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just need to vent, no response needed or expected.


nojoy

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I was doing so much better. And then life screwed me. In one week, my life became a living lleh. The dental surgery was cancelled, public library closed, yoga studio closed, couldn't get cigarettes because 3 stores near me sold out and were not sure when they would get them, restaurants I usually go to are only doing take out. Saw therapist before life shut down, she was happy with the progress I was making by going places, making eye contact, having conversations (short ones) with people. I was starting to feel good about myself. Now I just don't care about anything. And more than likely my therapy appt for next week will be cancelled. I always thought of myself as ugly, now with broken and missing teeth I'm even uglier.

And to top off everything, my brother's second wife was on life support for the last 2 weeks and he and her daughters made the decision to remove all life support today and she passed away. His first wife was diagnose with stage  4 Lung cancer 5 years ago. He was finally told that Mary the second wife had swine flu and were still waiting for covid 19 results.

That's not everything, I asked daughter  #1 to texted her sister about mary. Daughter #1 calls me, crying and carrying on. I'm not in the mood to deal with this and I told her just call me back when I can understand what she is saying. and she hung up on me. So once again, Mom is the -itch who does give a nmad about nobody but herself.

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A huge wave of awfulness. I'm sorry to hear about your brother's wives and how every thing in your life is in upheaval, it sounds like too much to adapt to. Sometimes life seems to cut us off at the knees when we were just getting back on our feet. 

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So very sorry for all you are going through!

We rewrote an old saying, "It never rains, but it sure does hail bowling balls."  It is not meant to actually be funny.  It is meant to point out that, if regular 'bad times' are like regular rain, then what is going on at the time feels majorly worse.  Reading what you wrote reminded me of this rewritten saying.  I sincerely hope things get much better very quickly.  :console:

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I am feeling nothing again emotionally. Physically, I pulled muscles in my lower and upper back, do something outside, get some sun, it will help, raking and  bagging leaves. managed to fill to bags.

The therapist sent email saying we can have a session online … oh goodie the techno-challenged depressed/ highly anxious person will gain a new experience.  

Everyone have a good week!

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@nojoy i am so relating to your post. Obviously i have separate things going on. But god i feel so much the same. And every god damned day it just gets worse. I wish i could make it better. I wish i could be more positive. But right now i just...every day its something and these things only come, dont go. They all keep coming every day  never going, so its getting a little tight in here.

Hug

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On 3/30/2020 at 4:09 PM, nojoy said:

The therapist sent email saying we can have a session online … oh goodie the techno-challenged depressed/ highly anxious person will gain a new experience.

the telemedicine session with the therapist did not go as she hoped. the "GoToMeeting" app would not download. ended up using the telephone, which was much better for me. 

I hope that everyone is doing okay during this terrible trying time.

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  • 2 months later...
On 3/27/2020 at 1:58 AM, nojoy said:

I was doing so much better. And then life screwed me. In one week, my life became a living lleh. The dental surgery was cancelled, public library closed, yoga studio closed, couldn't get cigarettes because 3 stores near me sold out and were not sure when they would get them, restaurants I usually go to are only doing take out. Saw therapist before life shut down, she was happy with the progress I was making by going places, making eye contact, having conversations (short ones) with people. I was starting to feel good about myself. Now I just don't care about anything. And more than likely my therapy appt for next week will be cancelled. I always thought of myself as ugly, now with broken and missing teeth I'm even uglier.

And to top off everything, my brother's second wife was on life support for the last 2 weeks and he and her daughters made the decision to remove all life support today and she passed away. His first wife was diagnose with stage  4 Lung cancer 5 years ago. He was finally told that Mary the second wife had swine flu and were still waiting for covid 19 results.

That's not everything, I asked daughter  #1 to texted her sister about mary. Daughter #1 calls me, crying and carrying on. I'm not in the mood to deal with this and I told her just call me back when I can understand what she is saying. and she hung up on me. So once again, Mom is the -itch who does give a nmad about nobody but herself.

That goes to show you that problems come and go for everyone. Do what you can to help these people be eased from their difficult times, and i am sure they will do the same for you when the situation arises. 

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