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Constant struggle to not be negative/complain all the time


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I've always known that I'm a negative, pessimistic person by nature and that I complain WAY too much, but lately I have been trying to turn that around for the sake of my friends and girlfriend so that they don't have to put up with my negativity and have to hear me complain all the time about everything. I dunno why it is but for some reason I always seem to hone right in on whatever is the negative aspect of any given situation. It's almost as if I think that picking holes in whatever it may been is somehow more 'interesting/funny/entertaining' and therefore deserves to be brought up and ridiculed. The reality is that no-one gives a damn about listening to other people whine all the time. They can see whatever the negative part is too but just don't seem to focus on it as much as I do. Sometimes it quite literally is ALL I see.

Being positive for me requires CONSTANT focus about what I say and analysis before I open my mouth. Yesterday my gf turned round and told me that it was really annoying how I complained EVERY DAY about at lease one thing. It kinda sent me into a spiral for a bit so today I challenged myself to not complain once or say one single negative thing and I think I pretty much managed it. At the end of the day I told her about it and she said 'see don't you feel so much better?'. The answer is I don't really know to be honest...I guess I don't really feel that different although I'd say that it feels like an accomplishment which shouldn't need to be one.

That's all I guess, just wanted to share that. Anyone else got any advice about how to not be that guy who whines 24/7 and says only positive stuff?

Cheers

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22 hours ago, everythingsgonnabealright said:

I've always known that I'm a negative, pessimistic person by nature and that I complain WAY too much, but lately I have been trying to turn that around for the sake of my friends and girlfriend so that they don't have to put up with my negativity and have to hear me complain all the time about everything. I dunno why it is but for some reason I always seem to hone right in on whatever is the negative aspect of any given situation. It's almost as if I think that picking holes in whatever it may been is somehow more 'interesting/funny/entertaining' and therefore deserves to be brought up and ridiculed. The reality is that no-one gives a damn about listening to other people whine all the time. They can see whatever the negative part is too but just don't seem to focus on it as much as I do. Sometimes it quite literally is ALL I see.

Being positive for me requires CONSTANT focus about what I say and analysis before I open my mouth. Yesterday my gf turned round and told me that it was really annoying how I complained EVERY DAY about at lease one thing. It kinda sent me into a spiral for a bit so today I challenged myself to not complain once or say one single negative thing and I think I pretty much managed it. At the end of the day I told her about it and she said 'see don't you feel so much better?'. The answer is I don't really know to be honest...I guess I don't really feel that different although I'd say that it feels like an accomplishment which shouldn't need to be one.

That's all I guess, just wanted to share that. Anyone else got any advice about how to not be that guy who whines 24/7 and says only positive stuff?

Cheers

“Fake it ‘til you make it...” 😉😉😉

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This quote: "Don't sweat the small stuff. And it's all small stuff."
It worked to just have a "nothing really matters enough to bring up" type of attitude. Acknowledging the bad in your own head, but learning to disregard it, and see it as unimportant/futile.

I'm a pessimist myself and am no longer as good at shrugging off negativity as I used to be.
But, when I had that mentality, people questioned how I was always so "chill" about everything. How I could just sit back and laugh my problems off. How I never seemed upset or worked up about anything that happened.

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On 2/27/2020 at 8:12 PM, everythingsgonnabealright said:

I'd say that it feels like an accomplishment which shouldn't need to be one.

It is an accomplishment worthy of sharing and I congratulate you on the effort! 

It took time for me to accept that chronic negative thinking was a symptom not a personality trait. Learning about thought distortions helped alot.

Immediately challenging my negative thoughts became a habit just as everyday negative thinking had. "Yeah, but..." can be used on negative or pessimistic thoughts, too. 

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5 hours ago, Atra said:

It is an accomplishment worthy of sharing and I congratulate you on the effort! 

Immediately challenging my negative thoughts became a habit just as everyday negative thinking had. "Yeah, but..." can be used on negative or pessimistic thoughts, too. 

Thanks, I think it's been a few days now and I hope that it continues. 

I do say "Yeh, but..." all the time against positive things, I like your idea of now trying to use them against negative things too.

Cheers bud

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I have to thank all of you. It has been out by the therapist that everything I say has the word but then something negative. Neither she nor I ever thought of  changing the negative to a positive statement. Thanks again and I am going to do this and share it with the therapist. 

Glad I sign on today since I have been feeling down more this week.

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On 2/27/2020 at 9:12 PM, everythingsgonnabealright said:

That's all I guess, just wanted to share that. Anyone else got any advice about how to not be that guy who whines 24/7 and says only positive stuff?

Good for you for being the guy who recognizes that he doesn't want to be the round-the-clock whine guy.  Lots of people with similar habits, for lots of reasons, never get that far

best, Bulgakov

Edited by Bulgakov
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I'm the same way. I'm glad you wrote this because it is a good reminder to make an attempt to change my habit. I've made the decision to disengage from public Facebooking. That's where a lot of my negativity comes out. I've made that promise to myself before only to go back to it when I'm starting to feel "better." Our behaviors are so strong. Thank you.

 

Edited by camilo
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I've always had the same mindset. It definitely doesn't attract people. I'm also working on not expressing it so much, and it's *really* hard reining myself in because sometimes, I'm honestly just looking for some support, but a lot of people are put off even by that (or by seeking it in that way). People are noticeably more pleased with me when I drop the negativity...unless they're negative themselves, and then it's often a relief and tend to get along well. lol. When the tables are turned and someone's negativity is so much worse than mine that it drags ME down, I see the point and hopefully become more considerate of "positive" types. 

Internally it's another story because, for me, a lot of it has to do with PTSD and my need for security, to filter out threats. I can see that every time I've applied "positive thinking" as a policy, I've gotten into terrible trouble by making irrational choices, refusing to see the realistic, practical, or negative. Reality demands neither positivity nor negativity but rather sobriety, and courage to acknowledge the black, the white, and the colors. Still, I'd personally rather err on the side of safety in certain matters. My two cents. 

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9 hours ago, Seeker206 said:

Internally it's another story because, for me, a lot of it has to do with PTSD and my need for security, to filter out threats

Yes, you remind me of a theory connecting negativity and security, in regard to certain mental health conditions. I attribute so many of my everyday negative thoughts to my brain simply trying to protect me (gee thanks, amygdala! 🧠🙏).

How is it protecting me? Its protecting me from strongly negative feelings I might have. Negative thinking prepares me for the worst outcomes so I'm able to process the result in advance and while I'm still safe. And by being cynical, I risk nothing. No one was ever disappointed by the worst situation failing to happen.

This seemed sensible but the tradeoff is that it gradually sapped all the joy from my life. That's because it became a habit; before I knew it, I was applying negative thinking indiscriminately. Amygdala was running the show and I was desperately trying to extinguish fires in my mind that I started in the first place. 

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