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Shijima

The First Step To Not Being Afraid Of People

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I posted a lot of topics about myself and my situation with "people"  on here. About how I'm terrified of them  while being online and in person due to my traumatic and hard past with having any relations with people. I have good news that I like to share is  that I finally found a therapist who I trust and feel extremely comfortable around. So I'm about to start my healing journey once again in hope's to find happiness and true peace within me and be content with my life. I know and truly feel things are finally working out and going in the right direction. However like always I sorta deep down fear me and people won't ever get along and perhaps best I don't even try to have any relations with others. I am like I stated happy very much by myself if I never get too close to others. However I'm human and there's that feeling of wanting to connect with others still too like anyone would want. (I think) I don't know what will happen now so I'm taking my time with my feelings about people and I'll go from there. 

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Hi Shijima,

Your struggle and efforts to overcome your situation with "people" inspires me.  I have always been more inspired by the ordinary heroic efforts of people who are struggling than by the once-in-a-lifetime history making heroics of those whose actions make the news.

I wish you only the very, very best of luck on your life journey and hope you will keep us all posted on how things are going. 

Change does not always follow a linear path.  Sometimes it is one step forward and two steps back, but I think being heroic is not about success as much as it is about trying.

I want to thank you for posting what you did.  These Forums are read by many people from all over the world who can read English.  And your efforts will inspire so many to keep going.

Having been on these Forums for many years, I have been told very often that it is posts like yours and not posts that give advice that help people feel less isolated and alone with their own private distress and grief. 

Many people have told me that posts [like the one you wrote] have literally saved their lives when they were on the very edge, so I think you are a person of substance and stature and I can only look up to you in admiration and gratitude.

Thanks again for sharing!    -- Epictetus

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I feel the same way you do for the most part.  If you look at my life you would say things are going very well.  The only issue is people.  My biggest issue and a lot of the time my only issue through my whole life has been people.

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@Epictetus

I'm speechless sorta, though  very honored as well for you most kind comment I've ever gotten. Thank you so much for saying all that it gives me hope even more now for what awaits me. Your truly a good person yourself as many others on here I can truly tell. :hugs::icon12:

@sober4life

I see, well I hope even if it takes some more time for you that you also find peace in your life. So that your at a fully good place where you don't have to suffer like I do. It's true I don't know your life and what you've been through. However if some post replies you made that you say your like me or similar I hope you don't suffer anymore soon and find happiness and peace. Hang in there best you can things do get better even if it takes time. Please take care. :icon12::rose:

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*UPDATE ON MY SITUATION:

Hello,

( I like to say first off I deeply apologize if I'm not supposed to double post on here.  I wasn't even sure were to post this on other threads I preciously made then this one. Since it's actual progress on my situation so again I apologize. )

I had my second session with my therapist Wednesday and for once or really the first time ever I could truly be myself with someone other than my family. I felt so at ease and finally able to actually breath and talk about all what's on my mind. I said some things already I'd never tell a person who is a therapist or even any of my help team right off the bat. I was feeling absolutely understood,  accepted, even safe for the first time with her other than my family. It was truly a wonderful beautiful thing I think. She is DEFFINALY the right fit even the one I've been waiting my whole life to get help from and finally be able to let go of my pain and move on with my life. To truly focus on living life to the fullest with a smile on my face and not dweal on my past or heartaches anymore to actually live life. I did a test and it is 100% confirmed I actually have PTSD so from knowing that it makes me at  true ease I finally know for sure I have it as well finally can get treated properly for it. I don't know as of yet if I need to take medication for it, though the therapy I'm in and person I see specializes in that field. So I'm really in the best care and actually will finally get the right help to get well.

I still feel uneasy being anywhere online, on DF even  and around people in person still. I'm still thinking on what to do if to leave online for good and just focus on myself or try still being around others. As I stated before I am truly alright,  at peace and happy with being by myself  the rest of my life and not sad as others would be. I've been through SO much heartache with people online and in person it's truly going take a extremely long time to heal, let go and feel 100% safe again around any person. Being online in general is a HUGE trigger for me to be honest. Yet I still try to connect with others by speaking with them. Though for all the people I met online as well in person I have every right to not do it and not have any relations with anyone. I have a very kind, loving and caring heart. So I do care for others though for all I've met and still meet they use me, take advantage of, manipulate me since I am the "nice" girl and easy prey for such people. I know as ALL my family even help team told me there is good people out there though the sad truth for me or call it luck is  personally NEVER met anyone ever my whole life. My help team is an exception though anything I ever did to connect with others NEVER went good and failed and I got  hurt badly once again adding more trauma to myself.

I guess as I've always said my whole life after getting hurt by a person even thought. I'm not lucky and just maybe not ment to have relations with people to be close to them. To see what actually true friendship is like and one day perhaps experience what love truly is as well and to be loved in that way. Their only dreams to be honest and  I can't take no more pain anymore or even handle it. I try SO hard to keep fighting the war I'm in , To never give up, push through ALL the tremendous pain I feel in my heart. Though it feels like I'm failing more than being strong. Maybe it's both however I'm  extremely shocked I still even try with people since I care for others but then truly are terrified of them to get close. I apologize I'm rambling on and  I'll now conclude this. If I leave DF for good I know I had to do what was truly best for me and my health. To everyone I thank you  who has reached out and gave me advice or encouragement on here. I really appreciate it beyond words. I do want to try and speak a bit maybe too others on here but it's pretty hard for me and makes me scared. I'm not sure what else to say but that's my update on what's going on with me. Thank you all for reading. 

 

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I understand everything you are saying believe me I could say a lot of it myself.  This is the only place I really feel safe and even here I get to the point where I worry.  I'm afraid of pretty much everyone.

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*UPDATE IN MY SITUATION:

I became bit more active on DF a little bit ago and originally was just going post here and that be it. However I felt something in me, perhaps something spiritual drawing me back here to post this even though my siuwation with people and being online in general is extremely hard for me. I've been feeling actually really great with being on here a bit more and not too nervous or afraid. I met a person who is extremely kind to me who seems to understand me even if only a little and accepts me for who I am. I never thought I find s person who would and not mind me being my true self around them. I get a lot of support from them and I help them out as well they say too. So that's another thing going on with me that's making me feel really wonderful mood wise and feeling a bit better being online more. Other than those things My progress with my therapist is also going fantastic for me right now. I'm getting the right proper help now which is making my journey to be 100% well and feel peace as well happiness great and helping me so much. I'm  not sure what else to say at the moment so I'll leave all this like it is. I thank you all for those who's been showing support while I'm  on my journey right now when posting these updates about myself and how I'm  doing. You're all very kind as well and it truly makes me hopeful more about good people out there still so I don't  have to be afraid a lot.

Thank you for reading~:flowers:

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