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How do I leave this rut?


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I texted a crisis hotline yesterday because I have nobody to turn to except my mom. She’s out of state and I know she would be so worried if she knew how I was feeling. My best friend who usually could help me through these things has become unresponsive. I tried to talk to him about it but he said that “pitying me is doing me no good” so now I don’t really have anywhere to go. Everyone keeps telling me that I just need to pick myself up and do things I don’t want to do but it’s not nearly that simple. 

they keep telling me to get a job or go out more but I just don’t want to. I want to crawl in bed and never get out but I know that’s not an option. I asked out this girl and she asked if we could stay friends. We have remained friends and it’s working out well but I can’t help but get that familiar stinging in my head whenever I see her looking beautiful. Sitting next to her in class kind of makes me want to vomit.

i can’t do schoolwork, my mind is always elsewhere. I don’t think I’ve done any work in weeks. It’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel

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Hi Cent,

Being up to my neck in stuff right now, I am not sure I could be very helpful to you.  I can certainly TOTALLY empathize with what you are going through. 

I hope you will feel free to lean on me and others here when everything is going bad.  So sorry your best friend judges you instead of appreciating and treasuring you!

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I would just comment on "the light at the end of the tunnel" metaphor.

Metaphors only exist when we imagine, pretend and make believe them into existence.

Personally I invoke a cave metaphor for my depression.

I need to metaphorically "anchor" myself outside my deep , dark, dangerous depression cave.

There is never really a need for anyone to be lost and trapped within a cave or as you mentioned a "tunnel".

We CAN find the EXIT/ENTRANCE and keep ourselves in the "light".

Maybe this can help a little.


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Without knowing the specifics the only the only advice I have is to keep things simple. It sounds like your are already going to school or college? You should not have to work if your are already doig that, I mean some people do.

For one example, in an Asian household when the kid is an adult either they must go to college or start paying rent.

Also for dating this might sound bad but maybe dont go for that heartbreaker bombshell especially if you struggle with depression. Those kind of people like to have 10-20 applicants a day eating at the palm of their hand, try to date some who makes you feel good. Trust me a practical, reliable down to earth woman is the best someone who will help you be the best version of yourself and reach all your goals.

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Thats exactly how ive been feeling the last 4 months. Its gotten so bad for me i dont want want to get up in the mornings. People in my life say the same thing, that i should go out socialize or keep my mind busy doing things but it only makes me feel worse. Maybe i should text that crisis hotline too. 

I dont have any advice as im going through the same thing but i want u to know u are not alone.

Edited by NotMySeLf1519
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faced a similar situation which got exponentially worse with other problems combined.

My only and best advice would be to take your time and find something that inspires you and is really fun for you (like a hobby) and use that as reward for studying. For the girl i would suggest what worked for me, delete every trace of her and start avoiding her all together, and don't waste time in someone who doesn't see your worth when there are plenty of other girls who will see it.

hope this helped!

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  • 2 months later...

The person you spoke to was half right. Pitying you will do no good, but it is also good to see what the person is feeling, because only then can you help the person feel better about themselves and help them turn their personal tides. 

You have to be self motivated, it has to come from you. However there are things that can do that can help you. Like trying to make the sense of things, and really meditating on your issues and figuring out ways with reason to change things. etc.

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