliness and the sleepless nights are beginning to come back to me. Because we've been told not to closely interact with others and because I've never had this strong of an attachment before, I feel like I may not overcome this confusing, stressful sadness. There is no clear path forward that I see and it's scaring me. I want to have hope but this is not a good time. Anyways, sorry for the rant but I just wanted to let it out. 

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Hi Ryan and welcome to the Forums.

I am so very, very sorry that you are suffering this stressful and confusing sadness.  

Wish I had some really profound wisdom to share with you that would help, but sadly I lack such insight. 

The human brain is so mysterious and often seems to have a mind of its own, and its own unique coping mechanisms.  What you describe is something I have experienced myself when I was lonely and in my life I know of perhaps as many as 600 people or more who have described attachment to a television character. 

So I don't think you are alone in what you describe.  I would even guess that there must be millions of people who have experienced this worldwide.

A movie director in an interview once said that he was attached to a television character.  

Although not directly related to what you wrote, the famous psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung wrote about "imaginary friends" and said that he had one throughout his long life. 

He believed it enriched his life and imagination and helped him in his work as a psychiatrist.  So I don't think what you write of is anything to be embarrassed about.

It can be hard to make friends for many people.  Many people, I imagine in the millions, have friends who they would rather not have or who leave them feeling lonely. 

Married people here on the Forums often write of feeling misunderstood, trapped and lonely in their relationships as do people here who are in friendships. 

I suspect loneliness is a universal human experience that affects people who are isolated and people who are in relationships.

You have reached out here on these Forums and perhaps you will make many good friends here.  People here that I have met are often very understanding, kind, encouraging and consoling.

Often there is a degree of luck in finding friends.  One of the marks of being human is that we can very often find substitutes for anything we have lost too. 

I am terribly sorry about what is happening to the television character your described.  That happened to me before and was heartbreaking.  I don't think you are pathetic at all.  I am glad your brain has a vivid imagination and has helped you cope with loneliness.

I wish I had something better to offer you, but sadly I don't.  Hopefully others here will have better and more helpful words for you. 

It is certainly a great pleasure and honor to meet you, Ryan and I hope you find these Forums to be a warm and welcoming place!

-- Epictetus

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@Ryan Gimeson

Hello and welcome to DFI hope you enjoy your stay here and find it helpful for you. 

I can relate a bit to what you feel I think. For me all kinds of movies and some Anime have been my friends for a long time. Also they saved me too and gave me comfort when alone in real life. I could relate to some of the characters siuwation in the stories and it felt like I had friends a lot of the time and not feel so alone. I tried for years on and off to make friends or have any kind of relations with people. Though for me I always and still seems I get hurt by people online and in person. As a result I have PTSD and chronic nightmares. I do have a really great therapist now who is helping me so much I'm actually in a great place right now on my journey to be well and feel peace as well happiness. As of right now I still have no friends at all and I'm at the point if I never do or have any kind of relations with others. I'm really alright with it and  I wouldn't be lonely due to what people  have done to me. True, it be nice to find someone who'd accepted all of me though I haven't and probably doubt I ever will. However it's true you never know. I don't know if this is helpful to you though I just wanted to say I sorta know what you mean and feel. I hope things get better for you soon and they will even if it takes time. You just got to try your best and stay strong and take each day little by little. 

 

Please take care.

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