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Infinite Sequence

Out of therapy for 9 months now

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I went to a psychiatrist yesterday. He does psychoanalysis. I was referred by a team of psychologists to see him, due to the complexity of my presentation and was told that he’s not seeing me for the second time. I’m wondering whether it’s the standard of psychoanalysis, that he acted this way? I was having eye contacts. I sat and not lying down on the couch.

I never have seen any mental health professionals like this. He had absolutely no eye contacts with me the entire session. He remained in a near foetal position. I wonder. He’s a doctor and I’m a patient. It feels like he looked depressed, when additionally he also spoke in very low tone I had to repeatedly ask him to repeat his saying. Second time I was told my case is complex in a way that is beyond their level of comfort. I have no psychotherapist at the moment. I’ve been told by a psychotherapist in the past who specialised in treating ritual abuse cases that only a psychotherapist and not a psychologist can help my case. 

He then told me I need a team of professionals, and not just an individual therapist. He said he’s a one man person and cannot cops with treating me who has complex dissociative identity disorder and complex post traumatic stress disorder. A team that includes a psychologist, psychiatrist, a case manager and other mental health professionals at the same time to help me. He said he does not agree that psychoanalysis of a frequency of 4-5 times per week sessions or 2-3 times is something suitable for me, for the nature of the psychodynamic therapy is to let out one’s thoughts freely. He said I’m so distressed and suicidal and fragmented, that it seems like it’s the opposite of what I need. I have not the sense of safety to keep disclosing my trauma history nonstop, as it would only re-traumatise me as he said. I went to a psychiatrist was for financial reason, as it has lower cost than seeing a psychologist for psychotherapy. Also, they have a clinical side to support me clinically. 

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I'm so sorry that the office visit was unhelpful and did not result I'm a clearer road to treatment. 

I hope you'll be able to find a psychologist or therapist with experience in DID who can help you - all of you. 

I understand what you mean about repeatedly disclosing trauma, how it can trigger a re-enacting of that trauma and my heart is heavy for you. I hope you will peer support can be helpful, maintain a sense of belonging. 

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