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Why did I have to be born?


George11211

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I’m the most miserable pathetic human being that has ever lived. Nothing ever goes ok for me. I live to survive each day and fear the next. I greatly fear the future. I feel like my parents and family don’t really know who I am. 
 

Im stuck living with my parents because I have no money. It’s too complicated to go into right now. Boy if I could get my own place I would. Even a trailer. 
 

something big is coming in my life. I don’t know what it is. I have been wishing I had the last push to end my life. At this point I feel critically close to where anything that causes me any more pain to my mountain of crippling misery I could act irrationally and end myself. I know I’d never hurt another person but myself. I’ve been in this critical point for a long time. I think I can say without a doubt that the whole last year has been a near death experience for me. Just trying to stay rational enough to not do it each day. 
 

let me emphasize that I DO NOT want to die and this is something I take very seriously but the pain I get is so intense I don’t want to suffer anymore. All my life and goals and everything I have worked on or stood for has led to nothing but dead ends, failure, contempt from the family, and eventually contempt from myself. 
 

I do have several plans for how I might end it. 
Thanks to everyone here for your support and patience. May God bless you all 

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2 hours ago, George11211 said:

I’m the most miserable pathetic human being that has ever lived. Nothing ever goes ok for me. I live to survive each day and fear the next. I greatly fear the future. I feel like my parents and family don’t really know who I am. 
 

Im stuck living with my parents because I have no money. It’s too complicated to go into right now. Boy if I could get my own place I would. Even a trailer. 
 

something big is coming in my life. I don’t know what it is. I have been wishing I had the last push to end my life. At this point I feel critically close to where anything that causes me any more pain to my mountain of crippling misery I could act irrationally and end myself. I know I’d never hurt another person but myself. I’ve been in this critical point for a long time. I think I can say without a doubt that the whole last year has been a near death experience for me. Just trying to stay rational enough to not do it each day. 
 

let me emphasize that I DO NOT want to die and this is something I take very seriously but the pain I get is so intense I don’t want to suffer anymore. All my life and goals and everything I have worked on or stood for has led to nothing but dead ends, failure, contempt from the family, and eventually contempt from myself. 
 

I do have several plans for how I might end it. 
Thanks to everyone here for your support and patience. May God bless you all 

You might not realize it but we are all connected to one another and we each can

bear so much pain without needing any help.  But when we get to the point of not

knowing how to cope with the pain any longer that is when we come in and inspire

one another to keep on living and growing until our pain goes away or we learn

better ways of coping with it.  I know your struggles because I have been in pain my whole life.

But I know that my existence is tied to other hurting people, who are going through similar

pains just like me.  Hang on my friend until a better day come.   

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You are still here to tell the tale, and that means that hope has not died!

It is painful and lonely now, I know.  You think no one understands, or if you reveal yourself, you will be rejected.  You will never be rejected here.  Take off as many of the seven veils as eases your pain to do so.  We will look and not judge.  Not turn away from you.  Some people get as far as only one veil, and others (the ones with faith and trust, I suppose) can strip away as many as six.  But there's always one kept for only you.  This is a boundary we will not cross. 

So, know that on dark days or nights you can come here and reveal yourself as much as is comfortable for you.

I wish you calm and continued hope, always.

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On 2/27/2020 at 2:31 PM, George11211 said:

I’m the most miserable pathetic human being that has ever lived. Nothing ever goes ok for me. I live to survive each day and fear the next. I greatly fear the future. I feel like my parents and family don’t really know who I am. 
 

Im stuck living with my parents because I have no money. It’s too complicated to go into right now. Boy if I could get my own place I would. Even a trailer. 
 

something big is coming in my life. I don’t know what it is. I have been wishing I had the last push to end my life. At this point I feel critically close to where anything that causes me any more pain to my mountain of crippling misery I could act irrationally and end myself. I know I’d never hurt another person but myself. I’ve been in this critical point for a long time. I think I can say without a doubt that the whole last year has been a near death experience for me. Just trying to stay rational enough to not do it each day. 
 

let me emphasize that I DO NOT want to die and this is something I take very seriously but the pain I get is so intense I don’t want to suffer anymore. All my life and goals and everything I have worked on or stood for has led to nothing but dead ends, failure, contempt from the family, and eventually contempt from myself. 
 

I do have several plans for how I might end it. 
Thanks to everyone here for your support and patience. May God bless you all 

Why not put off anything that might cause self harm for just one day.

Find something to distract your mind from thinking about things like

chatting with people here, watching tv hanging out with friends or playing video games. Focus on more distractions the next day and put it off one more day, etc...just take things one day at a time, face challenges one at a time and pace yourself. You seem young enough for there to be plenty of time for

things to still work out for you. Patience and persistence is key. ❤️💕

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